Haiku Review of 2025: House of Haiku

Last round here. Thanks for all the haiku from far and wide, from across seas and across borders. If yours didn't get picked, it was because I'm fickle and churlish and other fancy words, but there were too damn many good ones. I read 'em all, and even if they didn't make the big board, they were a delight to soak in.

From Barb E.:

The school day ending

ICE vans near the pick up lane

To kidnap some moms

From Kevin in North Minneapolis: 

Water Show

Little fishing boat,

See it heading out to sea.

Watch death fall on it.

From Chris in London (formerly in Hong Kong):

Yeah, It Got That Bad

Farewell to Hong Kong

Fubared by its own elite 

Pander to China

From Marcia in Massachusetts:

In every state

Citizens are rejecting

This regime of hate 

From Tom M.:

Not Yet

I wake up daily

Read the obituaries

Champagne is ready

From Jack T. in Redneckville, IL: 

The Vance Kiss of Death

Who could blame the pope

For dying after meeting

Our couch-fucking veep

And a final pair from me:

The Real Threat

Trans women don't want

To rape you in the bathroom.

However, Trump would.

Dead Dick

"But I hated Trump,"

Cheney says as demons fuck

His face with barbed cocks.

Adios, 2025. You can go fuck yourself sideways and upside down. Let's hope the next year brings the beginning of the end of all this fuckery (waves at the world in general).

Haiku Review of 2025: No Other Haiku

And still the haiku poured in, covering every topic under the Trump-eclipsed sun. Let's start today with a personal one from a long-time rudester. 

From Tom in Roanoke:

2025 was a tough year

Cancer is scary

Even when you can beat it

You can still have doubts

From Jo in Altadena, California:

Eaton Fire, January 7th

Altadena burned.

Hydrants dry; firefighters fled.

Nineteen died in flames.

From even more depressed than last year:

home depot arrests

secret police run rampant

disappearing act

From Dick "Just call me 'Dick'" Fritter from hell in the Midwest:

Shit Palace

America now

Shit Palace tacky White House

Shit rains on our heads

From Scohogo in Ohio's Fairyfieldlands:

Maga gonna Maga

Poor little racists

But thanks to Kirk, DEI

Is the new N-word

From Albatross:

Why Premiums Rise

GOP Healthcare

Was formerly "Die quickly"

Now they add "asshole."

From Doug in Sugar Pine:

Portland, sure, but also just down the road

Plastic frogs are more

Heritage Americans

Than Miller or Vance

And my contribution to the day:

Kilmar

They made him suffer

To hide their crimes and failure

And because they could

The Cabinet of Contempt

They have only one

Facial expression: The sneer

To show they hate us.

Okay, one more day of this and then we're done with this cockflea of a year. Send 'em on: rudepundit@yahoo.com. And don't forget the form: a line of 5 syllables, a line of 7 syllables, and a line of 5 syllables. Title it if you want. Let's keep it going until we dance on the ashes of 2025.

Haiku Review of 2025: Wake Up Haiku Man

Already, the email has been reamed out by the tide of haiku pouring in. Apparently, a year of oppression and rage and occasional joy has unleashed the poet in a bunch of you. Keep 'em coming. I can go for days on haiku alone. Here are some of my favorites so far:

From Rabbitearz in L.A.:

BUTT-UGLY

Mar-a-Lago face!

The Masque of the Red Death Squad

Has Styrofoam Cheeks.

From VJ in NJ:

Kennedy's Remains

A worm ate his brain.

Drugs fried his voice. Privilege 

his only vaccine.

From Sarah in Seattle:

Our Savior

Impeachments! Mueller!

Jack Smith!   He's still here.  Bring on

the damn Grim Reaper.

From Q from Hell, USA: 

The Files

Girls who want to speak

Have tales of horror and pain

Their truth is silenced.

From TMangrove in Wisconsin:

The top one percent

Are stealing your future, not

Ana and Jose.

And two with a similar sentiment:

From Bernie in Brooklyn:

Is he dead yet?

I hate waking up

Each and every a.m.

And that’s my first thought

From Leanne, waiting impatiently, in Chicago:

The biggest fucking block party ever

Not yet, Goddamnit

But we will all know the when 

And how we will dance

Let's finish with a couple more from yours truly:

An Immigrant Doctor Realizing He's Been Asked to Save Stephen Miller's Life

Would Hippocrates

Really be all that upset if 

"Oops" just this one time?

One Moment of Transcendance at Sinners

The blues connecting

To music across time was

Pure cinema bliss.

Slap me in the face with more haiku. You know what to do: Send 'em to rudepundit@yahoo.com. And if yours isn't in here, hang in there - I'm reading each and every one. But, like joints and whiskey, I can never have too much. 

Haiku Review of 2025: One Haiku After Another

What a motherfucker of a year this was. I mean, seriously, it's like this year took all the mothers, lined them up, and fucked them one after the other, tossing a fucked mother aside as it moved on to fuck the next one. Just nothing but day after day of brutality and hatred and ignorance and more hatred and violence and more hatred and egomania and more hatred and you get the idea. You were there. The only thing we've got is that we went through it all together. And, like we do every year in this rude joint, we memorialize the fuckery with the simple yet poignant and/or pointed poetic form of the haiku. 

And now you can submit yours. 

The deal is the same as it ever was. I'm a stickler for the form: three lines of 5 syllables, then 7, then 5 again. But the subject is wide open. Be serious, be stupid, be your incredible or fucked up you. Email them to rudepundit@yahoo.com. Whichever ones make me laugh or make me cry or get me all hot and throbbing or some combination of two or three of those will be published on the blog. I'm the only judge here, and I'm probably high right now, so no insult if you don't get in. 

Give it a title. And include some name and place, like "Teresa from Measlestown, AR" or  or "Suck My Immigrant Balls from NY" or "Markie in Austin" (adios, English Teacher, the funniest show no one watched). 

Lemme show you how it's done:

Except to Erika's Bank Account

Charlie Kirk poisoned

The hearts of young people and

His death meant nothing

You Can't Tell ICE from the Regular Criminals

One day, someone will

Kill a masked man trying to

Kidnap their mother.

Interview with a Worm

Lemme warn you all:

RFK's skull is empty

And I starved to death

Ode to Trump Voters

You fuckers did this.

You earned the pain you'll suffer

Before we save you.

And away we go. Flood my inbox with the effulgence of your creative minds.

The Rude Pundit's Annual Nativity-palooza, Now with Bonus "Artisan" Fun

Like movies about suicidal snowmen and tortured ghosts and pole-frozen tongues, some things are a tradition around the rude house. Beloved reruns are good for the soul. My favorites to trot out this week are the Invader Zim Christmas episode and Olive the Other Reindeer. Heck, I just saw Wish for Wings That Work is on YouTube, so I'm gonna put that into rotation. Even here, in Left Blogsylvania, we can indulge in revisiting old posts.

Before Threads, Instagram, Reddit, TikTok, Facebook, and many other places you can get your fix of weird shit, I posted this Christmas blast back in 2004, updated yearly with new bits of freakishness (some links might not work anymore, but they were or are all real and unironic):

Xmas - And, lo, a small teddy bear will lead them:
In the days before Christmas, the Rude Pundit roamed his neighborhood, looking at the displays in the charming stores and corner markets. There he saw the agony of so many dichotomous feelings about this holiday. One window had a kneeling, praying Santa next to a baby Jesus in the manger. Santa's hat was off. He was balding. Another display had the jolly old fat man landing his sleigh and reindeer on the roof of the manger. Surprisingly, neither Mary nor Joseph seemed rattled by the noise, although a camel was looking upward, as if asking, "What the fuck?" The Rude Pundit loved that camel.

Ah, sweet camel, what the fuck, indeed. Christ and commerce, Alleluia. The Savior has been born and he thanks you for your presents. Santa showing that he'll even honor the king of the Jews in the land of Islam. There's no telling what it means (and don't get all up in the Rude Pundit's face about St. Nicholas). Except this: we want to embrace both things, good deconstructionists that we are: Santa, who soothes our greed, and Jesus, who promises us peace. Either way, we want them both to tell us we're good people, nice people. And, of course, guilt-ridden Christians want to make sure that Santa toes the party line, you know.

