Imagine, for shits and giggles, that the Trump administration is a guy, just a guy, not Trump, but a metaphorical man. An older man. And he's in the middle of fucking the ass of another guy. It's all consensual, although the bottom guy is pretty sure he was drunk when he invited the older guy over, but the older guy promised him awesome sex. It's ok, it's just fucking, and, hey, that can't be bad, right? Except now the older man, he's getting tired. He hasn't come. The bottom guy hasn't come. No one is even close to coming. And the older man is starting to lose his boner. If the older dude cared, he might grab an available dildo to get the bottom guy off, but he's not. He's a selfish fuck, and he's getting angry that his hard-on is starting to fade. The bottom guy can feel this happening, and it happens fast, from weaker thrusts to missed thrusts to the feeling of latex-covered Play-Doh being repeatedly mashed against the edges of his asshole.
The older man should just stop. It's not gonna work. And the bottom guy knows it and is willing to just call a mulligan on the entire experience, no shame, maybe some awkward cuddling before calling it a night. But the older man is now pissed. He's pissed off at his dick. He's yelling at it, grabbing it, yanking it, trying to get it up again. And it's kind of freaking out the bottom guy, who, at this point, is done, but when the older guy starts accusing the bottom guy of fucking up the fucking, shit's getting out of hand and the bottom guy is wondering if the older guy is about to start getting violent with him.
That's pretty much where we are right now in the United States as the Trump election erection goes flaccid and the act of actually governing with a rogues' gallery of criminals, whores, and plague rats led by a madman is going about as disastrously as one could expect. Now that Trump's human security blanket, Hope Hicks, is gone, and Trump wants/doesn't want Ivanka and Jared out of the White House, the goddamned president is behaving even more erratically, his "fuck everyone but me" attitude making him tell Democrats he's for gun control before meeting with the NRA and having a come-to-armed-Jesus moment, his belligerence and ignorance making him announce a trade war before alerting anyone who should have known and, hey, who knows, it might not really happen because we are being "led" by a savage jellyfish and not a human.
So yesterday, Trump was in a particularly insane mood. At an event on opioid crisis policy, after exploiting a "friend" whose son died of an overdose, Trump praised countries that execute drug dealers: "Some countries have a very, very tough penalty — the ultimate penalty. And, by the way, they have much less of a drug problem than we do." Of course, Trump promised that "The administration is going to be rolling out policy over the next three weeks," which will likely follow the same path as his utterly ineffective opioid commission and his budget, which proposed cuts in programs that help those addicted. In other words, we will have no leadership from DC, but we'll get another photo op.
And on Wednesday, at that bullshit meeting where he said he supported gun control measures, Trump once again went on about making schools "hard": "First, we must harden our schools against attack...You know, you can harden the site to a level that nobody can get in." And then, in a moment of peak madness, he elaborated, "We’ll have nice hard sites, the door closes, and now we can’t get in. We have to send a tractor through the walls. So we have to be careful of that." The fuck? So schools become such fortresses that we now have to worry about tractors going through the walls? The fuck?
Then he just shit on his predecessors, as if he's the first president to ever try to get gun laws passed. "I asked for just a list of — I mean, when you look at Columbine, Colorado, Bill Clinton was President. Virginia Tech — George Bush. Fort Hood, Sandy Hook, San Bernardino, Pulse Nightclub, and so many more. It’s ridiculous." When Sen. Chris Murphy of Connecticut, who has tried mightily to get legislation passed, tried to explain the power of the gun lobby, Trump dismissed it with "You went through a lot of Presidents and you didn’t get it done. You have a different President... It’s time that a President stepped up, and we haven’t had them. And I’m talking Democrat and Republican Presidents — they have not stepped up."
Yeah, motherfucker, nobody tried to do a thing. Except President Clinton, who got the assault weapons ban passed which helped fuck the Democrats in 1994, did step up. And President Obama, who tried to get a background check bill passed that was supported by over 90% of the nation but couldn't get through the gun-fellating GOP, stepped up.
Fuckin' Trump couldn't step up without holding someone's hand, and even then it would leave him breathing heavily and exhausted.
And like the aforementioned bottom guy, we all just wonder how quickly we can just throw this asshole out of our lives.
