A Texas Judge Reams Newt Gingrich's Vicious Ass:
Here is what Newt Gingrich said about Judge Fred Biery on Bill O'Reilly's Carnival of Oddities and Freaks on December 20, 2011: "Why do the American people have to tolerate an anti-religious bigot sitting on the bench?" Gingrich's big head of doom was a-quiverin' in anger because Biery, a Texas federal judge in San Antonio, ruled that a local public high school could not have an organized prayer to start a graduation ceremony. The decision was later overturned, but the parties involved were told to work it out. And they did, with a 27-page decision on what could and could not be said at the graduation.

In other words, the court system worked as it should. And for that, Gingrich used Biery as Exhibit A for why judges should be impeached or hauled before Congress for decisions that he didn't like. Or, as Newt put it in a December 5 "news" conference, "I'm prepared to call for abolishing the office of Judge Biery in San Antonio, because he is such a bigoted, anti-religious judge, who, I think, violates the American tradition and the American system."

In his opinion this week, Biery decided to kick Newt Gingrich in his tiny balls. The first part is almost poetry:

"What This Case Is Not About
The right to pray."

Biery goes on, "Any American can pray, silently or verbally, seven days a week, twenty four hours a day, in private as Jesus taught or in large public events as Mohammed instructed." He offers footnotes from the Bible and the Quran to back him up.

And then he lays out exactly what "The Real Issue" is: "Does the United States Constitution allow a government entity elected by the majority to use its power to tax and its agents and employees to support and promote a particular religious viewpoint not held by a minority?" That seems pretty damn, umm, what's the word? Noncontroversial?

He ends with a personal statement:
"To those Christians who have venomously and vomitously cursed the Court family and threatened bodily harm and assassination: In His name, I forgive you.

"To those who have prayed for my death: Your prayers will someday be answered, as inevitably trumps probability.

"To those in the executive and legislative branches of government who have demagogued this case for their own political goals: You should be ashamed of yourselves."

For big time fun, though, check out Appendix II, which, swear to God, will make you come with joy, as Biery fucks conservatives with a rhetorical strap-on by recounting the history of religion in a succinct, sarcastic, and utterly exhilarating way. After saying that Homo sapiens are the only creatures that know they're going to die, Biery writes, "Not wanting their existence to end, Homo sapiens developed a multitude of theories and hopes, encompassed in thousands of religions, of how they can avoid simply returning to the Earth from when they and other species came." Oh, yes, it does go on like that, talking about torture and war and the Constitution. It's the best judicial porn of the year.

On page 4, Biery has an intentional misspelling that should be the death knell of the career of one politician: "While religious institutions bestow many blessings and try to alleviate suffering, those acts of Grace are newtralized by religious Homo sapiens who exhibit an historical and continuing pernicious and pervasive tendency to kill other humans and confiscate the property of those, sometimes even within the same religion, who do not believe as they do."

Fuck, the Rude Pundit needs a cigarette.

(Tip o' the hat to rude reader Craig D. for the last link.)