For the holiday, here's a few of my favorite nativity sets, none of which are intended to be mocking of the event:

That right there is the Veggie Tales Nativity. In case you don't know, Veggie Tales are cute vegetables who love Christ and salad tossing. The newborn savior up there is a carrot. Get it? A baby carrot? What a delight.


Holy shit, that bear nativity is one of the creepiest fucking things I've ever seen. Staring straight ahead with their dead eyes, it looks like a satanic cult sacrifice to some horrible bear-demon. Although, the three wise bears have provided snacks for the blood rite: salmon, honey, and berries. All go well with cub entrails.

Every year, I think, "I wonder if there's an even weirder nativity set that I can find" and every year I come across something where I think, "Yeah, that's friggin' crazy shit, man." Here, it's the snow people nativity, with a snow angel, a snow Joseph, a snow Mary, and horrible, smiling snow kings. Did Snow Mary give birth to Snow Baby Jesus? Or did they all just make Snow Baby Jesus out of snow? And the temperature in Bethlehem this time of year is in the 60s. Is that why they seem to be festooned with turds, to try to hold their globular shape a little longer?

That goddamn nightmare fuel isn't a lab experiment gone horrible awry. It's a bunch of white mice with eyes so wide they look like someone laced some cheese with meth and let the little bastards go crazy. It's gonna be horrible when baby Jesus mouse gets crucified in trap.

This is not to mention the Chickentivity, the Moosetivity, the Barntivity, the Native American Nativity, and the various Beartivities, all available unironically for your Christmas consumption.

And then there's the baby nativity:

You might think, "Oh, that's adorable. What's so wrong with it?" To which I can only inform you that the implication of it is that a baby Mary shoved a baby Jesus out of her baby vagina.

Speaking of implications, think of what this dog one means:  

This means there is a dog Pilate who will sentence dog Jesus to dog crucifixion. It means that there is a dog Mary Magdalene who is a dog prostitute. This is not to mention the dog centurions who routinely torture and kill dogs, the dog slaves who serve their dog masters, and the Jewish dogs who get blamed for everything. But don't worry. Dog Jesus will rise from the dead in three days. Have some damn kibble waiting for him. 

And to all a good night.

Oh, wait. What's that you say? You think that last one was kind of a weak one to end on? Well, then, fuck you. Here's the Day of the Dead nativity:

Yeah, you might think they're singing Christmas carols, but they're all screaming in horror and pain. Essentially, that's Christmas in the time of MAGA and RFK, Jr.

Oh, wait. What's that? Those aren't that bad after all we've suffered? Then how about some bullshit oyster shell "art":

Look, I get the whole "now that I've retired, my world is making shit out of trash that I can sell on Etsy" ethos, but that looks like a family of viruses waiting to infect you, which, I guess, is how Christianity spread. 

All of those are preferable to this fucking thing here. This might be one of the first of these nativities to make me feel visceral anger. Check this shit out:

Look, I'm not gonna tell you how to celebrate your belief in the filthy barn birth of the rape baby of an invisible sky wizard. All I'm gonna say is that if I were the rape baby of an invisible sky wizard, I'd be pissed if people everywhere put this up to celebrate my birth from my mom who was raped by my invisible sky wizard dad after an asshole angel told my mom that she had no choice but to give birth to the invisible sky wizard's rape baby.

Glass blobs not your thing? Want something that's a bit more like someone was fucking around with some straw wrappers and decided to make it Christmasy? Check out the rolled paper nativity:

It's recycled paper to promote "faith and sustainability." They very much want you to know that it's goddamned recycled paper. No fresh paper for them. And you can tell me this is some kind of special art form that poor people do in whatever poor country you just heard about, but that doesn't change the fact that it sucks. It sucks as art, it sucks as a decoration, it sucks ass. Speaking of, where are the animals? No rolling paper camel? Or donkey? Just blonde, curly-haired Mary, a lump of garbage for Jesus, and armed kings, with a Joseph that looks like it would rather be burned in a dump.

Not enough like the nativity you might see on the mantle of the leader of a forest cult dedicated to cannibalism and blood drinking? How about this folk horror: 

It's like the last thing you see before the cellar door closes and you wait to find out if you're meant to be sacrificed to the corn god or impregnated by the cock of the spirit of the wheat in a fertility rite. Puritans would look at these Puritan-looking motherfuckers and decided, "Nope. There's no god. Let's just jump in the ocean."

Finally (for real), here's one I actually like. It's the Recycled Auto Parts Nativity: 

C'mon. It's got everything. Skeletal camels, edges that would slice open a loaf of bread and some fishes, and baby Jesus sleeping on a bed of chicken wire. That's awesome art by Armando Ramirez, and I'd proudly put that up in my home next to my Peanuts creche and dare some internet asshole to talk shit about it. 

Merry Christmas, baby. Let's just get out of this year alive. May George Bailey finally get to push Mr. Potter into the frozen river.

(Note: Previous editions of the nativity post have included the Zombitivity, Dogtivity, the Boyd's Bears Nativity, and the Rubber Duck...oh, fuck, you get the idea.)

A Rapist Yelled at America

Last night, all the broadcast TV networks, as well as the cable news ones, paused their programming to give a rapist free rein to say whatever he wanted for 20 minutes. That the rapist is the president of the United States doesn't change the fact that he's a rapist (the crime a judge said he really committed when he was found liable for sexual assault). That the networks felt cowed into showing a meaningless speech delivered by a rapist because of fears that the rapist would sue them or threaten their right to broadcast is significant. But that's the power courts and corporations have decided this particular rapist should have. 

The rapist, who is not just a rapist but a financial criminal who committed 34 felonies, bellowed and blustered as if he was trying to cover up for the fact that he's a rapist and a criminal and someone who was close friends with and likely helped a child sex trafficker. The rapist, who also stole money from his own charitable organizations, is not good with math. For instance, he lied about the number of undocumented migrants who entered the country during the administration of Joe Biden, who is not a rapist. The rapist said, "Our country was being invaded by an army of 25 million people" and that includes "11,888 murderers." Neither of those numbers are real, but let's say they are. That means that .04% of the migrants are murderers. That's fewer murderers than estimated in the general population (which I've seen at .05%). It means that migrants are less likely to be murderers than people already here. 

Add to that the rapist's other nonsensical mathematical statements about lowering prescription prices "by as much as 400, 500 and even 600 percent," which an average fourth grader can tell you is impossible, and that, under Biden, "the typical family lost $5,000 to $10,000 in higher energy costs," which would mean bills tripled, at least, and that didn't happen, and it becomes quite obvious: The rapist is a desperate moron. And he thinks he can blind you with numbers that are completely made up. But he is a rapist, and if everyone always remembers that he's a rapist, if the corporate media were to remind us always that he is a rapist, then maybe he couldn't get away with those lies because who is going to believe a rapist. (Don't answer that. Please don't answer that.)

But the other problem the rapist has is that he is not a good speaker. He's a loud one who can make stupid faces to punctuate a point. That works at rallies where large groups of rapist worshippers gather, all predisposed to giggle as the rapist jiggles in his little dance. Because he is not a good speaker in situations like this, because he yells into a microphone and distorts his voice, because he doesn't really have a facial expression beyond stupid and sneering, because he always sounds like he's berating a waiter for not bringing an extra basket of bread fast enough, he came across as a goddamn lunatic, like the cornered rapist that he is. He was dumb enough to interrupt the season finale of Survivor, and that means that a whole bunch of people who ordinarily don't watch his mad rantings got a taste of what he's really like, with his pathetic Powerpoint presentation and petty grievances. 

They got to hear a rapist say of Biden, "He was always blaming Congress and everyone else" while at the same time blaming Biden for everything that hasn't gone right for him. They got to hear a rapist, a rapist who is a Republican president with a Republican House and Republican Senate and a Republican majority on the Supreme Court, say about the failure to do anything to prevent health insurance premiums from skyrocketing for millions of Americans, "It is not the Republicans’ fault. It’s the Democrats’ fault." They got to hear a simpering rapist begging for love and credit for things that he has completely fabricated out of his rapist mind. It's always pathetic when that happens. It's like Jeb Bush saying, "Please clap" if Jeb Bush were a rapist. In other words, we might feel pity but we just feel disgust.

