It's an Armed World, After All:
How much of small-dicked, paranoid coward do you have to be to bring a loaded gun to Disney World? That question was answered yesterday when a small-dicked, paranoid coward named Angelo Lista brought a Cobra .380 semiautomatic pistol to the Magic Kingdom.
The gun was found by a grandmother who was on the Dinosaur ride at the Animal Kingdom with her grandson. Lista said the gun, loaded with 5 hollow points, "had fallen out of his buttoned back pocket during the bumpy ride." By the way, the ride isn't about killing dinosaurs; instead, you are supposed to drive around the majestic, if deadly, beasts, doing research.
He was apologetic, at least. And he claimed that he had just accidentally left the gun in his back pocket and didn't realize it until he was on the tram from the parking lot, the inconvenience trumping common sense. And he claimed that he didn't know that Disney World has a no-weapons policy. Meanwhile, the rest of us claim that Angelo Lista is fucking stupid to think that it's cool to wander through Fantasyland with a goddamn gun.
Lista does have a concealed carry permit. And here's the fun part: "Disney authorities can order a guest to leave for violating the policy, but if the owner legally possesses the weapon, they cannot press criminal charges." So Lista just had to leave the park. Bad man make Mickey sad. But, hey, bring your guns. What's the worst that can happen? And you never know if you'll need to take out Chip n' Dale.
Now you can harp all you want about how you are a good, responsible gun owner and know what you're doing at all fucking times and you'd never do something so careless. We all think that about the shit we believe we're expert at. But as sure as you're sitting there, smugly thinking you're better than everyone else who does the exact same thing as you, you will shoot yourself in the groin.
Reader Meadrus on the Twitter machine sent the Rude Pundit a link to a concealed carry forum where one yahoo bragged about how he "carried for my first time in Disneyland." Truckoholic (yes, Truckoholic) wrote, "Well, this past week I carried for my very first time in Disneyland. Went down and met up with my sister's family to take my niece to Disneyland for her second birthday." He thought about using an ankle holster, but instead he went with the inside-the-waistband one. Yeah, don't want to be uncomfortable on the spinning teacups with your toddler niece.
Anticipating a question, Lucky Dog answered, "My typical response is that while it may be safe in that location, getting to/from the parking lot (not to mention inside the parking lot itself) is not going to be as safe."
How scared do you have to be? How deluded, brainwashed into thinking that your gun is all that stands between you and imminent bodily harm in the parking lot at Disneyland? Should the costumed characters carry? Should Goofy have a Glock? Should Pluto have a pistol? Should Woody have a real six-shooter? Would Donald Duck, with all his anger issues (and possible PTSD), pass a background check?
To his credit, the moderator of the forum replied, "Disneyland has a no weapons policy, even for CCW holders. Please do not carry there and if you do, please do not post about it here." See? It's not really all that hard to give the respect to which you yourself think you are righteously entitled.