Donald Trump Won't Go Gentle Into That Good Night, Will Take as Many of Us as He Can

Donald Trump, Republican presidential nominee and Arion slug, has decided that if he's going down in flames, he's gonna take as many of us motherfuckers with him. At this point, Trump is like Hans Gruber at the end of Die Hard, thrown off the tower but grasping onto the hand of a woman as she and John McClane try break his grip before he drags her off, too. Take heart, sweet America: Hans Gruber winds up as a popped flesh balloon at the end. (Oh, sorry. Spoilers.)

Trump is flailing around like someone shoved a spiked butt plug up his ass and he keeps twisting around and around, trying to reach back to pull it out, not realizing how far it's already gone up his own shithole. In the last 24 hours, as the sad-but-oh-so-expected revelations of the number of women he assaulted and ogled grew, Trump has pushed his rhetoric from stupidly unhinged to Mussolini on a meth bender in a speeding Fiat barely clinging to curves on the roads of the Amalfi coast.

His speech today in West Palm Beach, Florida, had him going full Protocols of Zion, declaring, "Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of U.S. sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends, and her donors." To which, I suppose, one could ask, "Dude, you're allegedly a fuckin' billionaire. Are just pissed that none of those people will return your calls?" Clinton does have connections to the wealthy. No shit. But it's as if Trump made her an honorary Jew so he could get in some antisemitism along sexism. Then he proclaimed there was collusion between the media and the Clinton campaign. "Let's be clear on one thing, the corporate media in our country is no longer involved in journalism," and that'd be true except that the one thing the Trump campaign has done for the nation is revive the role of journalism as at least something of a check on those who might just wreck the joint. (Let's hope this is an awakening that will continue, no matter who is president.)

In that same speech, Trump asked the crowd if he would be so low as to molest a woman who is obviously below his beauty standards. Regarding the reporter from People magazine, Natasha Stoynoff, Trump, who looks like what you'd get if you wiped a tangerine under a refrigerator and let it dry into a wrinkled ball, said, "Take a look. You take a look. Look at her. And look at her words. And you tell me what you think. I don't think so. I don't think so." The crowd was so frothingly supporting him that if he had taken a shit at that moment, the people near the front would have torn each other apart to gobble it up when he finished.

We're not even getting into his attacks on Paul Ryan (who, to be fair, deserves every kick in the nutsack he gets), his threat to sue the New York Times (which was met with a "No, fuck you" from the Times's lawyer) and his accusers, and how his candidacy has pretty much started the implosion of the religious right, along with the GOP and the entire conservative movement.

It'd be great to take pleasure in this, except that it's pleasure built on the agony of every woman he assaulted, every small business owner he dicked over, and everyone he ever treated like shit. Let's just hope things don't keep escalating at this rate. We're not that far from him calling on his idiot hordes to become stormtroopers.