You know what the problem with the story of the boy who cried, "Wolf" is? It ends with a fucking wolf eating the fucking sheep. The lesson is supposed to be about lying. Yeah, he cried, "Wolf" over and over, just for shits and giggles, but, in the end, there was a wolf. Wolves exist and they lived around that area, and even if you're wrong a hundred times, all it takes is one wolf to ruin your flock. So you stay vigilant. You try not to be a dick and cry out because you're bored. You call out a warning when you think something's amiss. And maybe, just maybe, you'll actually stop the wolf. It's the way we approach terrorism, right? It's better for everyone to lose their shit and run around screaming over every little threat than it is to miss the terrorism. (Note: this only applies to Muslims.)
And so must it be with nominees to the Supreme Court. Yeah, as Bret Stephens writes in the New York Times, liberals do fire the warning flares into the sky with every Republican nominee. And fuckin' Republicans do the same goddamn thing when a Democratic president nominates someone. Look at the complete fucking freakout over Elena Kagan by gun nuts. They were practically tearing their clothes off in the middle of the street and screeching that the Second Amendment was all but dead and gone if Kagan got in. Guess the fuck what?
It's only been a few days, and we're already into a genre of editorial writing and punditry that amounts to "Calm down there, little liberals" when it comes to Trump's latest nominee to the highest court in the land. Damon Linker over at The Week (Motto: "Four free issues are too many") actually titled his "The liberal freakout over Brett Kavanaugh is not helping." Linker, in a way that's far more face-punch-worthy smarmy than Stephens, tells us that Kavanaugh is a respectable, regular ol' piece of shit conservative. There's nothing especially notable about him other than he has actual experience (unlike some of the fake finalists in Trump's reality show search for a justice). Linker scolds, "The tendency of Trump critics to treat everything the administration does and everything the president says as abnormal remains concerning."
You know, if I was walking in the forest and I saw Bigfoot taking a shit, I wouldn't say, "Well, that's just perfectly ordinary behavior. Nothing odd about that. Carry on, Bigfoot." No, I'd think, "Holy fuckballs, that's fuckin' Bigfoot and he's gonna rip off my fucking face after he's done shitting if I'm not careful." Just because Trump does something without barking at the moon and jacking off on Sean Hannity's face doesn't mean that we should think of that seemingly normal action as anything but of a piece with everything else he does. Just because Godzilla stops on his rampage to scratch his balls, Tokyo's not safe.
These complete misreadings of the historical moment range from "A Liberal's Case for Brett Kavanaugh," which boils down to "If we're nice, will Republican promise to stop hitting us?" to the ne plus ultra of complete garbage, "I don’t know Kavanaugh the judge. But Kavanaugh the carpool dad is one great guy," which is really not an Onion article, although it reads like one (Sorry, coaching a girl's basketball team is not the same as deciding the future abortion rights for those girls) to every tweet and comment about what a swell teacher/friend/colleague/boss or tender lover Kavanaugh is. Who the fuck cares? Really. Who the fuck cares?
The reason that we on the left are "freaking out" is because that's all we've fuckin' got. We know that, barring the revelation that Kavanaugh was regularly grabbing pussies or got an enormous payoff from Trump for his enormous credit card debt (and, even then, most of the MAGA fucks would say that was just the Deep State doing deep state shit), Kavanaugh is in. And we know that when he's in, he is going to overturn Roe, gut the Affordable Care Act to death, open up gun laws so every fucknut can get a bazooka, and defend Donald Trump's right to remain president no matter how many babies he puts in cages or Russian dicks he gladly gobbles. And we know that the real fight should have been over Merrick Garland, that we should have shut the entire fucking operation of the country down until Garland got a hearing and a vote, that by simply letting that slide (and Barack Obama fucked up royally here) under the idea that Hillary Clinton would obviously be elected and the fight could continue, we missed a chance to really affect the balance of the court.
The real answer to anyone who says we should calm the fuck down is that we would have been calmer about this if Republicans hadn't fucked up the entire process of confirming a justice. But they were motherfuckers because that's what they are, so now we get to lose our shit.
We know that the time to freak out over everything is here. And if we don't freak out, if we don't cry, "Wolf" every time we hear a howl or snarl, then we'll be ripped to shreds when the wolves finally arrive.
