Sure, sure, we've all heard about the sing-song romp through the judiciary system, the declaration of a national emergency because it gets shit done faster than legal methods, the ongoing weirdo love of Kim Jong-un, and, of course, the copious lying, all of it from President Donald Trump's announcement of said emergency so he can steal money from one place and use it for his dumbass wall. Or, more likely, so this shit can get tied up in court and he can campaign on how those fuckin' Democrats are gonna make your lily-white daughter blow illegal immigrant gang members before they murder everyone.
That was a hell of a thing on Friday, that moment when the multiple rails of snorted Adderall stimulated the frantic mongoose in Trump's skull to bite its own tail off while Trump verbalized what that felt like. But, still, a few things from this verbal rampage haven't gotten the coverage they most definitely deserve. Like:
1. Trump pretty much leaned into doing an Asian accent while relating what Chinese President Xi Jinping told him about drug policy in China. While he didn't go full out and pull back his eyes while yelling, "Ching-chong-chang! I Xi Jipping, the thieving Chink!" (which, no doubt, he does in private), Trump said that Xi told him they don't have a drug problem because, quoting Xi, "Death penalty. We give death penalty to people that sell drugs. End of problem." And he had just a soupcon of an accent, just enough to show we know what he was thinking in his sinister, racist heart. I can promise you beyond a shadow of a doubt that Trump never had this conversation with President Xi.
2a. CNN reporters had him cornered at one moment. An exasperated Trump called on Jim Acosta, and that journalist had left his last fuck in a pile on the White House lawn. Trump kept trying to interrupt him as he asserted that, despite Trump's lies (including, again, the duct-taped women, his strangest fetish), "There’s a lot of crime data out there, there’s a lot of Department of Homeland Security data out there that shows border crossings at a near-record low." Trump got pissed and tried to interject. Acosta kept going with the government's own statistics on low crime rates and more.
Trump finally scoffed with all the confidence a fucking moron can muster, "You don’t really believe that stat, do you? Do you really believe that stat?" Acosta pressed the idea that the real emergency is something Trump created and Trump asked the "Angel Moms," the mothers of people murdered by undocumented immigrants whose pain he regularly exploits, to stand and show photos of their children. Before dismissing Acosta, he said, "You’re CNN. You’re fake news. You have an agenda. The numbers that you gave are wrong. Take a look at our federal prison population. See how many of them, percentage-wise, are illegal aliens. Just see. Go ahead and see. It’s a fake question."
2b. Then one of Acosta's colleagues, Brian Karem, kept pressing the case. "Unifying crime reporting statistics — numbers from your own Border Patrol, numbers from this government — show that the amount of illegal immigrants are down" and that violence on the border is way down. "I’m asking you to clarify where you get your numbers, because most of the DEA crime reporting statistics that we see show that drugs are coming across at the ports of entry, that illegal immigration is down, and the violence is down," he said, as Trump got visibly enraged because he was fucking caught by someone calling bullshit on his bullshit. "So what do you base your facts on?" Karem jabbed.
Trump went nutzoid. "I get my numbers from a lot of sources — like Homeland Security, primarily. And the numbers that I have from Homeland Security are a disaster," he said, and he referred to the "billions and billions of dollars" he says are "lost" because of undocumented immigrants. Karem confronted the president with "So your own government stats are wrong, are you saying?" Trump squirmed, "No, no. I use many stats. I use many stats," which means he's just making shit up. Asked to share those stats, Trump lied desperately, "Let me tell you, you have stats that are far worse than the ones that I use. But I use many stats, but I also use Homeland Security." He refused to engage any more and moved to the next question.
2c. If the next reporter had pushed more on these fantasy statistics Trump has, I think he would have cracked, exploded, or stormed off. But the next one moved on to China, and the chance was gone. Goddamnit, people, get it together. When a filthy, diseased rat is cornered, you swat that bastard until it's dead.
3. Trump shits on Barack Obama every chance he gets. Not only did he say that Obama told him that he was close to war with North Korea, something that Obama administration officials deny, but Trump said that he's not coasting on Obama's economy. In fact, the economy "was heading south, and it was going fast. We would have been down the tubes" because of regulations, even though the economy grew under those regulations, but, you know, Trump. Also, "under the previous administration, our military was depleted" (it wasn't).
4. Apparently, Democrats are giving too much money for security at ports of entry, you know, the place where almost all of the drugs come through. "Ports of entry," Trump snorted. "We have so much money, we don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know what to do with all the money they’re giving us. It’s crazy." Yeah, it's crazy. If you don't know what to do with the money, then you should probably read the bill because it fucking outlines what every cent is for. (Note: he's never read a bill in his life.)
5. Towards the end of the thing, Trump divided the country into "real" and, presumably, fake. Talking about the Angel Moms and Dad, Trump declared, "The real country, our real country — the people that really love our country, they love you." There you go. If you don't put the desires of a particular group of crime victims' families ahead of everything else, you don't love this country. Except for gun violence. Those survivors and families should get scorn and death threats, according to the right.
Every day, every time Trump tweets or speaks, the country dies a little more. We can't wait for Mueller's report. We shouldn't even be that invested in it. If, by now, we don't have enough to present a compelling case to remove him from office, conspiring with Russians won't do a thing. You could have a photo of Trump being handed money by Vladimir Putin in front of a giant sign that says, "Thanks for laundering all that cash. Now build a tower in Moscow!" and 35% of Americans would still stand with him. Take him down now.