A rapist yelled at America last night. A rapist insisted that he was the greatest president in history. A rapist declared that he did more than any other president has in eight years, which, if measured by destruction and death, perhaps, perhaps. I want Americans to bear in mind every time he pleads for a Nobel Peace Prize, every time he glorifies himself by putting his cursed name on something, every time he opens that lying hole in his face, that it is a rapist saying that, that he behaves like a rapist, that he objectifies everything like a rapist, and that he thinks that he should get to fuck whatever he wants. And that, really, the one thing we don't know yet is just how horrific of a rapist he is.

These Murderous Motherfuckers and Our American Soul

Let's not be naive about this shit. To an extent, pretty much every president has been a murderer, often through war crimes committed by their military. What were all the presidents who committed the genocide of indigenous Americans if not murderers? More recently, George W. Bush's "war" in Iraq was a mass murder of civilians. Among other horrors, Barack Obama was responsible for a wedding massacre and the extrajudicial killing of an American with his drone war (and, yes, some of us commented on it quite loudly and quite often). Sure, every president offered some bullshit legal justification for their more heinous acts, but that doesn't really make them not murder. History is mostly a fucking nightmare, and we need to be clear-headed about our country's role in sometimes being the monster in the nightmare. 

But something is very different about the ongoing drone missile attacks on small boats that are allegedly transporting "drugs" for "the cartels" by the administration of Donald Trump, who, somehow is not only still alive but still president. While some presidents certainly celebrated murders done in their names (and some did not, with Obama even acknowledging mistakes with his endless drone attacks), Trump and his team of groveling lickspittles have been absolutely gleeful about missile killing the people on the offending boats in the Caribbean and the Pacific Ocean. And it's not just that they might be slaughtering people who are fishermen or who are, at best, low-level transportation providers for drug runners, it's that they don't fucking care. They don't care that they are offering no proof that drugs are on the boat. And they sure as fuck don't care that the alleged "crimes" don't get the criminals the death penalty if taken to trial. 

The utter depravity runs deep, as we've learned with the revelation that someone, either Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth (I am not fucking calling it the "Department of War") or Admiral Frank Bradley, ordered the military to fire again to kill two survivors of the first drone attack, two men climbing out of the ocean onto the remains of their destroyed boat, waving for help from any vehicle nearby, and instead getting bombed to pieces by the United States because "drugs." Hegseth, who always looks like he's waiting to get back to masturbating to his own dick pics, has posted a meme involving children's book and TV show turtle Franklin (who, it should be noted, is Canadian, so...go immigrants), all while shifting his story on the drone "double tap," which is when you shoot someone in the head to make sure they're dead. 

So far, the United States has murdered at least 90 people in these death-penalty-without-arrest-charge-or-trial cases. Every time we hear about what really is happening, we learn that we're being lied to. Yes, more than a few of the dead were fishermen. Boats were heading away from the U.S. This is not to mention the reality that Venezuela doesn't fucking produce fentanyl. Whenever a boat is blown up and its crew is murdered, Trump or his Siren of Doom Karoline "No, Really, I'm 28 and My Husband is 60" Leavitt tell anyone questioning it to go fuck themselves with the wreckage because it was carrying enough "drugs" to kill tens or hundreds of thousands of Americans. But that's fentanyl. And illegal fentanyl almost exclusively comes from Mexico (and a little from China). The administration's response to requesting evidence that the people they are murdering are not just drug smugglers, but smugglers coming to our country has been, more or less, "Fuck you. That's our evidence." And then they mock the idea that we should take them into custody and do all those things that make us a putatively civilized country. Silly little believers in the rule of law that we are.

With a couple of exceptions, like confusing, weird elf Rand Paul, Republican support for the murders and for the idea that we are at "war" with "narcoterrorists" is high. Sen. Tom Cotton, who is an Adam's apple with a head on top, said of the murders, "I’m not just comfortable with it, I want to continue it." Republicans offer two things in defense of the murders that are just fucking galling. They are claiming, as Cotton did, that these are boats that are "crewed by associates and members of foreign terrorist organizations that are trying to kill American kids." That's based on Trump declaring cartels as terrorist groups, which is some bullshit since the goals of terrorists are to, you know, terrorize a population to achieve a political goal, not to sell things to make money. But it also implies that they want to kill Americans. Drug dealers don't want to kill their customers. That makes no fucking sense. It's like saying that Waymo taxis are just murder machines. They're not trying to kill anyone because they want people to take the driverless cars. Of course, if you're using it, you might die, but, really, that's on you. (I don't fuckin' know if I'm talking about Waymos or drugs anymore. Probably both.) 

And the other galling thing is that what Republicans cite again and again is Obama's use of drones in attack in the Middle East. House Intelligence Chair Rick Crawford of Arkansas, who calls drug running "chemical warfare" (which is levels of hysteria that George H.W. Bush could never hope to reach), said about watching the video of one of the murders off Venezuela: "Those who appear ‘troubled’ by videos of military strikes on designated terrorists have clearly never seen the Obama-ordered strikes." And Speaker Mike Johnson, who always looks like he's trying to remember where he left the key to the door to his sex torture room before the man chained there starves to death, said, "One of the things I was reminded of this morning is that under Barack Obama, President Obama, he had — I think there were 550 drone strikes on people who were targeted as enemies of the country, and nobody ever questioned it." Except everyone questioned it, including Democrats in Congress, and there were hearings and more. And Trump amped up the drones, launching many more than Obama. 

The cynical side of me wants to return to that first paragraph and say that this is very much who we are as a country precisely because of Obama's drone war. But this feels different because the fig leaf of "war" is nonexistent. Trump and the rest can claim we're at war, but Obama was at least operating under the Authorization for the Use of Military Force that started the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, bullshit though they may have been.

But the embrace of the savagery here is what's disturbing. The insistence that, for instance, the two men left alive after the first drone attack needed to be killed despite it being a violation of every rule for war or every law anywhere. In his nauseating interview on Meet the Press, Cotton also said, "At one point, the guy takes off his T-shirt, maybe he’s trying to get a sun tan. It doesn’t really matter what they were trying to do. What matters is that they were not in a shipwreck state, distressed, dog-paddling in the water." Who the fuck says that about people in the middle of the goddamn ocean? 

And that's what I mean about our American soul, which was hurting already. It's like the notion of having humanity or compassion is seen as something for pussies and suckers. In one of their Cletus safaris, the New York Times interviewed Trump voters about the drone murders, and four out of six were totally fine with it, not needing evidence, trusting every lie that shits out of Trump's anus mouth. One dickhead said, "I’m not losing any sleep over the two people clinging to the boat."

As we murder our way to being the world's pariah, as we torture people being held in detention facilities and concentration camps, as we turn our backs on our allies, as we enable more genocides while Trump laughably claims he's a man of peace, we are withering that soul away until we are nothing but our crimes. What we need is a concerted, unified message from Democrats that these are horrific crimes and that they will prosecute people for these murders when they have the power, that they will pursue anyone, up to and including generals, cabinet officials, and Trump, for committing murder, that we can do something to save ourselves. 

A Poem for Thanksgiving from Indigenous America

"For Girls Who Run Through Storms like Buffalos, Knowing It’s the Quickest Way Through"

By Tanaya Winder

We were never ones to avoid pain 

even if we found him in another person.

And when we do (find him again)—

let him have not been born in the rain 

and grown up to become a storm. 

His kisses lightning that scorches the earth. 

As young girls, our grandmothers warned us 

When there is lightning, cover all the mirrors. 

But, one night thunder snapped; 

its rumble shattering the vanity.

We’ve chased cloudbursts ever since. 

Committed ourselves to flood and flight.

For girls like us who pray to the Sky Beings—  

Protect us whenever we go 

                                          where we were never meant to be. 

Put tobacco down 

for the ones

with Creator-shaped holes in our hearts. 

We spend lifetimes trying to fill,

to feel. What is the medicine for this?

Our mothers tell us (as they taught) 

Send them love. Send them love. Send [say it] love—

So, praise our fathers who left in the night,

mapping us into unlovable.

They made us tough as nails. Now we know 

how to hold ourselves together.

Praise the ones who listened 

when girls like us asked them to leave.

Praise the lovers who never returned.

You helped us no longer be afraid of ghosts.

For girls like us, 

the wound never fully heals.

The gentle rhythm of its pulse, a reminder to

praise our mothers for teaching us words are seeds.

We plant, bloom ourselves anew.

Praise the lightning. Praise the storms

we run through

because girls like us know—

this is where 

our medicine comes from.

