6/03/2010

Five Other Things George W. Bush Would Do Again (and a Brief Note Regarding Sarah Palin):
Former President (no, really) George W. Bush spoke last night in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where he said, "Yeah, we waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. I'd do it again to save lives." He did not follow up with how it saved lives. However, not reported was the list of other things Bush said he would do all over again.

1. "Yeah, I choked on that pretzel. And I'd eat it again to stop it from choking other people."

2. "Yeah, I knew the invasion of Iraq was gonna be a clusterfuck. But I'd do it again because I got Saddam's gun and that's cool."

3. "Yeah, I let Dick Cheney run the joint. But I'd do it again because, trust me, you didn't want me decidin' shit."

4. "Yeah, we screwed up after Katrina. But I'd do it again because, truth be told, I don't care about black people."

5. "Yeah, I did snort a whole bunch of cocaine before coming out here. But I'd do it again because it's really awesome blow."

A Brief Note Regarding Sarah Palin's Opinion of Environmentalists:
So the woman who quit as governor of Alaska blames environmentalists for the BP oil rig/well disaster. In another of "her" endless Facebook postings, she rambles nonsensically for a while about how opposing oil drilling somehow forces companies to drill for oil. (No, really, could someone point out to her that we don't want deep water drilling either?) She notes that Alaska is still available to fuck up and wonders why we don't just go ahead and fuck it up already. She connects the dots like a particularly spastic second grader on how less domestic production means more reliance on foreign oil and how "Some of these countries don’t like America." See? It's a choo-choo train.

But the money shot that she ejaculates right in your face is the end: "Radical environmentalists: you are damaging the planet with your efforts to lock up safer drilling areas. There’s nothing clean and green about your misguided, nonsensical radicalism, and Americans are on to you as we question your true motives." Now, beyond the whole "radical radicalism" redundancy, what the fuck does this dimwit who masturbates with a caribou-antler dildo mean by "your true motives"? Conservation? Real development of alternative energy sources? Is that the insidious motive?

More likely, Palin has put on her traitor goggles and has equated devotion to oil companies with devotion to country.