Scenes from Our Neverending Abortion War: Wiping Away a Right One Regulation at a Time

In Republican political circles, limiting and ending safe abortion access are seen not just as articles of faith. They are prime features of conservative thought. "We support a culture of life," say the people who want to carpet bomb other nations and ban orphan refugees from coming to the shores of virginal America, all while they support torture and the death penalty. "We support women," they say, while waging legislative war on anything that gives women autonomy over their bodies. The right thinks about abortion the way a pony fucker thinks about horses: "Well, I like fucking it when it's a pony, but when it grows up, I just can't reach, so, no, I do not like horses." Not fucking the pony doesn't even come into the equation there.

In states across the country, legislatures are still working their pony-boinking dicks off passing regulations and limitations and general fuckery to destroy the legal right to abortion. Some of these are just blatant, naked blockades to any and all abortion access.

For instance, Oklahoma has pretty much lost its goddamned mind when it comes to wrecking the lives of any doctor who would dare to offer an abortion. The Senate there just passed a bill that amends the definition of "unprofessional conduct" that can cause the state to take away the medical license of a doctor. SB 1552 adds several phrases that, in essence, say that any doctor who performs almost any kind of a safe, legal abortion on a patient will have their license suspended and be subject to complete revocation. This means it's for a physician who "has performed an abortion...with an intention other than to increase the probability of a live birth, to preserve the life or health of the child after live birth, to remove an ectopic pregnancy, or to remove a dead unborn child who died as the result of a spontaneous miscarriage, accidental trauma, or a criminal assault on the pregnant female or her unborn child." No exception for rape or incest or even the life of the mother.

By the way, Oklahoma statutes are clear that only a licensed physician can "perform or induce an abortion." So if this new restriction passes, it will be legal for a licensed physician to take care of a woman who wants an abortion, but that physician will then lose their license.

By the way, another bill that would make it first-degree murder to do abortions is currently stalled in Oklahoma because there is apparently a line that even crazed Republicans won't cross. It's sort of like when a porn actor is fine getting a train run on his asshole while being shit on but refuses to participate in vomit games [Note: Don't google that]. Everyone's gotta have standards.

Most states' Republican legislators and governors are not willing to go quite so far as Oklahoma to control the bodies of women, or they want to at least have plausible deniability that they aren't trying to outlaw abortion, even if they're totally trying to outlaw abortion. Florida is about to ban any state funds from going to any organization or clinic where abortions are done. So even if the vast majority of what a clinic does is pap smears and prenatal care and breast cancer screening and HIV testing, it would be ineligible for Medicaid if it gives women abortion pills. Over in Mississippi, the House passed a bill that would limit what instruments a doctor could use while performing a surgical abortion if those instruments are used to dismember a fetus. The Indiana legislature is debating a bill that would question the motivations of women who are seeking abortions, preventing any abortion for a fetus that has been diagnosed with disabilities. The supporters are calling it an "anti-discrimination bill," which is so hilarious you just want to curl up in a ball and sob.

Meanwhile, in Ohio, where Gov. John Kasich recently signed a law banning state funds from going to Planned Parenthood, a Columbus clinic for that organization was defaced with graffiti calling it a "Satan Den of Babykillers" (in all caps, of course, of course). Of course, it'd be more accurate to call the place "Jesus's Paradise of Making Sure Women Can Have Babies" since mostly that's what Planned Parenthood does. But it's not quite as catchy.

All the politicians who supported, sponsored, and passed these laws, and hundreds more around the country, are holding their breaths, awaiting the Supreme Court's decision on the Texas clinic regulations. The one sign of sanity in all this was the court's suspension of a similar law in Louisiana, right next door. Louisiana had been down to just 2 clinics briefly, but now the four that closed under the law are back open.

So when you're in a voting booth in November, wondering if you should maintain your purity and not vote if your preferred candidate isn't on the Democratic ticket, know that you'll have the potential bodies of women stacked up on your conscience.