Forsaken by God and GOP, Evangelicals Have the Sads

Apparently, evangelical Christians are feeling abandoned by the Republican Party. Like a wealthy businessman who tosses aside a wife in order to marry a younger woman, the GOP - in the form of its voters - has decided to shitcan the usual boring old politicians who kissed the Jesus's ass and gone with a dick-waving hedonist who couldn't give a single shit about the Bible even when he tries. Yeah, the poor Christ-lovers have the sads over Donald Trump, and they're sounding like pussy atheist liberals over it. Said one God-fearing woman, "I really do feel like in the future I would hate to look back and say, ‘I voted for Hitler.’ I feel like that may be what is happening if I vote for Trump."

Yes, Father, you have forsaken them. Trump even attacked one of the leaders of the creepy conservative Southern Baptist Convention, Russell Moore, for the thought-crime of questioning the racist statements coming from the Republican nominee. Thus tweeteth Donald, "Russell Moore is truly a terrible representative of Evangelicals and all of the good they stand for. A nasty guy with no heart!" Trump only has one cheek, apparently.

One GOP activist says that Christian conservatives are gonna take a mulligan on this whole goddamned election: "I think they will probably stay home. That’s what I’m hearing. That’s what happened four years ago, that’s what happened eight years ago.” Of course, should Trump pick a beloved son or daughter of the godly people to be his running mate, well, that's another matter. Richard Viguerie, the longtime right-wing fluffer who is shockingly still alive, explained, "He needs to prove to us that he’s worthy of our support."

Oh, silly old fuck, Donald Trump doesn't need to prove a damn thing. That's the whole point of his campaign. The man has already said he ain't changing his tone, he's doubling down on all the things he believes, including that transgender people should be able to use whatever shitter they want, and he doesn't give a happy monkey fuck about outreach. Hell, he'll just tout the support of Jerry Falwell, Jr. and other leaders and groups in the movement, and he'll say how everyone can say, "Merry Christmas" or some such shit and promise to buff Bibi's balls and make Israel great again, and that'll be just enough Christian idiocy to please the yahoos.

But, mostly, fuck you, evangelicals. You sold your souls to the greedy, pandering politicians to fight for you in the bullshit culture wars. You ignore people who actually want to do things that Jesus talked about, like helping the poor and the sick and the oppressed, in favor of false prophets and sinners who get you to believe the lie that you'll get rich by making the rich richer, and that's fine as long as they hate them some queers and abortion, the twin baubles you are tossed as your presumptive leaders rob you blind, turn you into willing hypocrites, and tell you it's all God's will.

Right now, you're actually thinking about voting for the vulgar serial adulterer. And if you feel, as one pastor said, "abandoned by our party," well, shit, it was never really your party. You were just the marks for a bunch of con men, starting with Ronald Reagan. And as long as they abided by your hatred of difference and progress, you let them go on conning you. Now, in Trump, you finally have to face a candidate who can barely find the time to pay you lip service, let alone give you the blow jobs you're used to.

Congratulations, motherfuckers. Get on your knees. Not to pray. Now it's your turn to blow.