Two Days After Mueller's Statement, the Path Is Clearer Than Ever

There's one thing that the Democratic Party doesn't get. It's something that individual Democrats understand quite well and they reap the rewards from it. And it goes like this: People want to follow fighters. You can add to that: The fight needs to be absolutely clear. That can be policy based, as in Medicare for All or, if you're a fucking lying prickscab, "Mexico will pay for the wall." But it can also be tactical.

See, Democrats can have all the hearings they want. They can have all the subpoena fights the judicial system can handle. A dozen committees and subcommittees can have witnesses and experts testify about the criminality of the Trump administration. But no one is gonna give a single shit about those things except all the assholes who are constantly checking Twitter to see who "destroyed" who in a 3-minute video. (Note: Yeah, I'm one of those assholes, and it has made me seek the comfort of vicodin and vodka, a V&V cocktail that can straight murder you if you're not careful.)

What people can get their heads around is a single, simple concept: impeachment. It crystallizes all that other shit into a concept that is analogous to "fight." As in, "Holy Christ, Democrats are finally gonna stop being such punk-ass bitches and actually fight this dumb orange motherfucker who is wrecking the joint. About fuckin' time."

I fucking guarantee that as soon as an impeachment inquiry is opened, Democrats will be jizzing themselves so hard that they'll do anything to keep that orgasm going. The excitement it would elicit in the left and a good deal of the center would be akin to a surfer hitting the barrel of a wave just right. Jesus, what a feeling. I fucking guarantee that polling on support for impeachment would go up immediately. That's why it's called "leadership." You go first and others follow. And the right would lose its fucking mind, which would be as delicious as eating whipped cream off an angel's nipple.

Look, there is only one rational conclusion to draw from Special Counsel and not-the-hero-we-needed Robert Mueller's weird statement on Wednesday. I say "weird" because it could seem like he was just casting some bones and telling us to read their prophecies. And he delivered it in a nervous, exhausted tone that said he just wanted to go fishing already. But, still, what he was saying was pretty fuckin' clear: Russia interfered in our elections, and, holy fuckballs, why aren't we doing anything about that? And President Donald Trump sure as shit obstructed the investigation.

I mean, seriously, you have to be willingly obfuscating or so slobberingly brainwashed that you eat and shit MAGA to misunderstand Mueller. Or you have to be guilty. "[I]f we had had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime," Mueller said, "we would have said so." And then in the very next part, he said why he couldn't therefore say the president did commit a crime: because of the bullshit Department of Justice memorandum. In other words, the president committed a crime, and so did a lot of others. But he can't just say that.

Why didn't Mueller say, "Fuck it. Impeach the motherfucker already"? Because I fucking promise you they would have punished him. They'd have taken away his pension or some such shit because he violated DOJ policy. It would have been a battle. No matter what globular Attorney General and Man Most Likely to Be Trump's Footrest William Barr says now about how Mueller could have indicted Trump, if Mueller had, they would have done everything in their cynical, foul power to wreck him because that's what they do.

The other thing is that Mueller is a Republican, and he likely honestly believed that Republicans would do the right thing because, and it can't be said enough, the motherfucking Russians interfered in our election to harm one specific candidate, Hillary Clinton, and get another specific candidate, Donald Trump, elected. If Mueller has faith in the GOP to act honorably, then that is his tragic flaw.

But let's return for one moment to the findings of the Special Counsel's investigation. Mueller stated in no uncertain terms, as directly as we would have hoped he could have been on Trump, that they found clear evidence of Russian interference, which led to multiple indictments. That means your vote was manipulated by lies that were amplified by Trump and his campaign. You can lie to yourself and say that Trump didn't "collude" (or, to use the legal term, "conspire") with the Russians, but there is no hedging on the fact that Trump and his goons and lackeys gladly touted the information that was stolen from the Democrats and all the false allegations against Hillary Clinton.  Are you good with that? Are you okay with a foreign government using, well, fake news to make you want to vote a certain way? Or perhaps even just hack into voting machines and change your vote?

See, Democrats don't have to go after Trump for conspiring. They can go after his refusal to acknowledge that Russia did what our own investigations say it did. They can go after his refusal to get behind the efforts to protect the vote. They can go after his disturbing faith in Vladimir Putin. In other words, they can go after Trump for dereliction of duty, for violating his oath of office, and for being such an egomaniacal prick that the legitimacy of his election is more important than the legitimacy of our entire democratic system.

Impeachment would tie together so many threads for Americans. And, goddamnit, Mueller should testify before a House committee because we're not a reading people in the USA. Hell, just having Mueller repeat shit like a live podcast of his report would probably do more to turn the tide against Trump than all the printed words they can muster. (And he could answer whether or not he wanted the FBI post that Trump says he wanted.)

And Democrats better do this shit soon because Trump is listening to some nutzoid ratfuckers on this. Not only did he say in his mad rant yesterday that a court wouldn't "allow" impeachment (the Supreme Court has nothing to do with it until the trial in the Senate after impeachment, where the Chief Justice presides), he said to reporters, "Someday, you ought to read a thing called Article 2.  Read Article 2, which gives the President powers that you wouldn’t believe.  But I don’t even have to rely on Article 2."

Yeah, you can try to stop him now with impeachment or you can wait until he comes up with a pretext to shitcan the Congress while Republicans totally agree they should give him all the power.