Let us say, and why not, that you are a regular at a sports bar, a loud joint that's often filled with people watching one game or another on the screens around the place. And let us say, and, indeed, why not, that you're a guy and there's this other guy at the bar who keeps bragging about how he's a black belt in krav maga, which you're not 100% sure is a thing (the belt, not the fighting technique), and how he can kick anyone's ass in the place because of his training. Most of the time, you're too busy watching the Yankees lose this season to give a shit. But then there's this one time where Johnny Krav Maga is taunting you for your team being kind of crappy this year and he's getting in your face and insulting you and finally you tell him you wanna take it outside. Let's see these skills. You figure if nothing else, you'll get to see how a black belt in lady gaga, or whatever the fuck he said, beats you down.
Except that Johnny backs off. He says that he doesn't want to hurt you. And, besides, he doesn't want to waste the energy on you to show you. You see this happen time and again. Johnny on the verge of a throwdown and then he demurs. Nah, not now. Well, now you just gotta know. Is this black belt real? Does this prick know kray mama or whatever the fuck? Or is he just full of shit? You want him to prove it. You want the big fuckin' talker to put the fuck up or shut the fuck up.
And that's where we are with Republican presidential candidate and America's angriest moldy tangerine, Donald Trump. Trump simply refuses to release his tax returns, saying that he doesn't have to and therefore he won't, 40 years of tradition be damned. You can go fuck yourselves with your demands. The funny part is that, to his blitheringly dim followers, it's working.
When you read the comment threads of the damned over at the Trump-fellating website Breitbart (motto: "Andrew was a scum-sucking piece of roach shit, and we're not fit to lick his shoes"), for instance, you see levels of denial that will require regression therapy to deal with. If you want to see the returns, writes one poor sucker, "You're a big government fascist who loves taxes and wants to see people's private information." Another says, "Nobody cares about the tax returns except never trump crybabbies and Crooked Hillary's cronies." (That's unedited, by the way.) "Tax returns are just another failed attempt to derail Trump and it won't work," assures a third. On Twitter, the tweeterers are saying things like "If Trump had a 'BOMBSHELL' in his taxes the IRS would have leaked long ago since he is audited yearly." Have you sighed out loud yet?
Let's put aside for a moment that Trump said he'd release his taxes multiple times. Put aside that Trump said that Mitt Romney needed to release his taxes in 2012. Put aside that Trump demanded that President Obama release his birth certificate because Obama had the nerve to assert that he was born in the United States. Put aside, if you can, your knee-jerk response that Hillary Clinton hasn't released her speech transcripts (she's released her tax returns, but if Trump wants to release all his paid speech transcripts, well, then you have an argument). Put all that aside and focus on one thing.
Here's the deal, dear, dumb Trumpinistas: Your guy made a big fuckin' show about how he's worth $10 billion. So fuckin' prove it. Why should we take his fuckin' word for it? And if you do blindly believe him, then you're even stupider than your support for him demonstrates.
Donald Trump is acting like a little bitch when it comes to his taxes and his net worth. Your candidate is a little bitch. You don't want him to be a little bitch? Then show us the money. Or some fuckin' ledger or accounting system or, hey, the tax returns. And not the financial disclosure forms, which are so vague that you can say you're a bazillionaire and no one would care. Either he's worth billions or he ain't. We know he's gaming the tax system. And there is a damn good chance that he has a significantly low income compared to what he brags about.
If Trump's telling the truth, and, shit, let's give him $3 billion worth of wiggle room, well, that'll make us look like assholes and probably get him a fuckload of votes. But if he's lying, well, let's be frank here. You're dumb, so you'll probably still find a way to sweep that under the rug and slur out a desperate "Make Umerka Great Agin."
But, between the taxes and his bizarre refusal to say that he used to pretend to be other people in talking to people about his business and personal life (something he's admitted in the past to, among others, the New York Times), know that Trump is just a little bitch, a tiny yapping dog that can't do shit because he's so much smaller than he pretends to be.