What the Fuck Does Glenn Beck Believe, Why He's Dangerous to the Right, and 14 Ways for Him to Flame Out:
The Rude Pundit has to admit to being mildly obsessed with the destruction of Glenn Beck. It's not that Beck's some kind of right-wing demagogue. No, that's run-of-the-mill shit. It's not that he's so fully, incoherently wrong about everything he says. Anyone who would, as Beck did, put Che Guevara, Saul Alinsky and Woodrow Wilson together as roots of the end of America has no understanding of anything. Not even how to fucking breathe. No, what pisses the Rude Pundit off is a simple question: "What the fuck does he believe?" (It's the same question that plagues Glenn Greenwald.) The corollary questions are "What's his fucking goal?" and "What's the fucking goal of the tea bag movement?" Anyone got an answer?
Read the shit that's all over his 9-12 Project site, like the "9 Principles, 12 Values." It's like having a dwarf tap dance on your forehead without the momentary charm of the act. There's nothing in it except some vaguely nihilistic version of a kind of populism that he thinks springs from the elitist landowners who started this nation. The only conclusion is that he doesn't actually believe in anything except his own rightness. And that means he's either insane, a con man, or both. The Rude Pundit knows greedy frauds. And, crazy or not, Beck's one of 'em.
The reason Beck is, as Greenwald says, "a histrionic intellectual mess" is that there is a fundamental flaw at the center of the whole movement, the whole faux ideology that Beck has concocted around this conspiratorial mythos about Barack Obama and the government that is equal parts Dan Brown, Brigham Young, and Lyndon LaRouche: the natural end point of Beck's anti-(some)corporations, anti-Wall Street, anti-tax, sort-of-libertarian, sort-of-anarchist weepy ranting is real and genuine progressive populism. Yes, Beck is tapping into some sweeping discontent in this country, what the Rude Pundit has previously described as pent-up, misdirected rage at the Bush administration, and what he's harnessed and ridden like Slim Pickens on the bomb is the energy that comes with anger. And the fact that Democrats have ceded this fury, often expressed by the least articulate and stupidest among the mob, has led us to where we are with health care and taxation and myriad other issues.
But they have nowhere to go. The problem with the Beck followers is that all Beck offers them is some weirdo ideas about returning to some sort of state of nature, except with Jesus hanging out there, like Utah, one supposes. What they should be directed to do, like the poor back in the 1930s, is to demand more from their government, to demand a truly progressive tax system, to demand safety nets that function, to demand trust-busting and corporate oversight, to demand strong unions and programs that strengthen communities. If this was a century ago, the tea party protesters would be marching to let Andrew Carnegie treat his employees as he saw fit and to give more money to Rockefeller and Vanderbilt.
It's no wonder that others on the right are turning on Beck. He is their Frankenstein monster, created by Murdoch to conquer death, but with the brain of a maniac. He must be destroyed now before he kills again.
And the Rude Pundit wants to see Beck fall, hard, back to alcohol, coke. Found with a pile of kiddie porn while fucking a stump whore. Whatever. Cruel? Sure, but these are vicious times. In fact, for real fun, the Rude Pundit asked the Facebook rude friends for their ideas of how Beck will implode and collapse into himself, creating a black hole in Nutzoidland. Here's some of their responses:
-A web clip of him rehearsing his "crying" that ends with him saying "that oughta impress those white trash bastards"
-Video of him snorting amphetamine off of Pat Robertson’s genitals.
-Maybe O'Reilly will falafel him to death for not giving him the common courtesy of a reach-around
-Booze and a freakin' ripped hot dude that's hung like a donkey... just for the added irony
-His other wives come out of the dungeon, more pale and in need of more magic underwear
-Booze and Gannon
-Being discovered masturbating to a copy of Hellcats of the Navy while dressed in full nurse drag
-My guess is that he's a poorly, or untreated, bipolar. His undoing will be something like another suicide attempt or a naked climb up the side of a building.
-Glenn Beck is black?
-Obviously he kills himself and the right blame it on the left hate-machine
-My guess is a combination of gorilla tranquilizers, Japanese manga porn, necrophilia and beastiality
-oh, and possibly cannibalism