How to Grapple with Having a Child Rapist as President

Funny thing: I hated Dick Cheney, like hated him with a visceral, almost incomprehensible level of hate. And I'll accuse him of all kinds of horrific things, but you know what I'd never say about him? That he himself is a rapist. I'm not saying he didn't cover for those who rape and torture. I'm not saying he isn't sexual assault-adjacent because we saw what happened in Abu Ghraib and elsewhere. I'm simply saying that, despite my loathing of the man, I simply have no basis to say he's a rapist or that he committed any kind of sex crimes. No one was ever reported to have accused him of that. And there are plenty of people I fucking despise who I could say that about. Indeed, if false rape allegations were genuinely, widely used to attack shitty people, you'd think that a whole lot more shitty people would be falsely accused of rape.

I bring this up not to backhandedly compliment Cheney ("nice job not raping, dick"), but to point out how absolutely fucking perverse it is that anyone would defend Donald Trump by saying that any accusations against him regarding rape and assault are fake (or "fake news," as the dunderheaded like to moan, like they've made some awesome point). First off, Trump is one of the most litigious little bitches ever, and he'd sue anyone who falsely accused him. And then there's the fact that a goddamned jury found him liable for sexual assault of E. Jean Carroll. And then there are sworn depositions stating that he raped or assaulted multiple girls connected with pedophile and sex trafficker and Trump bestie Jeffrey Epstein, let alone all the free-floating allegations and stories of his lechery and violence. And that's all before you get to the tranche of 20,000 documents where Epstein and others talk about what a fucking scumbag Trump is. That doc dump is merely an amuse bouche. Think what that means is in the entree, the actual Epstein files, the documents from the investigation into Epstein that led to his arrest and "suicide," as well as the conviction of his co-pimp, Ghislaine Maxwell, now serving time relaxing on a pillow while being fed grapes by guards in exchange.

As our torrential news cycle moves on to the next thing (the clusterfuck of stupidity over Russia's peace plan for Ukraine or Marjorie Taylor Greene punking out on Congress or the upcoming war with Venezuela for "reasons" or whatever disaster/conflagrations/fresh fuckery occurs while I'm writing this), we're still waiting for the next shoe drop, or, really, the next truckload of shoes to drop now that some version of the Epstein files are going to be released. Whether or not Trump has had his name redacted out of them or if those documents are held back for "national security" or because Trump ordered the Department of Justice to "investigate" Democrats associated with the scandal, one thing is certain: we will likely have to grapple with the idea that the president of the United States is, at best, someone who looked the other way while a close friend and associate ran a sex trafficking ring. Or, as seems likely, is himself a child rapist (and, yes, 15 year-old girls are children - let's not even entertain that weird discussion). The worst case scenario is that Trump himself was involved in trafficking, something that is, sadly, awfully, not outside the realm of possibility.

So what the fuck do we do with that? It's not meant to be a glib question. Think about the implications for, well, everything. We can assume that Republicans in Congress will live in denial or be ordered to do so or be intimidated into doing so, and thus removal from office isn't a possibility. So that means everyone from world leaders to everyday citizens will have to deal with a child rapist. How much shit can we stomach? And what does that say about us if we as a country don't have the will or the energy or, goddamn us, the interest in demanding that we not have a child rapist as president? We've sunk pretty fucking low pretty fucking fast in these last 10 months (sorry, that's how long he's been back in office, even though it feels like forever). Trump and his Republican lackeys have caused massive suffering and massive amounts of deaths. How fucking strong is the camel's back? How much can Trump corrupt everyone around him?

I wish I had the answer. Or maybe I do and I fucking hate it. We've already seen some pretty goddamn intense compartmentalization and denial in the fact that so many people seem to have no issue making nice with a court-adjudicated rapist of an adult, let alone a convicted felon (no, really, that all happened). Every single time someone is smiling next to him for a photo, they are giving the thumbs-up to Trump's crimes. So maybe that's who we are. Maybe we are so used to how shitty we've become that nothing penetrates our protective shell made of historical callouses.  

Or maybe, just maybe, the attention given to the Epstein files as some kind of Rosetta Stone of the corruption of the elites will have shifted the brain chemistry of enough people, especially those in some kind of position of power, that something will give, that maybe, finally, something is appalling enough.

But I'm not gonna hold my breath.

Random Observations on Senate Democrats Shitting the Shutdown Bed

1. Here's the thing that bugs the living shit out of me about 8 Democratic senators negotiating a budget deal with Republicans to end the government shutdown that has gone on for over 40 days: we, the base, had the backs of Democrats and even that wasn't enough to stiffen their spines for the long haul. It makes our party look like cowardly assholes, and it's a betrayal of an energy and movement that has been growing, from the massive No Kings protests to the overwhelming vote for Democratic candidates and causes all around the country (not just in the Northeast). Motherfuckers, we were ready to go, with money, with recruitment to races that weren't even in play, with enthusiasm and excitement and a base that was being repopulated with Gen Z voters. There's plenty of time before the midterms to get that momentum going again, but this is one hell of a mess to get through.

2. From the outset, Democrats should have asked for so much more than an extension on ACA health care subsidies and restoring funding to Medicaid and Medicare that the Big Barfy Bill cut. But they decided to narrow it down to those items, and we went along with it. And then Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, who should be falling on his sword and resigning, negotiated that down to a one-year extension of the subsidies. And then the Hateable Eight negotiated that down to "we'll go fuck ourselves with our Obamacare subsidy request if you don't hit us too hard." Sure, they got a guarantee that federal workers fired during the shutdown would be rehired and a pinky-swear on a vote on the subsidies after the government reopens. But that's pretty fucking close to nothing. It's like getting promised an orgy and you show up lubed and tumescent, only to be told that not only is there no one else there, but you can only masturbate to an old, crispy Sears catalog. 

3. I know you've heard lots of scenarios about why this happened, from bougie frustration at being inconvenienced at the airport to genuine concern for the hungry to general cowardice to getting lobbied by airlines. Lemme take it in a different direction. 

If I were a Democratic senator forced at gunpoint to spin this in a way that doesn't make us look like total feckless bitches, I'd say the following: "The American people need to understand that the president of the United States is a fucking psychopath surrounded by fucking psychopaths with a Supreme Court majority of fucking psychopaths and fucking psychopaths running the Legislative Branch. The only difference between the House and Senate is that the House psychos are more open about how deranged they are and the Senate psychos are better spoken. Except for Tuberville. He's just a piece of shit psycho. 

"I don't use the word 'psychopath' lightly. But they all take pleasure in causing other people to suffer and in killing without remorse. The president has innocent people murdered when he bombs boats. He allows ICE to pepper spray children and babies so that an immigrant parent with a traffic violation can be treated like a terrorist, tearing families apart. And he has no problem letting Americans starve to death or become desperate for food as a negotiating strategy. He doesn't care at all if you and your children can't eat. In fact, he has gone to court to make sure you can't eat. That's the behavior of a fucking psychopath. And Republicans in the Senate are not just enabling the psychopath president. They are cheering him on, saying they like his serial murders and assaults on children. And they have wanted to make sure that millions of Americans don't get health care since this whole thing began. Fucking psychos. 

"I know some people like to use the idea that you can't negotiate with terrorists to justify standing firm. But the thing is that you can. Terrorists want something. They have goals and are willing to bargain. Terrorists have more self-respect than Republicans. And even most terrorists wouldn't do something that kills thousands, if not tens of thousands of their own supporters. But Republicans have no problem causing their voters pain along with everyone else. There is no one rational on their side.

"So how the fuck do you negotiate with elected officials who are willing to massacre the very people who put them in power? The psychopaths were going to happily put Americans through hell on food insecurity just so they could continue to put Americans through hell on health insurance because that's what psychopaths do. And the bonus bullshit is that we could do all the work of getting what we want and then the psycho president just vetoes it and we're all fucked again. Or it could have been all approved and voted into law and then Trump might just ignore the law and freeze the spending because of 'security' or an 'emergency' that is completely fictional and the cockmites at the Supreme Court will just let him. It all fucking sucks and we fucking suck for giving in. But at least we got a completely unenforceable promise of a vote on ACA subsidies and we saved SNAP and a few jobs. Now I'm gonna go home and cry.

"But before I do, lemme talk to you shitheels in red states. You need to give your representatives and senators as much shit as possible for doing this to the country. Or just admit you're the gimps of the GOP."

