Yes, We Do Want to Kill You, Old People:
Alright, alright, you caught us and, boy, our faces are as red as the blood on our hands. No, no, it's okay for us to come clean. Stop shouting at the Rude Pundit to shut up. We need to admit to the right that, ultimately, one of our greatest goals with health care reform is to kill old people. Goddamn, that felt good to say. The Rude Pundit thinks he's gonna put on his Angel o' Death suit right now and head to the local state-run nursing home to "consult" about end-of-life issues with the patients. By the end of the day, betcha tens of thousands of dollars in Medicare bucks will be saved. Oh, yeah, the Rude Pundit wants to watch as millions of senior citizens are forced to lay in warehouse dorms, moaning in pain until they shit themselves to death. Fuck, oh, god, the thought of the sounds and the smell gets liberals hard and wet. We'll watch through one-way glass and have orgies, climaxing when a buzzer sounds to indicate one more government burden has agreed to die or be killed. Then an Obama-approved nurse will bring us the corpse so that we can throw it on the floor and continue our fucking on top of the bodies. It is our way.

So, yep, when Pat Buchanan queries in his latest column, titled, no, really, "Time to Go, Grampa" (a title that makes it seem like Gramps is an incontinent pet on his way to the vet), "[I]s not the logical purpose of paying doctors for house calls to the terminally ill, whose medical costs are killing Medicare, to suggest a pleasant and early exit from a pain-filled and costly life?" what can we answer but "Pills or shotgun?" Of course, Buchanan takes all this to its inevitable outcome: "Hitler’s Third Reich, marrying Social Darwinism to Aryan racial supremacy, carried the concepts to their logical if horrible conclusion." But who are we to argue when it's so patently clear that a discussion about a living will is just cover for our nefarious, pseudo-Logan's Run dystopianism.

And, yep, Tony Perkins at the Family Research Council (motto: "If babies weren't aborted, Tony Perkins wouldn't have a salary") is right when he exposes, "The bottom line is that health care rationing isn't coming--it's here. And until euthanasia is specifically prohibited in the legislation, the only thing that should be humanely killed is the plan to encourage it." The legislation doesn't prohibit prescriptions for blow jobs and fingerfucks by dedicated professionals, either, and that's legal in Nevada. So it must include it. Fuck, we thought of everything.

Fred "God, I Got Old Fast" Thompson tries to cover for his right-wing allies, accusing "Democratic strategists" of creating the whole euthanasia controversy: "It does seem that the words attributed to unnamed conservative culprits are fairly mild compared to the hysteria coming out of left-wing Web sites and blogs." (Note to Thompson: The Rude Pundit just named a couple of them. And one of 'em compares health care legislation to the Holocaust.) Putting on his rational hat, Thompson says, "So is this a conspiracy to kill off granny? No. Will seniors be forced to make decisions they don't want to make? No. But will 'practitioners' be encouraged to have end-of-life discussions that include when it might be best for patients to allow their life to end earlier than it has to? Of course. And seniors have a right to be satisfied that there is not, at the heart of this process, undo consideration given to cost-cutting."

But, sweet, bejowled character actor, you're wrong. This is a conspiracy to kill off granny. Indeed, let the word go out to townhalls everywhere: if you bring granny or gramps to the doctor once this bill becomes law, they will be given Obama's "care." In fact, the Rude Pundit encourages the grandkids of Buchanan and Thompson to make sure their grandparents get the best "care" government-run insurance can provide.