Unless You're a Wizard, Shut the Fuck Up, Matt Drudge

There is stupid and then there is deadly stupid. Stupid is "I'm not gonna evacuate my home from a monster hurricane because I love all my shit." Deadly stupid is Matt Drudge, the internet gadfly and human Port-a-Potty.

Because, see, in his Twitter feed and on his website of the godforsaken, Drudge has said that the National Hurricane Center is hyping Matthew and lying about wind speed because they want to "make exaggerated point on climate" change. He has also declared that the winds in Haiti weren't as intense as reported so we shouldn't be as worried because, apparently, meteorologists get off on gridlock and panicked people, I guess.

Oh, by the way, here is what a town in Haiti looked like after Matthew passed by:

Not enough? Here's a part of Cuba where Matthew hit:

Now that shit should scare you into getting the fuck out of your palm tree-rowed mobile home park. But if you listened to conservative talk radio, you might have heard Rush Limbaugh himself today on Oxy the Obese Clown's Analotorium of Fart Noises telling you that Matthew is being hyped because Al Gore needs to prove that climate change is real. No, really: "After Katrina, remember, Al Gore and all the global warming people? They were happy! They were beating their chests like Tarzan out there, and they were saying, 'This is just the beginning! Because of climate change and because of global warming, we're gonna have hurricanes like this every year, many of them.'"

Yes, Big Science is once again trying to protect its precious NSF grants. Just ignore the fact that just because storms haven't hit the United States doesn't mean the storms haven't happened.

If by some shift of direction, Matthew completely misses Florida, well, that doesn't mean the NHC is completely wrong. They adjust the forecast as new information becomes available. It doesn't mean that Drudge is some kind of wizard who can communicate with storms that bear his name. It just means that weather does that wacky shit.

Otherwise, Jesus fuck, fine, just fucking stay there, Drudge readers and Limbaugh listeners. Fucking stay and drown and get your asses reamed by flying debris with your corpses devoured by alligators. You'll end up improving the nation considerably in your absence.