Photos That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Down LSD-Infused Eucharists with the Blood of Christ:

What d'ya wanna go with here? An Onion-esque headline of "Berobed Celibate Who Talks to Voices from the Sky Treated Like a Hero by the President"? "Rich Guy Gets 10,000 People to Sing 'Happy Birthday' to Another Rich Guy by Promising Them Eternal Salvation"?

Or maybe it's best just to focus in on the reality of the moment, when the President, speaking to the Pope (and the gathered South Lawn party monsters), acted like the happiest fuckin' tour guide you never wanted to meet: "You've chosen to visit America on your birthday. Well, birthdays are traditionally spent with close friends, so our entire nation is moved and honored that you've decided to share this special day with us...Here in America you'll find a nation of prayer...Here in America you'll find a nation of compassion...Here in America you'll find a nation that welcomes the role of faith in the public square...Here in America, you'll find a nation that is fully modern, yet guided by ancient and eternal truths..."

Man, it'd been awesome if the Pope had said, in that "Fuck, Josef Mengele is about to inject my eyeball" voice of his, "Shit, that really contradicts my image of a nation of bloated, reality show-watching materialists who don't give a rat fuck that their government tortures and murders, who would rather suck a horse's dick than actually help the poor, and who toast their TVs whenever they hear about the latest execution, but, hey, sure, George, we'll go with your description for the next coupla days."

But he didn't. And everyone had cake and then went about their business.