Louisiana Probably Will Never Recover From Its Jindaling

We should come up with a sexual act called "Jindaling" in honor of former Gov. Bobby Jindal. It should be filthy because Jindal and the Republican-loaded legislature did ungodly awful things to Louisiana. It should offer no way out and do long-term damage because the mess that Jindal left behind when his term ended in January has put the state in a near unstoppable spiral of economic destruction. So let's add that up. Filthy...no exit...spiral...Got it.

A Jindaling is when you're no-lube ass-fucking someone in handcuffs while their head is in a toilet you just shit in and they can't say the safe word because you keep flushing. You could also call that "the NOPD special."

Every day, Louisiana learns of more financial fuckery that sinks the state deeper and deeper. For instance, on Monday, the deficit for this year grew from $940 million to $957 million because $17 million in FEMA money to help the state with hurricane relief won't be coming this year. And the state learned that it will have to pay $71 million in interest on a bond Jindal had used to balance the budget. The money from the bond was supposed to be used for construction projects, but Jindal played a "shell game" in order to declare that his bullshit conservative ideology on taxes was working. How many states must suffer before we put a stake in the heart of supply-side economics, before we cut off its head and stuff it with garlic? How many states must suffer from the rank egotism of governors with national ambitions?

Oh, and next year? Louisiana will have a $2 billion deficit. For those of you working the math out, that's a titanic fuckload for a state the size of Louisiana. When Jindal took office, Louisiana was like a pig in shit from Katrina relief money and high oil prices, flush with more cash than it knew what to do with, so, of course, Jindal cut taxes, which is the one fucking thing he could do short of setting the money on fire to do nothing but harm for the vast majority of his state's citizens.

Shiny new Governor John Bel Edwards addressed a special session of the legislature on Sunday, laying out a program of budget cuts and tax increases in order to try to close the budget hole. Without action, Edwards has said that draconian cuts across the board will have to take place, including cuts to universities that might cause programs and entire campuses to close, including the beloved LSU football program (which is really hyperbole because, if the Tigers don't play, a whole bunch of drunk people will have nowhere to go on Saturdays in the fall but to burn the capitol).

Among the proposals is a hike on the alcohol tax, which hasn't been raised since 1948. This being Louisiana, that'll bring in a shit-ton of revenue. Of course, all this talk of higher taxes has been welcomed by the state like a low-cholesterol diet. Republicans have put out an ad criticizing the proposals because motherfuckers will be motherfuckers. Polls show that Louisiana residents oppose tax hikes because no fucking shit.

So far, Edwards and the legislature have cut $60 million in existing government budgets. That includes slashing the budget of the public defenders, which caused the Plaquemines Parish office to close as of today. Indefinitely. Public defender offices across the state are facing the same fate, laying off staff and refusing cases, leaving poor defendants sitting in jail. Orleans Parish's cuts have prompted a lawsuit from the ACLU. Oh, and the state has threatened to stop payments to colleges for students who are getting financial aid in the form of TOPS funds (sort of a Louisiana Pell Grant). Yeah, a hike in the income tax on the wealthy is way worse than dicking over the poor and middle class.

Remember that the only reason Edwards won the governorship is because Republicans thought they could get whoremonger David Vitter elected (hell, his crimes hadn't harmed him in his Senate races). Otherwise, Louisiana would have elected another Jindal-type fucknut, possibly with a shorter neck, to continue the swirly fucking. They weren't looking for a savior. They just didn't like the skeevy dude who wore shitty diapers while getting punished by hookers.

So, obviously, there's already a movement to recall Edwards just a month into his term.

The Rude Pundit remembers a time when his state was stupid but not wantonly cruel. Now, whatever nobility of the working class kept the state somewhat sane has long been abandoned for the phantom promises of conservative dogma, a system of belief that requires as much blind faith as religion.