The Lewinsky Nuke, or How Bill Is Hillary Clinton's Reverend Wright:
Let us say, and why not, that surrogates for the Obama campaign, aided and abetted by the RNC and the media, decided to go after Hillary Clinton in relation to the Monica Lewinsky scandal (and, to be clear, no matter what you think about impeachment, the President of the United States getting blown by a White House intern qualifies as a scandal). Let us say, and, indeed, why not, that in order to gain some ground lost by the interminable focus on Jeremiah Wright, Obama's surrogates decided it was time for a little refresher course in the shit people put up with in their personal lives.

It would be so fuckin' easy to take down Hillary Clinton, and the RNC knows it and can't wait for the chance to do it. Obama hasn't, and probably won't. Here's the one-two-three of how, if the Obama campaign truly wanted to go negative, the Clinton campaign would be over. Follow the bouncing ball of a logical progression to the nuke:

Where did the liaisons between Lewinsky and Bill Clinton take place? In the White House, especially in the Oval Office or a study off the Oval Office. So where the President of the United States holds meetings with the leaders of the world, as well as his cabinet and members of Congress, as well as photo ops with we the ordinary people, in a space that is paid for by the taxes of the people of the United States, Bill Clinton placed his cock in the mouth of an intern for no better reason than he was bored and her mouth was willing.

What exactly are the problems with Reverend Wright as they relate to Barack Obama? Wright said some not so nice things about the United States and he spouted a couple of conspiracy theories. At church. Of what is Obama guilty in his connection to Wright? Well, as Hillary Clinton and the North Carolina Republican Party have asserted, he didn't get up and leave and break from his church of 20 years.

You see where this is going? You getting that acidy feeling in your stomach? Well, gird yer loins, motherfuckers, 'cause it's time for this ride to go into the dark parts.

Applying the standard set for Obama in his relationship to Jeremiah Wright to the marriage of Hillary and Bill Clinton, do we not have every right to ask why Clinton did not divorce her husband. Oh, sure, you can say, "Well, that's crazy, it's a personal decision, it's a family thing," but Hillary Clinton chose to stay married to a man who not only repeatedly betrayed her, which we could interpret in lots of ways about her character, both good and bad, but to a man who spewed adulterous semen at the White House on America's dime. No, Bill Clinton might not have said, "God damn America," but he sure believed that American could pay for a place for him get his dick sucked. So it ain't that far a leap to say that he betrayed America, too.

You may ask, "What about Chelsea?" Chelsea was eighteen around this time. She was heading off to college. And the marriage was 22 or 23 years long at the point of intern penis insertion.

So there's your ad, your talking point, your goddamned spin: Hillary Clinton chose to stay married to a man who defiled the Oval Office and insulted America by trying to convince us that it wasn't sex. Why didn't she "get up and leave"?

And we could add: And this man is now her main campaign representative and will be returned to the White House he defiled, filled with interns. (Cue the ominous music and the slow-mo of Bill wagging his finger at us, like we did something wrong. Oh, fuck, that's the final insult, no?)

How do you feel after reading that? Feel like throwing up? Wonder why the fuck any of this shit really matters when it takes fifty bucks to fill your gas tank? Feel spattered with Scaife jism? Got Rove jam in your eye?

Is the idea for the ad just ludicrous? Fuckin' A, it is. But, really, is it qualitatively less ludicrous than the continued uproar over Reverend Wright? Barack Obama didn't say, "God damn America." His pastor did. That one time, as far as we know. Frankly, it's elitist and snobby to think that someone can just walk away from his church because the pastor said a couple of "bad" things. And, frankly, it seems that if your husband is constantly fucking around, it's a bit more of a leap to say that it's cool you stayed with him.

And let's use another Clinton talking point against her: do you think the GOP ain't gonna bring up Lewinsky if she's the nominee? You think that the threat of Bill wild and free in the White House ain't gonna be an issue?

So how about this: why doesn't Hillary Clinton condemn the uproar over Wright for the good of her party and her country instead of fanning the flames? Or would that seem too presidential?