If rapist, convicted felon, and President Donald Trump had waddled up to the front of the House chamber last night and told the gathered Republican senators and representatives that they needed to masturbate furiously during his speech, every single one of those men and women would have unzipped or plunged their hands into their pants and gone at themselves. He could have said, "You better be thinking about me and I better see you cum," and they would have thrust into themselves, jacking it and rubbing it as they chanted, "USA!" over and over, as if they were humping an American flag like Trump did so many times. It wouldn't matter what Trump said, what open lies he told, what taunts and threats he made, what fascistic fantasies he spun out, what racism he expressed again and again, how out of it and bored by the effort he was, how he couldn't stop himself from not shutting the fuck up already, it just didn't matter to the GOP. Trump told them that the only way to show how much they loved him was by jizzing and squirting and moaning. As they started to orgasm, as ejaculations dribbled limply or shot into the backs of heads, as the women screamed in real and fake pleasure to show their loyalty, Trump might smirk, loving how much he controlled them, how he can still make them rub one out for him. The only things keeping Trump alive at this point are the chance to harm more powerless people and the delusional sycophancy of everyone around him.
At the end of the night, insatiable coprophage Stephen Miller and diligent dumbass investigators on Twitter would have noted which few Republicans didn't end up cumming, and they would be attacked on social media as RINOs, as having insufficient loyalty, as pathetic tools of Democrats. And speaking of, it wouldn't have mattered how disgusted Democrats were at the self-fucking Republicans. Anything they had to say would be sneered at on Fox "news" and other right-wing Trump-fellating networks, with Lindsey Graham declaring that he never came as hard in his entire life or Karoline Leavitt saying that every American she heard from said that they were proud their member of Congress spanked it for their president, who works harder than any has ever worked and should be honored this way. It was a waste of time for any Democrats to be present. Don't go to the circle jerk if you're not jerking.
What would have been different, other than the poor maintenance crew needing to clean up? Not a goddamn thing.
Anyways, here's a couple of lines from the "speech" (if by "speech," you mean, "A poorly-constructed, tedious forced march through a phantasmagoric hellscape inside a decaying brain") that struck me as particularly fucked up.
1. For most of the thing, Trump didn't veer off into his usual crazed claims about the 2020 election being stolen. But one line referenced it and did it in an ominous way. He said, "So in my first year of the second term... Should be in my third term, but strange things happen..." That weirdness doesn't just imply that he still thinks he won in 2020. It's also him seeming to say that having a third term is possible. which, you know, fuck that.
2. Trump used the cherry-picked story of Sage Blair, a Virginia teen who was diagnosed with gender dysphoria, to attack trans kids in general. He explained that she was 14 "when school officials in Virginia sought to socially transition her to a new gender, treating her as a boy and hiding it from her parents." This is a minor point in a much bigger discussion, but Trump makes it sound like this took place in some crazy liberal area. It was in Appomattox County, which went for Trump by 50 points over Harris in 2024. In other words, Republicans were making these decisions.
3. The motherfucker loves his blood and murder tales. He graphically described the killings of two young women by undocumented migrants, one of the most blatant ways to stir up racial anger and violence, going into details that were entirely over-the-top. There was Lizbeth Medina, whose mother "found her lying dead in a bathtub, bleeding profusely after being stabbed 25 times." There was Irina Zarutska, whose killer "viciously slashed a knife through her neck and body." Trump went even further, with Irina's mother sitting there, describing, "No one will ever forget the expression of terror on Irina's face as she looked up at her attacker in the last seconds of her life." I mean, what the fucking fuck purpose does that serve? "Hey, Ms. Zarutska, I want you to think about the pain and panic and helplessness your daughter felt as she died." Sick flaccid cock of a president.
If I'm being honest, I just don't give a shit about this speech, and neither should you. The one thing that's actually in my head right now is the blatant coverup of Trump's sex crimes by the Department of Justice. Files related to a 2019 FBI interview with a victim who accused Trump of truly heinous shit are missing from the Jeffrey Epstein material. It's a felony to lie to the FBI, but the memos assessing the woman's account after repeated interviews are missing, too. I have a feeling that if they "totally and completely exonerated" Trump, we'd see them.
So, you know, fuck his speech. Appoint a special counsel to investigate him. We know he's a rapist. Now tell us if he's a child rapist. Because that's who the GOP is jacking it to.
