Barack Obama Is Not Afraid of You and He Will Kick Your Ass:
Disagree how you will with Barack Obama on some pretty serious issues (are we really debating whether or not to release a Gitmo detainee held because we mistook the video of him being tortured by al-Qaeda for him being trained as a suicide bomber?). Wonder who the fuck he's pleasing when it comes to some other issues (dude made some pretty explicit damn promises on the campaign trail when it came to Don't Ask, Don't Tell, among other shit). Accuse him of whatever you like, yell at him about whatever you like, call him a dirty smoker. But the man is trying to be a goddamned alchemist in transforming a vat of shit into a gold bathtub.

We're impatient, yes, yes, we are. The deluded who thought they were getting beautiful Barack to ride in on a giant stallion and slay the big, bad Bush machine are impatient. The realists who knew they were getting a really damn smart, slightly left of center guy in Obama and not an avenging liberal, they're impatient, too.

What the Obama administration has to do is the governing equivalent of having a threesome with hot-looking conjoined female twins attached at the vagina. Before you can even get to the fucking, you gotta separate them, make sure they have functioning pussies, and wait for them to heal. In other words, you gotta get back to "normal" before you can get to "awesome."

Or, in even otherer words, it's gonna take a fuck of a lot of work to get us back to zero, to the way things were before George W. Bush came in and pissed on our beds, raped our dogs, tied us up, set the house on fire, and left without calling 911. And then, once it's back to zero, we can talk about how it gets better. Doesn't make any of us less impatient and it doesn't excuse some of the shit Obama's doing (like continuing to argue the Bush administration side on cases left over from it), but we gotta recognize that the circumstances are: "We're fucked - can we be un-fucked?"

So at his news conference today, we got the Obama we elected, the cool, can't-be-fucked-with man who has answers up his sleeve that will make you wonder how the fuck he did that. To listen to his takedown of whiny ass insurance companies is to think that the man really does want to trick Americans into universal health care. And his exchange with Major Garrett of Fox "news" was a model for anyone going on that network: reject the premise and tell them how and where they can go fuck themselves.

Immediately after, on the CNNMSNBCFox, they were talking about how the man should have shown more anger when condemning the violence in Iran. But that misses the point entirely. By not getting all unhinged and finger wagging and stumblefucking into saying stupid shit like "With us or against us," Obama maintains strength.

We're five months away from the worst presidency in our history, heading in the opposite direction, thank Christ, Allah, whoever, or no one. But objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, motherfuckers. This ain't apologia and it ain't deluded belief. Just like we can yell that Democrats who oppose Obama's policies are forgetting that people who voted for the man knew what they were getting, so can we say to the jittery on the left that, despite the fact that getting fucked over is a very real possibility, we need to remember that we who voted for him also did so on the basis of trusting his judgment.

Time and again today, Obama kept telling us to be patient - that the health care debate was ongoing, that "we don't know yet how this thing is going to play out" in Iran, that we need to see how the first stimulus works out before talking about another one. Or, to put it simply, chill the fuck out.