Make Room For Fred Thompson's Saggy Jowls:
In a move more inexplicable and crazily egomaniacal than Rudy Giuliani running for President, Watergate stooge, lobbyist for hire, intensely mediocre actor, and even more intensely mediocre former Senator Fred Thompson has tossed his hat into the Republican ring. Thompson's qualifications seem to be jowls and a hot wife who adores plastic surgery. Oh, and in In the Line of Fire, he was a prick to Clint Eastwood.

But, in case Thompson's looking for lines to use in his ads, which no doubt will have all kinds of patriotic music and use of his sonorous Foghorn-Leghorn-on-Tylox voice and talk about how gen-you-ine Thompson is because he's a millionaire from Tennessee as opposed to being a millionaire from, you know, New York or Arkansas, here's a few quotes from a review of one of his epic performances:

"Beautiful, big, strong, majestic...truly an absolutely amazing animal. See how he whinnies furiously and rears up in rage, the whipping of his ebon tail and the trashing of his hooves, the flaring of his nostrils and the glare of his eyes. When he gallops, just listen to the mighty beating of his hooves, you may even feel his hot breath at the back of your neck. Absolutely gorgeous! When this ruthless monster rears his handsome head, you’d better run for cover, coz he’s the boss of his very own gang of fearsome stallions, each one of them professional racers, bred to compete" - from a review of Racing Stripes, where Thompson was the voice of the evil horse Sir Trenton