4. Of course, what Democrats should have done is give much the same speech and say, "And that's why we have to fight. No deal." We'd have gone to the fucking barricades for that kind of ballsiness.

Zohran Mamdani Will Win Because He's Showing How Hope and Joy Works Against Hate and Division

Have you really taken a few minutes to look at the campaign of Zohran Mamdani, the Democratic nominee for mayor of New York City? Because lemme tell you: as despairing as I've been about the vast networks of fuckery arrayed against sane people, Mamdani is providing a double-barrel face-blast of absolute hope and joy, and of course people are eating it up. What's the choice here for mayor? Another sexual predator running on racism and fear while kissing Trump's ass and sucking billionaire dick or the dude who just held a soccer tournament for his supporters?

No, seriously, two weeks ago, in a park in Coney Island (which, if you don't live up here, is a neighborhood and not just an amusement park), Mamdani's campaign co-hosted, with a local football organization, the Cost of Living Classic, a free day-long soccer competition for teams from each of the five boroughs. A clever, lively ad had Mamdani inviting players, and a good-sized crowd showed up to watch, especially when Mamdani spoke before the final game. It was a brilliant move, and one that connected Mamdani with a multiracial sports community that has become huge in NYC. 

That's been how Mamdani has campaigned. It's been about how we all have far more in common than the shit that the GOP uses to divide us, and he's reached out to many different racial and ethnic groups. The difference with Mamdani is that, unlike virtually every politician (especially white ones), he looks completely at home fucking everywhere. I mean, look at his most recent ad, where he speaks Arabic and hangs out in small grocery stores and restaurants. Look at the ad where he speaks to the Latino community in Spanish and laughs at himself as he gets some pronunciations wrong. Look at him speaking to the Black parishioners at First Baptist Church of Crown Heights, connecting with everyone and talking in ways that join all working class people in common cause. That's some talent right there.

When he was attacked for criticizing Israel, Mamdani, who is Muslim, didn't change his position or try to come up with squishy ways to describe his beliefs. Fuck no. He explained why he believes what he believes and he went directly to Jewish groups to make his case. And now he's been endorsed by Jewish leaders, including orthodox and Hasidic rabbis. Not once has Mamdani hidden who he is, with a speech that talked about racist, Islamophobic insults against him and about how Muslims were treated after 9/11 and another video showing him breaking fast on Eid. 

Every move Mamdani has made has been with an open heart and open arms. When he goes after Cuomo (or, before he dropped out, Eric Adams), it's with an irrepressible, fuck-this-guy attitude. His man-on-the-street videos are object lessons in how a candidate can connect with the anyone. He unabashedly  proclaims his love and support for the trans community and has promised to back up that support with policies. He talks about "Trump-proofing" New York City against ICE and against the White House's attack on worker rights. And his focus on the cost of living in NYC is something that is music to every average person's ears, including free buses. (Seriously, read his policy papers. They are some thorough, well-conceived liberal positions, the kind of stuff that makes "moderate" Dems shit themselves at their think tanks.)

One thing that demonstrates how effective Mamdani's approach has been is not just the savagery with which the right has attacked him, trying to turn him into a radical communist who is going to burn down Manhattan.  It's that the hysterical right just looks dumb tearing into Mamdani for things like, no shit, not knowing Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind." Trump has threatened to cut federal funding to the city if Mamdani is elected. Do you know how cool all this makes him look to young voters? Yes, you old fucks, keep shitting on joy.

Above all else, Mamdani looks like he's having fun, and that's gotta be pissing off everyone from worthless corporate Democrats who refuse to endorse him to Fox "news" hosts to self-fellating podcasters. A big hip-hop lover, he's kicking it with the Wu-Tang Clan. He's DJing at gay dance clubs. He held a fuckin' scavenger hunt for supporters. The campaign expected 500 participants. They got thousands of people showing up. It's just a blast to watch this all unfold.

When he wins on Tuesday, Democrats everywhere should be studying Mamdani's refusal to play by the Democratic consultant rulebook. They should understand that this is the motherfucking future. People want a politician who is a whole human being, not a talking points machine, not someone constantly warning us about how shitty things can be, not someone moderating their beliefs to appeal to shitty people. In a time of misery, joy is a weapon and self-assurance is a shield. Use them widely and without apology.

America Is Living in the Trumpian Darkness Now

In the next week or so, multiple food banks in New Jersey will be having a huge grocery distribution event for furloughed and unpaid federal workers in the parking lot at MetLife Stadium, the place where the Giants lose. That's everywhere in America now. The food banks are bracing for the massive surge in need when Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program benefits run out at the end of the month because of the government shutdown. When SNAP is gone, millions of families will face what one NJ food bank official called "No Meal November." People will starve, including kids. That's America now. Add to that the cost of health insurance as much as doubling for those in the Affordable Care Act Marketplace due to the end of tax credits that reduced premiums, and we will have many more sick and starving families very, very soon. That's America now. 

Meanwhile, in Chicago, untrained Immigration and Customs Enforcement goon squads are using tear gas to terrorize neighborhoods, including one that was about to have a children's Halloween parade this weekend. The goons are violently swarming homes and businesses and streets, all to arrest people for the misdemeanor of being in the United States without proper documentation. Chicagoans have organized so that they try to block ICE or blow whistles to warn others that they might be rounded up and torn from their families. Kids in schools are afraid their parents will be gone; parents are afraid their teenagers will be disappeared. That's America now, and it's happening everywhere, sometimes with the help of National Guard troops, and it was has the blessing and frothing encouragement of the president and the majority of Congress.

Meanwhile, the U.S. military is building up its forces in the Caribbean and off Venezuela, with an aircraft carrier carrying advanced bomber jets, ships carrying forces for land invasions, and many, many more ships, vehicles, and troops, readying for a ground and air attack on Venezuela and likely Colombia. It is, frankly, madness, and it's the prelude for what seems like an expansive view of US hegemonic power in the region, wielded violently and harshly. Apparently, Trump is going to meet with congressional leaders to tell them about his war plans when he returns from Asia, and the GOP members are fine with putting troops in harm's way because of delusions about drug cartels, regime change, and, let's face it, oil. That's America now. All this is occurring as the US continues to drone missile boats in the same seas, murdering people without charge or trial, under completely unproven suspicion of carrying drugs for cartels, as if Trump was tired of "the drug war" not being a shooting war. That's America now.

Meanwhile, the Republican-run Congress has ceded all of its constitutional authority to Trump, allowing him to do whatever he wants with funding that Congress passed, depriving states of infrastructure spending, depriving schools and institutes of research funding, depriving so many others of money they were budgeted and expecting. Trump today called himself "the speaker and the president," meaning that Speaker of the House Mike Johnson is, at best, a marginalized figure, and, at worst, Trump's enthusiastic semen depository. The shutdown is happening because Republicans refuse to restore funding for Medicaid and Medicare that was cut in their savage recent bill and refuse to continue those ACA tax credits, and Democrats in the Senate won't allow a vote on those principles. But it doesn't matter, really, what funding is passed because Trump can simply cancel or redistribute funding under the broad banner of "national security" and his enthusiastic semen depository won't even squeak about it. That's authoritarianism in its purest form, when all power rests in a single dictatorial figure, and that's America now.

Meanwhile, we are waiting for myriad cases making their way through the judicial system on everything from deportations to tariffs to the extortion of universities and law firms to reach the corrupted Supreme Court. Almost certainly, the radical right-wing majority will go back to its obscenity of a decision in Trump v. United States and restate that the only actual check on a president is for the Legislative branch to impeach and remove the president and that otherwise Trump can wage lawless warfare on the American people and the world as much as he wants. And, well, the aforementioned semen depository won't budge on impeachment. That's America now.

On and on this could go, with the attacks on medical science and food safety and education and so much else, the gutting of everything that made America America, the reduction of this country to a shadow of itself in less than a year, a diminution that will continue as we face, quite literally, starvation, war, and disease. We are in dark, dark times. That needs to be acknowledged. We are in a great deal of trouble, and waiting and hoping that somehow the 2026 midterms will bring us back to the light is putting a great deal of faith in a system that hasn't been able to prevent any of this from happening so far. 

