Let us say, and why not, that Donald Trump likes to watch members of his administration fuck and get fucked by animals. I mean, if there is one thing we know about Donald Trump, it's that, for almost every activity in his life short of playing golf and fucking porn stars and feeling up his daughter and glad-handing dictators, he prefers watching to doing. He stares at the goddamn TV all day. He makes other people do the firing. He doesn't even like to walk. That's how little he does. Remember the alleged pee tape? It wasn't that Russian prostitutes were pissing on him. He requested that the prostitutes do a show of pissing on the bed that Barack and Michelle Obama slept on when they were in Russia, and he watched that show, probably with that little, cruel smirk on his bloated, putrid face.
So let's say that when Trump wants to know how much his advisers, cabinet officials, and assorted lackeys are devoted to him and his mission to fuck shit up for the sake of fucking shit up, he asks them to have some kind of sex with some kind of animal. It's a loyalty method he learned from Roy Cohn, who was well known for letting goats fuck his ass whenever McCarthy wanted him to. Hell, McCarthy would invite J. Edgar Hoover over for a goat party, and Hoover would show up in full drag to let McCarthy pinch his man-tits while Cohn eagerly took goat cock.
Obviously, there are some true believers who are tripping over themselves to get their bestiality on with whatever beasts Trump wants. Mike Pompeo gladly fucked a large sow, who barely noticed it was being fucked. Betsy DeVos has had her ass eaten out by a well-trained iguana and a particularly anxious labradoodle that shit on her back. Racist ersatz human Stephen Miller creeped everyone in the room out by having a tiny grin on his unmoving face in his enormous alien head while he was fucked by a German shepherd.
Trump sits there in the Oval Office with the curtains closed and watches it all, usually with Ivanka, Jared, and his secret nurses by his side.
Mike Pence made a deal with Trump early on: no anal penetration and no placement of his holy dick in the orifice of another of God's creatures. However, Pence has learned to love sucking animal cock. He's blown donkeys and chimps. He even jacked off a lemur. Trump loves throwing new animals at Pence to see if he can get it to jizz. He'll have someone bring out a pangolin or some weird shit, and Pence will take stock of the situation before breaking out the hand lotion or lip balm and get down to business. "Hey, Mikey, he likes it," Trump will say when the aardvark or hairless cat ejaculates in Pence's pinched, pained face, and then Trump will look around to see if people get his 1970s joke and laugh. They do. Of course, they do.
When someone leaves the Trump administration, it's usually because they finally refuse to finger fuck a crocodile pussy or run away when they how weird a capybara penis is. Occasionally, they get out early. James Mattis avoided Trump constantly until one day the president pinned down the then-Secretary of Defense, handed him a jar, and said, "You smear this peanut butter on your balls and let that Great Dane lick it off." Mattis was out before the cap was even off the Jif. Kirstjen Nielsen let herself get fucked by a Shetland pony and let prarie dogs nibble at her nipples, but she drew the line when Trump had a boa constrictor brought out and wanted her to use it as a vibrator. Trump keeps pushing, wanting weirder and more dangerous shit because that's what it takes to keep him watching.
And then there are those who try and try but never can do enough. Poor Jeff Sessions made every effort to please the ever-watching president. He fucked sheep and chickens and all the farm animals he was given. He fucked and fucked, even though he was exhausted, even though he couldn't even orgasm anymore. When Trump started checking his phone to see how many retweets he had while Sessions was getting fucked by a frantic miniature donkey, it broke the Attorney General's soul.
So when someone new gets into a prime position in the administration, it's good to keep an eye out to see how willing that person is to go whole hog, if you will, into Trump's bizarre fetish/power trip.
When newly-minted Attorney General William Barr was speaking to the House and then the Senate judiciary committees this week, it was pretty clear that he was on board with the bestiality. That is a man who is DTFA. You could watch him lie about his redactions in the Mueller report and imagine that he had just been gang-banged by horny spider monkeys. You could watch him make the genuinely surprising and entirely fucked-up assertion that the FBI had been "spying" on the Trump campaign without good cause and picture this bulbous motherfucker hunched over while a zebra humped him. You know he gave a thumbs-up no matter how much pain and rupturing it might cause. Bill Barr will get fucked by animals as much as Trump wants.
I know, I know, we don't want this shit in our heads. We don't wanna think about Ben Carson receiving a rim job from a cocker spaniel. But we have to understand that the worst is happening. And the worst will continue to happen until it's stopped somehow. Hell, maybe the animals will have to do it for us. At this point, we'll fucking take our heroes in any genus. It's awful and it's agonizing and it's unending and it's not funny.
Although, ok, Mitch McConnell getting reamed out by a rhino. That's funny.
