Republican Representatives: "Relief for Me, Not for You":
A little recent history lesson: Back in October 2004, the House of Representatives passed the Military Construction Appropriations and Emergency Hurricane Supplemental Appropriations Act of 2005. Originally, it was just a military construction bill, but when Florida got its orange ass kicked by four hurricanes in a few months, Congress added roughly $13.6 billion in disaster relief. The vote on the final bill in the House was 374 to 0.

Being a "Military Construction" bill, it was filled with pork, great, huge helpings of piggy meat that, pre-hurricane, the House had agreed to 420-1. Why? Because, as cannot be said enough, one representative's pork is another representative's vital project for the home district. And this one had "military" in its name and it was 2004 and Bush was president and you were a fucking traitor if you said one goddamn word about military spending. So barely a peep. In the entire Congress, only David Obey voted "no."

You know what didn't get any discussion in the hurricane part of the bill? Offsetting the cost by cutting elsewhere. Funny how that works. Not a single symbolic vote against the money spent on disaster assistance and reconstruction. Why? Because that's what the fuck you do when you're in Congress and someone else's district gets face fucked by Mother Nature with a tornado strap-on or earthquake or hurricane or blizzard. Because next time it could be your district's face getting fucked and you want others to want to get your constituents help.

Now, we could have a big bunch of fun listing all the Republicans who voted for a pork-laden hurricane supplemental back in 2004 who just yesterday decided to vote against relief for Superstorm/Hurricane Sandy victims, which, by the way, will also end up attached to a Senate bill funding military and VA projects. But let's focus in on just one GOP bag of douche.

Rep. Jeff Miller's district in the Florida Panhandle has some of the most beautiful beaches in the nation. Of course, when Hurricane Ivan hit his district hard, he was ready to offer assistance and to seek help from the federal government. Indeed, at a campaign rally for his reelection in Pensacola with Miller at his side in 2004, Dick Cheney assured Miller's constituents, "We want you to know the federal government is doing everything possible to help. The President has approved $13.6 billion for the people of Florida and other states hit by the hurricanes."

So you'd think it would be a no-brainer for someone from an area that gets bitch-slapped by hurricanes and tropical storms all the time to support relief funds for Sandy-hit areas, especially if you've asked for and supported those funds for your own people before. Not if you're Jeff Miller. The ass-lick who took over Joe Scarborough's seat voted against the Sandy bill. And that's pretty much the definition of "fuckery."

Another way to go with this is to look at places that have been hit by natural disasters that received federal relief funds and see how their representatives voted. Like Billy Long of Missouri's 7th District, where twister-fucked Joplin, Missouri sits. Or any of the other Florida reps who did the same. Fuck, even a couple of Republicans from Katrina-damaged districts in Louisiana voted against the bill, like Steve Scalise because, oh, dear, a bit of what he thinks is pork was in there.

As New Jersey Republican Representative Frank LoBiondo said to his colleagues and his own pathetic caucus yesterday, "[Y]es I'm angry, you're changing the rules for hundreds of thousands of people in the middle of the game. Florida, good luck with no more hurricanes, California, congratulations, did you get rid of the Andreas fault? The Mississippi is in a drought, you think you're not going to flood again? Who are you going to come to when you have these things? We need this, we need this now. Do the right thing as we have always done for you."

Let's go a little more Jersey here. What LoBiondo was saying was, "You want to fuck us? We'll fuck you right back." Things are gonna be fun at the next caucus meeting.