Why Bill O'Reilly Ought To Be Sodomized With a Stripper Pole, Part 2:
Surely, yes, there are weightier matters in this world than just about anything Bill O'Reilly expels from his body. There's the bizarro statement of the President that we're not at war with Russia (which, hopefully, is not news to anyone, although it could have been worse - Bush could then just listed all the countries we're not at war with); there's the sentencing of Scooter Libby, all ready for his new nickname: Scrotum Licky; there's Lindsay Graham's bitchy little hissy fit on the floor of the Senate because Barack Obama dared to offer an amendment to the increasingly subhuman and more or less dead immigration bill; and, of course, of course, there's the G8 Summit and, you know, the war. But let us pause in the muck and mire for a moment, for a palate cleanser, if you will.

For, indeed, if there's one thing Fox "news" host and a man who once mistook a guy in Spongebob suit for a loofah, Bill O'Reilly, loves more than the pungent odor of his own armpits moist with outrage and bluster, it's strippers. One can be sure that, every few months, strippers will somehow make it onto his show. Sure, sure, sometimes it's in a "newsworthy" story like the Duke lacrosse team not raping a stripper, but often it's just an out-of-nowhere interview that makes one pause to ask, "What the fuck does this have to do with, well, fuck, anything?"

Such a moment occurred on last night's episode of the ongoing soap opera The O'Reilly Factor. There was no apparent reason that O'Reilly should interview just graduated University of Nebraska student Jenny Heineman about her senior thesis other than the fact that Heineman wrote about strippers. And she's a stripper. In Omaha. Which sounds sad, except when you realize that she could be a stripper across the river in Council Bluffs, Iowa.

So O'Reilly had Heineman on his show to ask her such scintillating questions as, "What is it that makes it fun for you?" and saying things like, "Come on. Be honest. You like it," which is roughly the same conversation that O'Reilly had with a Des Moines hooker while she was blowing him behind the Cow's Patty bar, with the hooker not able to answer because she was concentrating on putting O'Reilly's tiny, demi-hard wiggle worm in her mouth.

And the whole "interview" was an opportunity for O'Reilly's producers to show, repeatedly, file footage of half-dressed dancing women pouting in a mirror and parading on stage. Yet O'Reilly still found it in him to lecture Heineman: "You're getting naked in front of guys. That's not what most job descriptions are. But anyway, congratulations on graduating," followed by "And we appreciate you coming on," which is exactly what O'Reilly told that Des Moines prostitute when he finally dribbled a bit of seed in her hair.

Heineman got a B for her thesis. And a helluva lot of publicity from news producers looking for something to allow them to avoid talking about the real, depressing shit. Just like, well, you know, certain bloggers in need of a brain washing.