Democrats Are Pussies and They're Getting Fucked:
The Rude Pundit's not nearly as old as Sammy Alito, but he remembers the day a couple of hot Socialist college girls walked into the university newspaper office and asked to talk to whoever would listen about subscribing to The Militant, the Socialist Workers Party newspaper. So the Rude Pundit and a male friend went out for drinks with the hot Socialist college girls, who were touring regional universities to drum up business for the Socialists. At the end of an evening of teasing, pleasing, and free love, the Rude Pundit, who not only flirted with socialists, but with socialism, gladly signed up for a few months of The Militant. Someone told the Rude Pundit that simply subscribing to the newspaper assured the Rude Pundit a file with the FBI - it was the late Reagan era. Which the Rude Pundit took as a badge of honor (and probably wasn't true). After the months were up, the Rude Pundit had moved on to The Nation and mainstream liberalism, and, well, the memory of the evening dimmed when the re-subscribing bill came in the mail.

The point here ain't that the Rude Pundit was blown into socialism. The point is that if someone asked him why he signed up for The Militant, he'd fucking remember it and remember why he did it. So when Sammy Alito says of the Concerned Alumni of Princeton that he has "no specific recollection of that organization," but then says why he may have joined it, he's a fuckin' weasel at best, a craven liar at worst. In fact, why not follow up with, "Well, Judgey, since you have no recollection of the CAP, a racist, sexist organization, might it be possible that you have no recollection of other groups you may have belonged to? Like the KKK? Or the White Aryan Resistance? You are a skinhead, Judge Alito. What about forgotten events? Like that ecstasy-fueled evening where you drove into Philadelphia and pissed on the Liberty Bell after jacking off on Independence Hall, screaming, 'Hey, Sam Adams, here's your beer back'? I mean, c'mon, who'd recollect that?"

But that kind of interrogation would take more than the dull, monotonous, barely comprehensible half-dribble of questions and speechifying the Democrats engaged in yesterday. (Would someone please tell Joe "Behold My Combover of Integrity" Biden to shut the fuck up if he's not gonna ask a goddamn question?) What we got from virtually every Democrat (and the allegedly "moderate" Republicans) was the sight of generously lubricated orifices just begging for a fucking from Republicans. Even Ted Kennedy was reduced to droning sonorously about the cases he wanted to discuss with Alito. Only Russ Feingold and Chuck Schumer got anything from Alito, with Feingold causing Alito to back into a corner like every mob stoolie Alito ever cut a plea deal with. Feingold got Alito to admit that he was wrong when he said that a "computer glitch" caused him to take on a case involving Vanguard companies, with whom Alito had nearly $400,000 invested.

Then there's Alito himself, who, if this was about 18 months ago, would be called a "flip-flopper." To quote Maureen Dowd (from today's column), "Is he the old Sam, who devised ways to upend Roe v. Wade and crimp abortion rights? Or the new Sam, who has great respect for precedent and an 'open mind' about abortion cases?

"Is he the old Sam, who plotted ways to tip the balance of power to the executive branch? Or the new Sam, who states that 'no person in this country is above the law, and that includes the president'?

"Is he the old Sam, who said Robert Bork 'was one of the most outstanding nominees of this century' and 'a man of unequaled ability'? Or the new Sam, who shrugged off that statement as the dutiful support of one Reagan appointee for another?"

Or, in other words, Alito is the typical conservative little bitch, who will lie openly about his beliefs in order to achieve power because he knows that the majority of the country (and the Senate, if so-called "moderate" Republicans actually existed) disagree with them. Goddamn, Ruth Bader Ginsburg fuckin' laid it all out there, love it or leave it, man. The crazed Robert Bork was willing to say, "Yes, I do fuck mothers," which took guts. And Alito is about as nutzoid as Bork; he just spits less when he expresses it. Or he claims he doesn't believe what he believes, which makes him a little yapping bitch.

The most absurd statement came from Senator John Cornyn, who claimed to Alito that Democrats "have already decided to vote against your nomination and are looking for some reason to do so." It's like saying, "Democrats have decided not to shove cucumbers up their asses" while you desperately try to get that green gourd all the way to your anxious prostate.

How about this for a Democratic strategy now and in the debate after - act like the general public is fuckin' sick of the Republicans and how they've led the nation. Act like Americans are begging for someone to stop the crazy train we're on. 'Cause if you can't pull the emergency brake, then you need to get thrown onto the tracks. Slam this motherfuckin' Alito for being the weaselly bastard he is. Stop making him into some noble, nice guy - fucker defended a warrantless strip search of a ten year-old - what more do you need? Remember: no one gives a shit beyond CNNMSNBCFox how badly Republicans slam Democrats for being "obstructionists." No one cares when Bush says the same thing. What the public will remember in November is that Democrats stood for something, that they drew a fuckin' line, man.

Dry yourselves off and slap those hard Republican cocks out of the way, or it's just gonna be another sad right wing rape.