Random Observations on the Democrats Getting a Win and Trump Losing (Part 1)

1. Democrats won. Don't let any motherfuckers spin it any other way. It's that simple. No, Democrats didn't win as much as we would have wanted. Yes, they lost a couple of seats in the Senate. Yes, there were some heartbreakers, like Beto O'Rourke losing to the desert skink in a human skin suit, Ted Cruz. But, in the light of day, after all the counting is done, Democrats began Tuesday by having no power in federal government (beyond the Senate filibuster) and ended it with full subpoena and investigative power as the majority in the House of Representatives. That's a fucking unequivocal win, taking some longtime seats from the filthy hands of the GOP. And bathe yourself in the blood of the deaths of the political careers of Kris Kobach, Dana Rohrbacher, and Scott Walker, among so many other fucknuts. So quit bitching about the losses, hang in there for the recounts, get jazzed about the local and state victories, and get ready for the coming war.

2. We all want Nancy Pelosi to put on the deluxe spiked strap-on and ream the assholes of the Trump Administration. God, their yowls of pain would be like sweet music for the next two years. Lemme lay out a better strategy.
- Target the most corrupt cockmites in the White House, like Ryan Zinke and Wilbur Ross (although look for their resignations soon).
- Wreck the scumfucks in the GOP caucus, like Devin Nunes, Steve King, and Chris Collins, with ethics investigations. Demonstrate that we don't want traitors and Nazis and thieves in power.
- Shove a hearing enema into the sphincter of things like white nationalism, voter suppression, immigration fuckery, and anything that can shine a light on the shitpile of cruelty, negligence, and outright evil committed by the GOP and conservative nutzoids.
- And release the fuckin' hounds on judicial nominees. Yeah, the House doesn't vote on 'em, but it can sure as shit investigate if someone's a damn sexual predator.

3a. But pick the battles with Trump. Goddamn, I want him to suffer subpoena and arrests so fucking much that I can taste the orange tanning spray dripping off his sweaty face. I want him to watch his horrible jizzstain children sent to prison. I want him to see his fake empire burned to the fucking ground with lawsuits and bankruptcies until he is just another pathetic, poor old racist, mumbling to himself in some stinking room that he used to be someone. But the risk is turning Trump into a martyr because he loves playing the victim who needs his idiot hordes to defend him. Start with his taxes. Find out if he's really under "continuous audit," as he said today (Note: He's not because that's not a thing). Use that info to say he's a lying dickhole and should release his taxes. Then subpoena them. Then have a fuckin' fight. And when the Mueller report is issued (well, if it's issued now), use that as the basis for an investigation into how the Russians own Trump.

3b. The counter to this is that Trump is gonna whine and attack Democrats for any investigating at all, so, fuck it, may as well go whole hog. Go after all of 'em, from dumb thug Eric to skeevy thug Don, Jr. to incest model Ivanka, and make Jared cry. Go after Trump's finances, from his money-laundering to his hotels used as bribe machines to his dicking over of investors. Scorched earth this motherfucker. Fuck it. What do you think Trump's gonna do? Play nice? Make deals? Democrats won the House precisely to be a check on Trump. So fuckin' check away. And impeach the bitch.

4. Trump was a quivering, desperate little jelly man today at whatever the fuck that press conference was. He was lashing out at any reporters who dared to challenge him, going so far as calling an African American reporter "racist" for asking him about racism. You know he wanted to send goons to break CNN's Jim Acosta's legs. He was ranting and sweating and threatening and then trying to say he'd work with Democrats. He praised himself endlessly, going so far as to say that the only lesson he learned from the midterms was that "People really like me." He really said, "God plays a big role in my life." He claimed that candidates who he campaigned for won, despite the fact that that is objectively not true (he went to Montana four times, but Jon Tester won, for example). What we were watching were the wheels coming off the wagon as he realized that Democrats would now be able to show the Americans people that he really is just a tiny mushroom dick.

5. Shit's gonna get crazy pretty quickly. More on that tomorrow.