Republicans to Petraeus: How May We Fellate You?:
Oh, yes, what wondrous fellatio is taking place on Capitol Hill right now where sainted General Petraeus is before the Senate Armed Services Committee for his hearing on "How I Haz Not Fucked Up Iraq." Yes, there's a chance Democrats may act like an opposition party and eviscerate the Bush administration, and the Rude Pundit'll deal with that tomorrow.

Instead, let's talk about the inevitable, that Petraeus will stand before the Republicans on the committee, unzip his fly, present his cock, and say, "Who's a-gonna suck it first?"

Senator John Cornyn of Texas jumped on that man-meat early, shovin' that shaft deep into his throat with his Petraeus Petition, which says, more or less, "Holy motherfuck, you are so fuckin' awesome, General, that my panties are wet and I'd spooge on my Granny's titties if you told me to." Proud Lone Star state residents can sign it and send in pictures of themselves bent over, getting fucked in the ass by friends and loved ones wearing General Petraeus masks. It's patriotic fun.

Or Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, a knob-gobbler of unappeasable appetites, has already gotten his lips all balmed up for Petraeus, saying in a press release about today's hearings, "This time Gen. Petraeus returns to Washington having led one of the most remarkably successful military operations in American history." Fuckin' Christ, if only Petraeus had two dicks for Graham to bob on.

By the way, that line comes from a Wall Street Journal editorial co-written by Joe Lieberman, which features the shut-down-discussion proposition of "No one can deny the dramatic improvements in security in Iraq achieved by Gen. Petraeus, the brave troops under his command, and the Iraqi Security Forces."

But then again, no one can suck Dutch cock like Joe Lieberman. Man, to him, it's like kebabs from paradise. You can bet that even the General himself will be surprised at the enthusiasm Lieberman displays when voraciously devouring that military wood, almost choking himself from trying to suck every last drop of semen out of it. And when Lieberman begs to lick Petraeus's balls clean, up at the Republican table, Jeff Sessions and Libby Dole and James Inhofe will be rubbing themselves raw, trying to come at the same time as the good General.

It's democracy, motherfuckers, the American way, to honor our generals with a ball-washing from warmongers. Let's hope the Democrats do a little crotch kicking instead of just rolling their eyes and shaking their heads while the Republicans get off.

Note: An earlier version of this post said that Lindsey Graham is from Georgia. He is from South Carolina, and that was just a stupid mistake.

However, it also said that Joe Lieberman enjoyed sucking "Greek cock." David Petraeus is Dutch, not Greek. But Lieberman? Still a cocksucker.
(Poin of the day award to rude reader RH.)