I know you're waiting for the happy part, the part where I tell you that we need to just keep marching like we did last weekend (which was absolutely a good thing), but that's not going to be enough. I don't know what the next steps are. The wealthy and powerful people who could speak up are afraid of Trump turning his government against them, afraid of his MAGA idiot hordes coming for them. Yes, there are some Democrats putting up a fight, and it's great when Democrats have decent messaging, which they often don't. But it just seems like flea farts in a hurricane. If I were to offer any idea, it would be a general strike, but I'm sure they're hoping for that so they can call it an "insurrection" and unleash the military on us. Mostly, I'm writing this to have a marker of where we are right now, to say, "This is how dark it is now. You want it darker?" (Yeah, I know, it's a Leonard Cohen line.)

Yeah, I know I haven't mentioned the destruction of the East Wing of the White House, although it's perhaps more important historically that the East Colonnade, which dates back to Thomas Jefferson, was razed. That's because, at this point, the symbolism is so thuddingly obvious that it's embarrassing. We are a shameful nation, but we are led by the brazenly shameless, and they don't care what they wreck as they turn this America into their golden ballroom where there are only those dancing and those serving the dancers as the world outside the gilded walls burns from fires they started. That's America soon.

Random Observations on a Day of Joyful Protest in a Terrible Time

1. I had to be on Staten Island on Saturday, the Trumpy borough of New York City, where a bunch of immigrants and their descendants from Ireland, Italy, Russia, Albania, and elsewhere pretend that they are more American than the newer immigrants from the Dominican Republic, Syria, Liberia, Sri Lanka, and elsewhere, but I didn't want to miss out on the No Kings protest. So I headed over to the gathering outside the office of Representative Nicole Malliotakis, a Republican, in a nondescript building on a main drag. 

About 600 people were on the sidewalk, blocking a couple of parking lots, across the street from the office. With no speakers and no real organization beyond "let's meet here," it was an organic effort, with the expected well-made signs and the expected but no less delightful people in inflatable animal costumes. Goddamn, I love the inflatable costumes. It's such a gleeful, absurd fuck-you to the raging dickscabs screeching about "hate rallies" and how the left is filled with, as Trump spokesass Karoline Leavitt snarled, "Hamas terrorists, illegal aliens, and violent criminals." Lady, we're wearing frog and unicorn outfits and dancing. Calm the fuck down. Joy and liberation are the antidotes to hate and repression.

2. I've heard and seen some complaints on the social medias along the lines of "We gathered, we made signs, we chanted. So?" Lemme see if I can explain it: Sometimes you just want to hang out with 7 million like-minded people and not feel so fucking lost and alone. Yeah, I get it. The day didn't end in a revolution. It wasn't going to. Sometimes you go to your regular bar just to have a drink with people who are like you. And sometimes you end up hooking up with some hot dude and fucking the night away. But the fact that you don't do some fucking every time you go to the bar doesn't mean you can't just like being there, drinking, talking shit, meeting old friends and new people, simply allowing yourself to say, "Okay, okay, here, right here, I feel safe and like myself and all that fucking shit going on out there, all the people who are actively trying to fuck my life up, all the assholes who make it their job to ruin everyone's day, none of it matters for the little while I'm here."

Lemme put it another way: You know how empowering it is to see that hundreds of people in Staten fuckin' Island were ready to stand outside, with the NYPD across the street, and yell at the office of a shitty member of Congress? You know how important it is in places that are even filthier with Trump-humpers, like Cookeville, Tennessee, or Gulfport, Mississippi, or Idaho Falls, Idaho (where 1200 people gathered), that anti-MAGA protesters showed up and marched or chanted? Every single time these events happen, the movement strengthens. So, yeah, it's necessary. And if you're gonna say that this was all just preaching to the choir, well, as I've said before, the choir deserves to get preached to. That's why they go to church. To be inspired and to stay inspired. 

3. The weirdest fucking response to the incredibly peaceful protests, other than the assertion that these were going to be terrorist events or whatever threatening thing the hyperbolic right huffed and puffed about, is the insistence that Trump is not a king, so it's stupid to have a "No Kings" rally. Trump himself slurred that to his favorite media garbage dumpster, Maria Bartiromo. Meghan McCain embarrassed herself in typically moronic fashion, tweeting, "I don't understand how Trump is a King when he won every single swing state, the electoral college and popular vote in a democratic election." Are they really all such dullards? They're the most literal-minded motherfuckers. Boy, yeah, you got us. Trump is not officially a "king." Now shut the fuck up and listen to all the fucking ways that he's acting like one. 

Note: Although, if he were king, it'd be hilarious to see how his terrible children try to kill each other to see who gets to be next in line.

4. Trump's response to No Kings was perhaps the closest we're gonna get to him admitting how he really feels about the people of the country he "leads." The AI video he reposted of himself in a fighter jet named "King Trump," with a crown on his head, dropping tons of non-metaphorical shit on the heads of protesters is the kind of childish idiocy that MAGA freaks masturbate to because they think they've so owned the libtards. I mean, they might be fecal freaks, but keep your kinks to yourself. 

But, god, it's just so fucking boring. Get a new fucking act, you hacks on the right. We get it. You can make little cartoons where Trump does outrageous shit. It doesn't bother us as much as it just makes you seem pathetic and worthless. Now try something really surprising. If Trump had posted how he was glad that Americans peacefully asserted their right to free speech, that would have shocked the hell out of us. We wouldn't have known how to react. Instead, he's just who he always was: a cretinous little baby-man who desperately needs people to love him, even if they are, truly, the shittiest people ever.

Trump's done us a favor. One of the things that traditional and dumb Democrats have said is that they do things like show up at White House events or congratulate Trump for his (now-failed) Gaza ceasefire out of "respect for the office" of the presidency. But Trump doesn't respect the office. And neither should anyone else, least of all those who he wants to shit on.

Note: Axios says the video shows Trump dropping "a brown substance." NBC, the New York Times, and others said it's "what appears to be feces." It's shit. Just say it's shit, you fucking babies.

Democrats Can Control the Narrative on Immigration

Two things need to be stated again and again when talking about the Trump administration's unleashing of Immigration and Customs Enforcement to brutally attack immigrants, legal and undocumented, in this country. First, there is only one reason any of this is occurring, and that's because Trump is allowing it to happen. Yeah, yeah, squamous Stephen Miller is the slithering snake in Trump's ear, like Sir Hiss in that Robin Hood Disney cartoon. Ultimately, though, it's Trump's call. The other thing is, rhetorically, just as important: The only "crime" committed by most of the people being beaten and torn away and zip-tied and disappeared and warehoused in hellholes is some misdemeanor violation. Or it's a draconian crackdown on immigrants who committed some minor crime years ago and are being deported because Miller only gets an erection when at least 3000 people are rounded up a day.

In any case, ICE isn't using drones and helicopters and flash bang explosives and dozens of agents in military gear to round up murderers. If you zip-tie naked children and leave them on the sidewalk for hours, you're the bad guys. It's fucked beyond fucked, and anyone who approves this kind of action or participates in it should face prosecution while anyone who condones it should be treated like the piece of shit they are and never allowed to show their depraved faces in public again.

Democrats are starting to show some spine in talking about what bullshit these raids are. But that's not enough. Most of the time, unless it's someone like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Democrats in Congress will hedge and say that, yes, they agree something needs to be done about the border or about undocumented migrants, but not like this. That's the wrong approach. It's allowing Republicans to control the narrative about immigration, and, you know, fuck them. Fuck them hard with the spiked dildo until they're begging you to fuck them harder.

It's been that way for a long time, with Republicans freaking out about some surge in immigrants (which, yes, did happen during the first part of Joe Biden's presidency as a reaction after end of the tightened border in Trump's first term which was then closed completely during the Covid pandemic). The GOP then works in tandem with its fucking crazies in their media, social and news, which makes the public reaction seem so much larger than it actually is. And then Democrats immediately say that they can solve the problem that Republicans have brought up, which means they are playing on the GOP's home turf. It's time to set the terms of the argument and fucking ignore Republicans on it.

What I mean is that the only story that Democrats should be telling is how immigration benefits this country. That should be front and center and not enforcement. Polling on immigration is all over the fucking place, which means that there is room for new dominant narrative. I mean, the hell with saying, for instance, "Obama deported more people than Trump has" as some kind of sign that Democrats are serious about immigration. No, instead, offer example after example of how immigrants, including those who were originally undocumented, have made life better for the country. 

