Republican Leaders Will Do Everything They Can to Fuck With the Infrastructure Bill

One of the ways that the oh-so-clever take-makers on the left like to describe how Republicans always act like they are going to go along with Democrats on some bill or some issue, only to bail when it comes time to actually vote for shit is to say it's like when, in the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy holds a football, invites Charlie Brown to kick it, and pulls it away at the last second, causing that poor, trusting bastard to end up on his ass. And yet, every time Lucy holds the football, even as he says he knows exactly what's happening, he can't help himself: Charlie Brown attempts to kick the goddamn football and falls on his ass. 

But as readily analogous as that is to what Republicans do to Democrats, it also presumes that Republicans are willing to pretend that they are playing football. See, we're at the point by now where it's kind of a quaint to believe that the GOP might actually still believe in the game. Yet, frankly, everything points to Republicans bailing on games or rules or behaving in any way that anyone would deem fair or rational.

When it comes to the infrastructure bill that was negotiated between (all white, it must be noted) Democratic and Republican senators and that President Biden said he would support, Republicans are acting less like Lucy pulling the ball more like Lucy tossing the football aside, charging at Charlie Brown, knifing him, and kicking his head repeatedly while he lays on the ground bleeding and screaming, "I thought we were playing football," until Lucy says, "You dumb motherfucker, Charlie Brown. You were too stupid to know that this shit was never a game" and drags his corpse to bury under the pitcher's mound.

It's been known for weeks that any deal on infrastructure would be part of a twofer: the bipartisan part where everyone can jack each other off so they can tell everyone how functional our dysfunctional legislative branch is and the larger bill that would be passed through reconciliation so the Republicans can act all outraged and shit. This has been talked about for a couple of months. Back in early April, Sen. Roy Blunt of Missouri was on Fox News Sunday (motto: "It's exhausting being the only mildly sane show on this shit-tossing network") and he said, "If the proposal was to do just that, I don't think there’d be a problem with the bipartisan group of supporters for this package. I’ve reached out to the White House a couple of times now and said, you've got an easy bipartisan win here if you'll keep this package narrowly focused on infrastructure, and then the other 70 or so percent of the package that doesn't have very much too do with infrastructure, if you want to force that in a partisan way, you can still do that." Seems like a pretty fucking clear understanding of the lay of the land in the Senate: shit can be done way and then other shit can be done another way. 

Yet, of course, Republicans went full berzerker when Biden said that he wouldn't sign the bipartisan infrastructure bill unless the reconciliation bill came along with it because Biden's off-the-cuff remarks simply gave them the space to throw themselves on the Walmart floor and roll around until they got a toy. Lindsey Graham screamed, "That’s extortion!" like someone just suggested canceling the Daughters of the Confederacy Cotillion this year. Mitch McConnell, who always looks like he's getting a surprise pegging from Elaine Chao and he's not sure if he should like it, used the occasion to grumble that Biden was trying to "hold the bipartisan agreement hostage," saying that Biden was threatening a veto, which, you know, he kind of was.

And, of course, Biden issued a statement saying he wasn't really threatening a veto and that one bill is not contingent on the other, but, no shit, Democrats are gonna try to pass more spending because the fucking country is falling apart. Which, of course, led McConnell to swing back around and accuse Democrats in the House of the same exact thing he had just accused Biden of doing: "The President cannot let congressional Democrats hold a bipartisan bill hostage over a separate and partisan process." You see that shit? That's not pulling the football. That's rushing to stab the kicker. Motherfuckers can't just keep the process going. Everything is a fucking war.

We saw that today in the House in the vote to remove statues of Confederate leaders and other dicks from the Capitol. It could have been a feel-good moment of both parties coming together to acknowledge that the past of this country is fucked up and we should do better. Instead, Minority Leader Kevin "My Cologne Smells Like Trump's Sweaty Taint" McCarthy assholed, "[Democrats] are desperate to pretend their party has progressed from their days of supporting slavery, pushing Jim Crow laws, and supporting the KKK. But today, the Democratic Party has simply replaced the racism of the Klan with the racism of critical race theory." That is some crazy-ass, rawdog fuckery right there, and doubly so because 120 Republicans voted to keep the statues, so who's the fucking racist today, Kevster? This is not to mention that critical race theory never lynched anyone, but people are getting figuratively lynched for supporting it.

Back on infrastructure, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was having none of McConnell's bullshit. She told her caucus that the bills are being done in tandem and that they aren't going to move on anything until the Senate gets its shit together and passes them. It's certainly easier for Democrats in the House to kick Lucy in the face when she starts fucking around with the football.

But over in the Senate, McConnell is slavering in anticipation of fucking with the whole infrastructure deal. If he can use progress on the reconciliation bill as a reason to blow shit up, he'll do it. If he can, he'll attempt to fuck with Democrats by demanding things that are poison pills to liberals in the House. 

When it comes to this part of Biden and the Democrats' agenda, the filibuster is off the table if Democrats wanna play it that way. Reconciliation gives McConnell a shitty hand here. So, hopefully, Democrats are ready for Lucy's death charge. Fucking trip her and make her fall on her own blade. Then kick the football over her bleeding body. 

(Note: Yes, I have taken the Peanuts analogy and wrung it dry. We shall speak of it no more.)