Random Observations From Watching Hillary Clinton Sodomize Donald Trump Repeatedly Last Night

1. From the beginning, the tone of last night's third presidential debate (aka "The Time an Orange Pussy Was Grabbed by a Former Secretary of State") was set from the first question from moderator Chris "Do You Still Love Me, Roger?" Wallace. It was about the Supreme Court and how the candidates view the role of the court and the Constitution. Democrat Hillary Clinton offered a thoughtful explanation of the Supreme Court as a check on the powerful. Republican candidate and imploding rage persimmon Donald Trump took a different tactic.

First, he talked about how one justice had totally dissed him: "Justice Ginsburg made some very, very inappropriate statements toward me." Then he veered into the one amendment he apparently has heard of: "We need a Supreme Court that in my opinion is going to uphold the Second Amendment, and all amendments, but the Second Amendment, which is under absolute siege." So don't worry, Third Amendment fans, you still won't be forced to quarter soldiers. In other words, Clinton said something that was real and possible and Trump followed up with ego, fantasy, and lies. That Clinton didn't respond to Trump's every answer with "The fuck are you saying? Yo, Chris, what the fuck is that? Fuck, fucking dumbfuck" before kicking him in the taint and sodomizing him with a dildo on principle is some kind of miracle of self-control.

2. Well, there was that one moment when Clinton said, "Let me translate that, if I can, Chris" when Trump was rattling off a stream of not-really-consciousness about the economy.

3. Clinton let her feminist freak flag fly in full last night with her response on a question about abortion. She gave up the total bullshit line that abortion should be "safe, legal, and rare" because, let's face it, it ain't ever gonna be rare. Instead, she offered absolute support for Roe v. Wade and, when asked about late-term abortions (when Wallace used the anti-choice dog whistle phrase "partial-birth abortion"), Clinton made an impassioned and compassionate case for its necessity: "The kinds of cases that fall at the end of pregnancy are often the most heartbreaking, painful decisions for families to make." Goddamn, it was great to see Clinton get her activist dander up for women's rights again.

3a. Trump responded, in one of his most mentally-challenged moments, that "based on what she's saying, and based on where she's going, and where she's been, you can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb in the ninth month on the final day. And that's not acceptable." No, motherfucker, that's not an acceptable abortion. It is a c-section, however. No doctor is cutting open women and swinging babies around by their umbilical cords like it's on the end of a slingshot and tossing them in the garbage. To Donald Trump, compassion is what you show people who like you. Everyone else can suck it.

4. Trump, dude, fuckin' marry Putin already and move to Russia where he can rub bear oil on your pendulous man nips.

4a. And what the hell was all that dissing of American intelligence agencies? Trump was on some kind of paranoid rant about how "you don't know" that Russia wasn't behind email hacks when, like, every intelligence group says it was Russia. There are lots of reasons to criticize our spying for its invasion of Americans' privacy (a subject, like climate change, never brought up in the debates), but to go to the mat over what country hacked a private email account is a desperate play for one's lover's attention.

4b. Pendulous. Man. Nips.

5. Yeah, yeah, Clinton still seemed like she's stumbling around when asked about her email server. But, truly, what the fuck else is there to say? "I fucked up," she's told us time and again, and, unless you believe, like Trump, that the FBI is just a big scam to protect Hillary Clinton, how is the whole thing even relevant except as something, anything to use to criticize Clinton?

6. Trump said Clinton was responsible for the following things:
a. His use of Chinese steel in his buildings
b. His not paying income tax for 20 years
c. Women saying that he has assaulted them
d. The timing of the attack to take back Mosul
Seriously, if she's this powerful, we better fuckin' elect her or she's just gonna use her obvious wizard-abilities to murder us all like we're just Vince Fosters in a park.

7. Trump can't help himself with his misogyny. In addition to his condemnation of the women who said he tit-groped, force-kissed, and pussy fondled them, at one point, when Clinton said, "My Social Security payroll contribution will go up, as will Donald's, assuming he can't figure out how to get out of it," Trump proclaimed, "Such a nasty woman." Just to put this in context: By that point, late in the debate, Trump had said that Clinton had committed high crimes, is "crooked" and running a "crooked campaign," and shouldn't even have been allowed run for president. But, sure, implying that Trump, who has said he's proud he doesn't pay taxes, might weasel out of paying for Social Security, that's the nasty part. Trump has never been a position where he had to listen to woman tell him what a piece of shit he is when there was nothing he could do about it.

8. And, of course, Trump proved how this whole thing is just a fuckin' game to him when he said, in answer to a question about whether he would "accept" the outcome of the election, "I will look at it at the time. I'm not looking at anything now. I'll look at it at the time...What I'm saying is that I will tell you at the time. I'll keep you in suspense. OK?" And there it is. This is a goddamn sporting event, a very special episode of The Apprentice: Deplorables Edition to him. You got that sense earlier when he smirked that he should have won an Emmy for his idiot show. He followed up today with a coy "I'll totally accept" the election results "if I win,"

And what does that even mean? Fuckin' hell, Republicans, especially those in Congress, didn't accept Obama's election twice. Trump just said it too early. And Trump doesn't have to concede. That doesn't change the outcome of the election. He can stand there with his dick in his hands and pretend like some challenge he makes will change the outcome. But unless a court accepts it, he either has to lead his idiot hordes into revolution (which he won't and which, with maybe a couple of exceptions, they won't) or he has to slither back to his golden penthouse and pretend his entire life hasn't become a huge goddamn joke.