You know where I'd start? I'd throw Ronald Reagan's corpse at Republicans. Fuck Reagan generally, but the motherfucker actually did one or two things that weren't cruel and destructive. His 1986 amnesty for undocumented immigrants was imperfect, but it did allow for 2.7 million of them to gain legal status, with about a million eventually becoming citizens. The financial benefit of millions of people who had been living in the United States for at least five years suddenly able to fully participate in the economy was huge, from the taxes on the higher wages they were able to earn to the houses they bought to the investments they made and more. You can get specific and talk about immigrants who went from undocumented and scared to proud citizens no longer living in the shadows. Make today's GOP disown Reagan. 

It won't be easy when the GOP meat grinder accuses Democrats of open borders, but that story is getting old. That story is being supplanted by kids being torn out of the arms of parents and armed assholes slamming young women to the ground and kneeling on their necks when not just threatening to kill them. Don't take the fucking bait. When pressed on things like crimes that undocumented immigrants have committed, it's easy: offer the story of the immigrants who built businesses that employ Americans and others. Don't play their game.

Take back the story of immigration in this country. It's a beautiful one. It is who we are. It's one that everyone used to love and one that has been tarnished by the hate that Republicans demand we all have. Instead, react with the love and the lack of fucks of an anti-ICE protester in an inflatable frog costume being shot with pepper balls and then dancing, dancing, dancing, with a joy that those assholes with the guns will never understand.

Trump and Hegseth Make the World Weirder and More Dangerous

I'm not particularly sympathetic to military officers, but I had to feel a little sorry for whatever generals made the 15 hour flight from South Korea to Washington, DC, to have a pissant little TV bitch tell them that they're fat and then watch a barely awake president blather about his signature and his problem walking down stairs when he wasn't talking about how awesome it would be for troops to kill Americans in the city streets of the United States. I mean, beyond "this could have been a fucking Zoom call," imagine spending your whole life immersed in the ethos of the military, of the (at least theoretical) discipline and respect for the Constitution, and you gotta travel until your ass is numb to listen to two dumb motherfuckers say you should forget all that and just fuck shit up because the bulbous orange blob man is ordering it.

The speech by Secretary of Defense (sorry, it's not really the Department of War until Congress makes the change) Pete Hegseth, a drunk who beat his wife, for the forced-gathered leadership of the US military yesterday veered between embarrassingly masturbatory Patton fantasies and genuinely disturbing shifts in policy. Mostly, he wasn't really speaking to the generals, who were there as set dressing for a reel on Instagram. He started by announcing, "The era of the Department of Defense is over... the only mission of the newly restored Department of War is this: war-fighting, preparing for war and preparing to win. Unrelenting and uncompromising in that pursuit. Not because we want war. No one here wants war, but it's because we love peace." Which is kind of confusing. If you're the "Department of War," that seems to indicate you're going to start, you know, wars; whereas, the Department of Defense would be more concerned with maintaining peace than waging war. I know it's all nuance and bullshit, but the fucking chest-thumping is completely ludicrous. And when was the mission of our military not "war-fighting"? Isn't that what all the guns and bombs and training are for?

Of course, every single person sitting in that room knew that, had lived that, and understood that this fucking shit-for-brains telling them that was a goddamned insult. 

So much of what Hegseth said was childish, ignorant, and deranged. "You kill people and break things for a living," he chest-pounded. "You are not politically correct and don't necessarily belong always in polite society. We are not an army of one. We are a joint force of millions of selfless Americans. We are warriors." Goddamn, he sounds like an incel desperate for likes while live-playing League of Legends on Twitch. Again, this fucking amateur, this pretender, this boy in grown-up clothes is saying this to hundreds of men and women who used to know exactly what the mission was but had that all scrambled for them. And let's be clear: the vast majority of people in the military, like 80-85% (if not more) are not frontline fighters. There's support staff, intelligence, logistics, maintenance, medical personnel, and more, and that's not counting the warriors whose job entails sitting in a trailer in the Nevada desert, piloting drones remotely for recon and for blowing shit up. Oh, and the IT departments that keep all that running.

Hegseth was wantonly, flagrantly insulting, whether it was his fat-shaming rant or his even stupider attack on beards (I guess those religious exemptions don't matter). And he said, "We fight not because we hate what's in front of us. We fight because we love what's behind us. You see, the Ivy League faculty lounges will never understand us, and that's okay because they could never do what you do." This moronic bitch doesn't get that a number of veterans are on Ivy League faculty, including former generals. And just calm down there, princess. It's not like defending the country is the hardest fucking concept to get your head around.

Now imagine the admiral who had to travel 20 hours from Manila to DC just to listen to a sleepy, deranged commander-in-chief talk about walking down stairs. No, seriously. Nearly an hour into his truly bizarre, disturbing, dementia-driven ramble about, fuck, I guess "stuff," Trump mocked Joe Biden for falling down stairs, which led to this extended...something...stream of consciousness? Inner monologue said out loud? Haints in his head he's having a conversation with? Honestly, I don't know...but this is really the president of the United States:

"I'm very careful when I walk downstairs, I'm on stairs like these stairs. I walk very slowly. Nobody has to set a record. Just try not to fall because it doesn't work out well. A few of our presidents have fallen and it became a part of their legacy. We don't want that. You walk nice and easy. You don't have to set any record, be cool, be cool when you walk down. But don't bop down the stairs. So one thing with Obama, I had zero respect for him as a president, but he would bop down those stairs. I've never seen him. Bop, bop, bop. He'd go down the stairs, wouldn't hold on. I said, it's great. I don't want to do it. I guess I could do it. But eventually bad things are going to happen and it only takes once. But he did a lousy job as president."

That's the guy who told the leaders of the military, who have had it hammered into them and hammer it into the soldiers they command that, as very clearly stated in the US Constitution, the US military doesn't wage war against Americans on American soil, that they will wage war against Americans on American soil. Trump said, using the quaint colloquial term for the n-word, "In our inner cities, which we're going to be talking about because it's a big part of war now, it's a big part of war."

Trump described the future battles this way: "The Democrats run most of the cities that are in bad shape. We have many cities in great shape too, by the way. I want you to know that. But it seems that the ones that are run by the radical left Democrats, what they've done to San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, they're very unsafe places. And we're going to straighten them out one by one. And this is going to be a major part for some of the people in this room. That's a war too. It's a war from within...Last month I signed an executive order to provide training for quick reaction force that can help quell civil disturbances. This is going to be a big thing for the people in this room because it's the enemy from within and we have to handle it before it gets out of control. It won't get out of control once you're involved at all."

Every single one of those cities has seen a drop in crime. In New York City, shootings are lower than they've ever been. Murders are down. Robberies are down. If you send in troops, they'll just be picking up garbage like the National Guard soldiers are forced to do in DC because there's nothing else to fucking do because the police actually have a handle on the crime situation. Fuck reality, though. Fuck it raw.

One thing I don't get is why police unions aren't pissed off about all this talk. Yeah, we can say a lot of shit about how terrible cops are (and we should), and there are plenty of reasons that crime is down that have nothing to do with policing. But the president saying that troops need to invade cities in order to bring order is a fucking insult to the police in those cities. It's saying that they aren't doing their jobs. I mean, Christ, they already have all the military equipment they could want. It's redundant to send the actual army in. 

Unless, of course, your goal isn't to stop crime but to pretend bad shit is going on so you can take over the cities and intimidate the population and be the mad king you were always destined to be. 

It probably doesn't need to be said, but one thing that our military is not trained to do is be police (except for the ones trained as military police), and every general there knows it. I'm sure there are military leaders who are batshit crazy and would love to use "inner cities" as a "training ground" to attack "the enemy from within." But most aren't. Most know that if they are ordered to, it will be time to decide whether or not they are loyal to the obvious dementia-sufferer-in-chief or to the Constitution and the country.

Trump and Hegseth essentially undermined everything the United States is supposed to stand for, and they admit they don't give a fuck about history, about stability, about the rest of the world. In their very weird and very disturbed way, they have made life more dangerous for everyone on earth.

And now that Trump has declared that we are in an "armed conflict" with drug cartels, that's going to be his and Hegseth's and squamous tumor Stephen Miller's excuse to level what's left of the country they have already wrecked.

