A View of the Future in the Wake of Yesterday's Supreme Court Decision:
That's right. In addition to sucking people dry over the internet to make their own ads and instead of PACs doing their big-ass donors' bidding, politicians can count on corporations to throw millions upon millions of dollars into commercials supporting a specific candidate. First they took our bowl games. Now they'll get our members of Congress. Money is speech, motherfuckers. We always knew it could talk. Hey, maybe if they're willing to pass a couple of disclosure laws, members of Congress can all be honest about whose whores they are.

Senator Orrin Hatch is brought to you by the good people at Merck. Merck: Because Vioxx isn't the only thing we make that'll fuck you up.

Senator Mitch McConnell is brought to by the executives at R.J. Reynolds. R.J. Reynolds: Can you believe how much shit we've gotten away with?

Senator Lisa Murkowski is brought to you by the shareholders of ExxonMobil. ExxonMobil: Suck our pipeline and suck it good, America.

Congressman Jack Murtha is brought to you by the people protecting our nation at Lockheed Martin. Lockheed Martin: The reason why we fight so many wars.

Senator Joe Lieberman is brought to you by the fine people at Wellpoint. Wellpoint: Sorry for the rejection, but you should blame your family for that diabetes.

The Rude Pundit? Other than the fine, fine readers who sustain him with their contributions, you know who brings him to you: