Yesterday, loser Mitt Romney said that there might be a "bombshell" in Donald Trump's taxes, like that he's not as rich as he claims (duh) or doesn't pay much in taxes (double duh) or something else that doesn't really reach "bombshell" status. However, there are other things that could be lurking within Trump's 1040.
1. Income from Trump-brand abortion pills, the only abortifacient where you tell your fetus, "You're fired."
2. Deduction for tanning as a business expense. Also, a medical expense.
3. Donation to Undocumented Immigrants for Climate Justice and Gun Control.
4. Medical deduction for thousands of unused bottles of Effexor and thousands of empty bottles of prescription Rogaine.
5. Research funding for "Micropenis extension technology." Also, "donkey penis attachment surgery." Also, Melania.
6. Claim for twenty dependents, all teenage Chinese boys. Also, adoption credit.
7. Schedule C for his self-published translation of Mein Kampf with pictures of Trump photoshopped at rallies at the beginning of each chapter.
8. Deferred combat pay for his time in prep school, which Trump described as "like I was in the military."
9. All campaign costs deducted for "job-hunting."
10. Income from trademarking the phrase "Donald Trump is a gigantic asshole." Also, "Fuck Donald Trump."