Kimmel's Suspension Isn't the Worst Thing Trump Has Done, But It Should Scare the Hell Out of You

It's really important to get this part right: Late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel was not insulting or even talking about Charlie Kirk when he said on Monday that last weekend we saw "the MAGA Gang desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them and doing everything they can to score political points from it." Under pressure from the federal government, ABC, owned by Disney, suspended Kimmel's show indefinitely, which is censorship by any measure. The FCC chair, Brendan Carr, who looks like the creepy uncle who touches you too much, claimed that the real issue is that Kimmel "misled" people on the political beliefs of Tyler Robinson, Kirk's murderer, and that's not allowed.

Except that's not what the actual words there are doing. What Kimmel and his writers were saying is that Donald Trump and the entirety of MAGA world is distancing itself from Robinson. We don't know what Robinson believes. We have various hints, but we don't know. Before we knew even the small amount we know now, the MAGA media machine, including the president and his administration, accused everyone from George Soros to Rachel Maddow to "Antifa" for being somehow responsible for the murder, and, again, with no evidence, called for organizations and individuals on the left to be declared terrorists and silenced, forced into poverty from lawsuits, and arrested. That wasn't misleading? 

The other thing Kimmel said is simply undeniably true. Trump and his minions and accomplices are exploiting Kirk's death. Because I'm damned to be included on the mailing lists of assholes, I've gotten multiple emails from right-wing organizations seeking to raise money off it. It's being used as a cudgel against anyone daring to do something as terrible as quote Charlie Kirk on Instagram. They are wallowing in the opportunities the murder has provided them. Indeed, they keep accusing the "left" of "celebrating" Kirk's death (and, yes, there have been some people who posted things cheering it), but the real celebration is on the right as they engage in an orgy of self-righteousness and performative outrage. Which is their First Amendment right, as it is the First Amendment right of anyone to say that what they're doing is scoring political points.

What makes the Kimmel suspension and Carr's promise that "we're not done yet" so insidious and, yes, frightening is that it lowers the bar from mocking Kirk's death to any criticism of Trump or the MAGA movement being reason enough for censorship, intimidation, and punishment. Even worse, as Greg Sergeant points out, is that Carr is making it clear that this really is about Trump by using the FCC's "public interest obligation" as a sledgehammer. But, see, "public interest" is now not about the Constitution or even, really, the public. The administration is saying that "public interest" tied to Trump, that if you attack Trump, you're undermining the public interest. The FCC is saying that what's good for Trump is good for America and everything needs to follow that. If a plane was carrying the Epstein files, I assume Trump would shoot it out of the air and claim it's for the good of the country.

It gets worse. Even as unlikely compatriots like Karl Rove and Tucker Carlson decry the federal government's insertion of itself into TV content moderation, we have a parade of right-wingers saying that maybe they don't think the First Amendment is all that great. Wyoming Senator Cynthia Lummis, who looks like she's waiting to see you drink the tea she put cyanide in, said, "Under normal times, in normal circumstances, I tend to think that the First Amendment should always be sort of the ultimate right. And that there should be almost no checks and balances on it. I don’t feel that way anymore." So I guess our rights didn't come directly from God, as Republicans are fond of saying. 

Trump himself threatened to strip networks' affiliate stations of their licenses to broadcast, saying, in essence, the hell with the right to free speech: "When you have a network and you have evening shows and all they do is hit Trump, that’s all they do—if you go back, I guess they haven’t had a conservative one in years, or something—when you go back and take a look, all they do is hit Trump. They’re licensed. They’re not allowed to do that." 

Except they are. That's the whole point of the First Amendment. The freedom to shit-talk someone, even after death, even Charlie Kirk, is one of the founding principals of this country. The Declaration of Independence is a long shit-talk about King George III. The founders themselves regularly shit-talked each other (when they weren't, you know, dueling), sometimes in print, sometimes in debates. In a letter written for publication in 1800, Alexander Hamilton accused then-President John Adams of "disgusting egotism,” “distempered jealousy,” and “ungovernable indiscretion." That's just a little sample of vituperation leveled at Adams. There's nothing more American than shit-talking the president.

Indeed, you could argue that the real patriots are the ones willing to shit-talk Donald Trump, Charlie Kirk, and anyone else. And while, yes, obviously, there's a difference between suffering personal consequences for what you post on social media and the government demanding you be silenced, I'd argue that the government has a responsibility to come in and tell, say, a university that fired someone because a couple of trolls got a screenshot of single thing a professor wrote on Instagram that it's violating that professor's First Amendment rights. (I'm pretty sure that public universities, which are government institutions, will have this come up in lawsuits.)

Instead, what we're getting is everyone on the right cheering on the mass censorship of anyone who would dare suggest that Charlie Kirk said the things that he actually did say, which were awful and violent and degrading. But none of that matters because this is an opportunity for the totalitarian right to use this to force its demented control over the speech and actions of the country. It is, to put it simply, a chance to outlaw much of what the left says and stands for. It's a low-rent version of Naomi Klein's idea of the shock doctrine in action: using a "crisis" in order advance a harmful political agenda. Usually, it involves natural disasters or a terrorist attack. This wasn't the latter, but they're trying to make it into one and respond accordingly.

Look, I know that what's happened to Jimmy Kimmel pales in comparison to what the US government is doing to migrants (or what we're funding in Gaza, for that matter). Kimmel is a wealthy man with all kinds of resources at his disposal, and I'm hoping that he tells ABC, Disney, Trump, Sinclair, and everyone else to go fuck themselves as they try to force him to apologize to Kirk's widow (which would be weird since he didn't insult Kirk), give her money, and donate to Kirk's hate group (fuck you, that's what it is when you're on the receiving end of the hate), Turning Point USA. I'm hoping that he says he wants to sue the Trump administration and goes for it. Hell, Disney is a big damn, wealthy corporation run by rich pukes who, of course, want to protect the bottom line for their investors because that's all the morality capitalism can muster. 

But surely they have to know that it's never going to be enough for these monsters in the White House. ABC paid Trump off and had George Stephanopoulos apologize for saying that Trump raped E. Jean Carroll, which, you know, he did. It wasn't enough. Kimmel didn't say a damn thing about Kirk's politics and even sent out sympathies to Kirk's family and expressed horror over the shooting. It still wasn't enough. There is no satiating them, there is no end point, and they will always, always, always find another way to extort and threaten and blackball and punish. People with the means to do something need to fucking well do something. As I and many others have said, what's the use in having "fuck you" money if you don't occasionally say, "Fuck you"? It's not even that big an ask. George Soros just gave $10 million for the redistricting effort in California. The money's there. Whatever a lawsuit would cost will be far, far less than the next round of extortion.

Meanwhile, the rest of us without deep pockets or portfolios that would allows us to retire are left to wonder how we can react to this. I have friends in red states who feel like they're risking their jobs if they express an opinion on Facebook that isn't "Charlie Kirk is the awesomest human ever and I will bless him every night in my prayers which I definitely say before bed." I wanted to write something savage about the whole situation, but I didn't because I didn't want to wonder if I'd become the next target of Libs of Suck My Cock or whatever (sorry - I'm not going cold turkey). 

That's the way this works. It starts with Jimmy Kimmel and some professors and other workers, and it causes fear in others in media, entertainment, and anyone who writes or posts. That's of a piece with how this administration wants to spread fear, whether by picking up people in the country legally for protesting the war in Gaza or drone-murdering a boatload of Venezuelans or by deporting migrant children in the middle of the night or deporting migrant adults to countries they have no ties to or sending masked goons out to terrorize communities. It's the same with detention facilities and defunding universities and suing law firms. Fear and compliance are their tools. The counter to that is courage and protest and refusal, but that is far easier said than done.

We need some leaders here on this, but, sadly, we are bereft of them. There's a line that's been haunting me from Tony Kushner's  A Bright Room Called Day, a frighteningly prescient play about artists facing the rise of Hitler in Germany. A character comments on how he and his circle are not ready for what's coming, "This age wanted heroes. It got us instead." Maybe Kimmel can be that hero. Maybe AOC, who delivered a hell of a speech on who Charlie Kirk really was while most Democrats just meekly acquiesced to a vote on an official day of remembrance. Hell, maybe it's you or me. Just know that this fight is gonna be hard and it's gonna end up hurting a lot of us as they contort all the tools of the government to serve themselves and wreck the rest of the country. You should be scared now. But not too scared to act.