Apparently, "much work to do," as President Donald Trump proclaimed he would be heading back to DC for after spending most of the last two weeks golfing and, presumably, attempting to fuck Melania (per her contractual obligations) only to end up screaming at her for keeping her eyes open and that's why his dick couldn't get hard, and, no, Melania, it's not all the fast food sodium and Diet Coke chemicals, the fuck are you talking about, means "tweeting a shit-ton." Because that's pretty much all Trump did today. It was like a greatest hits concert of tweets, slamming Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, North Korea, Iran, Democrats, the New York Times, and the "fake news" media. Seriously, it was like it was Skynyrd doing "Freebird" nonstop for an entire day.
There was lots of weird and disturbing shit, sure, and we'll get to that, but there was also a demonstrably false, batshit tweet where Trump took credit for something that he had nothing to do with: "Since taking office I have been very strict on Commercial Aviation. Good news - it was just reported that there were Zero deaths in 2017, the best and safest year on record!" It was the safest year around the entire goddamn world for airline passengers. That means Trump is taking credit for airline safety in China, in Iran, everywhere, which is just pure fucking idiocy. Hell, the report is from a Dutch agency. And it's been nine years since a U.S. plane has crashed with fatalities. So, you know, thanks Obama. This is some "Dear Leader" dictator shit right here, where the president just says that he makes the sun rise and pies taste delicious, just so his idiot hordes can love him for things they're too idiotic to understand. It's like when he jumped on stage at an AIDS benefit in 1996 and acted like he had given to the cause when, in reality, he hadn't done a thing.
It's even more ludicrous when you think about what he's taking credit for. If Trump's responsible for no deaths on airlines worldwide, then life and death is all on him. He's done shit on guns, so he's responsible for all gun deaths. He's done nothing except for show on opioid addiction, so all those overdoses are on him. C'mon, motherfucker, you wanna play this game, let's fuckin' play. (Thanks to rude tweeter DixiDoodle for this analogy.)
Meanwhile, Trump started the day by shitting on Kim Jong-un, calling the North Korean jack-off "Rocket man" again for reaching out to South Korea for talks. And now Trump's ended it by threatening to nuke North Korea as a response to Kim saying that he has "a nuclear button on the desk in my office." It's the usual bullshit that petty tyrants say.
But Trump apparently saw Kim's New Year's Eve statement, thought, "You think that's acting like a petty tyrant? Hold my Diet Coke," and then tweeted (and it cannot be said enough that this is the goddamned president of the United States saying this): "Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!" Yes, the goddamned president is having a nearly literal dick-measuring contest with Kim Jong-un. We're gonna need a couple of pairs of tweezers and two microscopes to see who wins.
All of this is just bluster. Trump's as likely to nuke North Korea as he is to follow through on a threat to sue someone who says mean shit about his disgusting family. But it gives Kim even greater justification to push forward with a nuclear weapons program. I mean, really, wouldn't you? If some dumb, irrational motherfucker with no impulse control is saying he might nuke you, you'd sure as shit want some nukes to make that dumb motherfucker think twice. Trump is making the world a more dangerous place, almost as if he just has some nostalgia for the 1980s, the last decade he was actually relevant, and wants everyone to have the nonstop anxiety about being annihilated by nuclear bombs that we all had during the bad old days of Daddy Reagan and the Soviet Union.
We just have to get through 10 months or so of this shit because, barring a Mueller nuke, we gotta wait for the midterms for anything to change. 10 months of childish, deranged tantrums and Republicans pretending it's all fine. Just hang in there until we can show them all the fuckin' door.
Oh, there was one more tweet that deserves mention. "I will be announcing THE MOST DISHONEST & CORRUPT MEDIA AWARDS OF THE YEAR on Monday at 5:00 o’clock. Subjects will cover Dishonesty & Bad Reporting in various categories from the Fake News Media. Stay tuned!" Trump spouted from the shitter. You got that? He's got "much work to do." And, obviously, it can wait while he undermines the free press.
Or maybe that really is what he thinks his job is.
