Trump's Completely Batshit and Evil Statement About Saudi Arabia and the Murder of Jamal Khashoggi

(Note: There were about 20 other things I was thinking of writing about today, but when you're living in times of fast-paced dumbfuckery, sometimes the newest, shittiest object has to be discussed.)

The White House released a statement today that is the rhetorical equivalent of President Donald Trump performing analingus on Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince (seriously, fuck that title) Mohammad bin Salman while bin Salman jacks off on Stephen Miller's bald head. Essentially, Trump is telling the world that Saudi Arabia and bin Salman have bought their way out of any culpability. And he's telling the intelligence agencies of the United States that they can go fuck themselves with their assessments.

It's an honestly stunning document, one that actually seems as if Trump was involved in writing because of its psychotic combination of ignorance, blindness, and apathy, like a bunch of his tweets strung together. Also, it reads like fucking moron dictated it to Stephen Miller, who added his special sauce of dickishness.

For one, it's got sentences that end in exclamation points. Who the fuck does that in an official release about anything, let alone a murder? The thing is titled (or epigraphed - who can tell?), no shit, "America First!" That's followed by the idiot bray of "The world is a very dangerous place!" Thanks for that update.

Trump starts by saying that Iran is the worst of the worst of the worstest worsts that every worsted worstness. It's a paragraph filled with easily proven lies, like "the Iranians have killed many Americans." No, they haven't. And then Trump goes on about how Saudi Arabia is a peace-loving nation that just wants to end the war in Yemen if only those mean Iranians would let it happen: "Saudi Arabia would gladly withdraw from Yemen if the Iranians would agree to leave." The Iranian military is not in Yemen. There is some support of the Houthi rebels. But when the Houthis wanted to calm shit down, Saudi Arabia responded by bombing the fuck out of them some more with U.S.-made weapons, which they are gonna need to buy more of from us.

Hey, did you know that Saudi Arabia has promised to spend shit-tons of money, according to Trump? Yeah, he repeats the lie that the Saudis are gonna "invest $450 billion in the United States" which "will create hundreds of thousands of jobs." What are we gonna do? Let China and Russia get all that filthy lucre? How can a motherfucker get a kickback if that happens?

Getting down on his knees and Chapstiking up his lips, Trump finally gets to the savage murder of American resident Jamal Khashoggi's murder at the Saudi embassy in Turkey. Trump shits all over Khashoggi, who, one might be reminded, can't defend himself since he's in multiple pieces somewhere. See, though, it's not Trump saying it. He's just quoting the Saudis, who are saying Khashoggi "was an 'enemy of the state' and a member of the Muslim Brotherhood" and, what else, a werewolf, that's right - a fuckin' werewolf. Can you blame anyone for killing a werewolf?

Once again, though, Trump goes to his usual postmodern take on truth (with another fucking exclamation point, the vape pen of punctuation): "It could very well be that the Crown Prince had knowledge of this tragic event – maybe he did and maybe he didn’t!"

Who can ever know truth in a crime? What kind of magic would that involve? It's unpossible. Besides, Trump says, fuck you: "The United States intends to remain a steadfast partner of Saudi Arabia to ensure the interests of our country, Israel and all other partners in the region." And if anyone, like, say, some dickhole members of Congress, wants to do something about it, well, "As President of the United States I intend to ensure that, in a very dangerous world, America is pursuing its national interests and vigorously contesting countries that wish to do us harm. Very simply it is called America First!" (Yes, one more exclamation point because goddamn imbeciles only understand you when you yell.)

There you go. The President of the United States told a country of medieval barbarians that everything's cool as long as Donald gets paid. "America First!" means we are no longer going to even pretend to be a beacon for freedom and justice. We are fine with the extrajudiciary murders of legal residents as long as it's done by someone who Trump wants to curry favor with for whatever obscene project Don, Jr. or Jared are working on. American capitalism first, really.

The rule of law has always meant nothing to these awful people. It merely gets in the way of grotesque profit-mongering. These fuckers would sell the kidneys of their children if they thought it would net them a buck. The rest of us don't stand a chance. This is evil shit right here.

The pathetic hope I have now is that the IC is so fucking pissed off at this fucker that they finally go apeshit on him. "You wanna see the Deep State in action, motherfucker? Buckle up, buttercup!"