When There Is No More Room in Hell, Pat Robertson Interviews Donald Trump

Desiccated ghoul and putative minister Pat Robertson was propped in a chair like a carcass left out in the sun too long in order to interview Republican presidential candidate and elderly yam Donald Trump today. It was, predictably, a combination of lies, savagery, and cold-fingered hand jobs.

There are so many moments of utter idiocy that it's almost hard to pick out the best-worst ones. For instance, talking about the Supreme Court's decision in DC v. Heller, which affirmed the individual's right to fuck up everyone else's day by owning oodles of guns, Trump praised Antonin Scalia and said that the opinion was "his last decision or one of his latter decisions." Which would be totally true if Scalia had blissfully died in 2008, when the Heller decision was issued, but that vile fucker lived another seven years. In other words, Trump has no idea when the Heller case was from.

Then the two old white men talked about third trimester abortions without saying a single honest word about it, and decrying that women should have the right to choose. Trump praised himself for getting "phone calls" from "pastors" who said they had "never heard anyone explain quite the way I explained it" at the recent debate with Hillary Clinton. Unless those callers told him, "Jesus fuck, Donnie, what you said was so much bullshit that you actual gave the nation brain damage," then they were liars.

Trump, who is not only a noted constitutional scholar (no, really, Robertson said that Trump knows more about the Constitution than Clinton) but obviously a medical doctor, went on to say, "Well, according to the rules of Hillary you can take the baby at nine months and you can imagine what you have to do to that baby to get it out. And you can take that baby at nine months and you can abort. And a day prior to birth you can take that baby. And I said that’s unacceptable.” And untrue, but, hey, fuck it, who cares when you can say something that sounds terrifying and the animated corpse of a hatemonger wearing the leathery and yellowed skin of a holy man agrees with you.

For a Jesus-huffer, Robertson sure loves him some war, and he asked Trump about Syria, which made Trump go off on his usual tangent about how Syria means Russia means Iran means something something oh, wait, Mosul. And then he talked about how he thinks the Mosul offensive (which, we should always be reminded, is being fought by the Iraqis and the Kurds, with an assist from us) is going to shit. He repeated his standard complaint that we "shouldn't have warned" anyone about the invasion and that the ISIS leaders probably escaped. Does he understand that the point of the invasion was to drive ISIS out of Mosul? And that if the leadership left, that means it might be easier to retake the city? Or is that just the kind of logic that his 200 generals or whatever the fuck are supporting him might deny? "I think it's being run by Obama," Trump said, as if a president directs the daily operations of a battle.

Honestly, the whole thing was repulsive, like watching two drooling, pox covered goblins face fuck each other while giggling madly and spraying their black orgasm. It ended, as such things do, with a climactic act of complete fucknuttery. Robertson asked Trump to pledge to "never lie" (except for national security because, fuck it, why not) if he becomes president. Trump, who has demonstrably, provably lied repeatedly and did so again during that very interview, agreed because, obviously, that's what liars do.