In Brief: Not Watching the Candidates:
The Rude Pundit will not be watching tonight's debate between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. He will probably end up reading the transcript later, but there's no amount of vodka, shrooms, or klonopin that'd get him through watching these two put on their dog and pony show one more fuckin' time.

The Rude Pundit would rather lick broken glass than have to stare into the frightening plastered smile of Hillary Clinton as she tries so goddamn hard to be likable even as she continues to take seeming pleasure in her fuckin' stiletto slices at Obama's face, trying to make that Golden Child seem so much less pretty.

And he'd rather felch a donkey than have to sit there and watch Barack Obama miss every opportunity to knock Clinton's candidacy out. Because, why? Because of some illusion of rhetorical kindness? Some chimera of comity? It's like a bear knocking the gun out of the hunter's hand and then not ripping his innards out. When that bear turns and walks away, that hunter's just gonna shoot the bear in the back. And, really, can you blame the hunter?

No, no, the Rude Pundit won't be watching. He won't see if they choose daggers or pillows. He won't have to cringe when Clinton says one of those oh-so-clever scripted joke lines. He won't have to roll his eyes when Obama half-heartedly panders, like an actor who can't commit to a part, over his God and guns comment.

But, more than likely, he'll be back tomorrow to talk about it.