Why Rush Limbaugh Ought to Be Force-Fed His Own Liposuctioned Fat, Part 89: "Phony Soldiers" in Context Edition:
One secret you don't hear about Rush Limbaugh is that the chair he sits on in his studio has actually merged with his ass, that the fat of his buttocks and upper thighs draped over the sides of the seat like fleshy globs of melted marshmallow, in essence swallowing the chair. Now, conveniently, wherever he goes, he can sit. Yeah, it's rough on his back, but, in the long run, it's less walking and standing, so the joints in his worn out legs get a break. That chair is the longest, most successful relationship he's ever had.
A man has to have mighty big things shoved up his ass in order to call any soldier who served time in Iraq "phony" because he or she wants the war to end. But Rush Limbaugh is the right man with the right ass at the right time. We know how this is gonna go: It was taken out of context, it's a smear. He'll do the O'Reilly dance. Limbaugh's gonna say that he didn't believe a caller, Mike in Chicago, was the military man he claimed to be. And he really meant people who fraudulently claimed they were soldiers, like, as he mentions, the strange story of Jesse Macbeth.
But here's the thing: read the context and the entire transcript. "Mike" is trying to get Limbaugh to say when the war can end. He says he used to be military and he's a Republican, to which Limbaugh responds, "And I, by the way, used to walk on the moon." When the next caller, who sports wood for the war, says that he's been in the military for 14 years, Limbaugh says, "Thank you, sir." Yep, Rush has amazing radiographic psychic powers to know which people on the other end of the phone are telling the truth about their lives.
But Mike in Chicago doesn't live up to Rush's paradigm - and here's the nutzoid right's warning to Republicans: Rush tells Mike in Chicago, "You can't possibly be a Republican" and that "I don't know a single Republican or conservative, Mike, who wants to pull out of Iraq in defeat." That's how you know now if you're a real Republican, according to Rush: you gotta want to kill more American soldiers and Iraqis. Oh, and apparently there's a qualitative difference between Chuck Hagel's withdrawal desire and Harry Reid's.
Then, because bugfuck insane just isn't far enough for Rush, he says, "[A]ll of these anti-war Democrats are getting even more hell-bent on pulling out of there, which means that success on the part of you and your colleagues over there is a great threat to them." Get it? Democrats want the troops to fail in whatever the hell the troops are doing. They, actually, want more troops to die because that'll mean they lost.
Phony soldiers, phony Republicans, traitorous Democrats. It's funny, really, in a Duke Cunningham gets raped in prison kind of way, to watch the implosion of the bloviating right. Between Limbaugh's degradation of soldiers who aren't bloodthirsty enough for him and O'Reilly's discovery that black pimps don't beat their ho's at restaurants, we're witnessing the desperate gasping for air of a movement that was degraded from the start, but has now become about as valid as a serial rapist giving fashion tips to high school girls.