Inauguration Day, 2017: This Is Some Bullshit Right Here

I didn't watch the Inauguration of a sentient yam, Donald Trump, as president of the United States (vomits in mouth a little). I don't need to watch bonobos jacking off to know that it's strange and loud with fluids being hurled at the end. But I did read Trump's address, and it was a warmed-over stump speech, filled with the kinds of baffling, weird, and apocalyptic rhetoric that propelled him to become head chalk eraser clapper at the special school.

For instance, what the fuck does this mean: "You came by the tens of millions to become part of a historic movement the likes of which the world has never seen before"? Trump's said that repeatedly, and it's not just a lie (Civil rights movement? The French Revolution? The Russian Revolution? The goddamn Protestant Reformation?), it's utterly meaningless. Every election is a historic movement. It's just part and parcel of Trump's nonsensical marketing of himself: every fucking thing his dick gets hard about is the greatest thing ever.

And, again, as I've said I don't know how many times, what fucking country is he talking about? Trump said, "Politicians prospered – but the jobs left, and the factories closed." You mean those millions of jobs that people got during the Obama administration? Those not only didn't leave; they came back or were created.

Then Trump got to the shit whose stench really gets him horny: "Mothers and children trapped in poverty in our inner cities; rusted-out factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape of our nation; an education system, flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of knowledge; and the crime and gangs and drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed our country of so much unrealized potential." Putting aside the truly creepy "beautiful students," Trump probably doesn't realize that the way to get people out of this hellscape is to provide money for inner cities and for poverty programs, none of which Trump supports. And I'm sure a few teachers would like to find out how much of that cash has gone to Betsy DeVos.  Oh, but he promises, "This American carnage stops right here and stops right now."

You heard that everyone? No more carnage, you scamps. You can stop killing each other because President Trump (vomits in mouth a little) has declared that it has ended. Even better, Trump promises, "We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones – and unite the civilized world against Radical Islamic Terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the Earth." How the fuck is that measured? It's not a virus. You can't make a belief system go extinct, no matter how many people you kill. Again and again, Trump makes unrealistic promises and, I guess, we're supposed to just say, "Well, he doesn't really mean that literally."

And when the hell did he write this speech? "We stand at the birth of a new millennium, ready to unlock the mysteries of space, to free the Earth from the miseries of disease, and to harness the energies, industries and technologies of tomorrow," as if the millennium isn't already 17 years old. The birth happened, man. And, Jesus fuck, who is it that wants to gut the programs that look into diseases and alternative energies?

Like most of what we heard from Trump, it was bullshit. Trump didn't ask us to do anything other than believe in him. He offered a dark vision of what the nation is, full of "carnage" and "blood" and "tombstones" and "rust," the kind of thing you would think you see when you walk out of a gold-plated condo and into the rest of the nation. A shit speech by a shit human. It's the kind of speech made by someone who has no idea what he's doing and no idea what he can do, someone with so little interest in the reality of the United States that he'd rather keep propagating a fantasy, as long as enough people are willing to live his delusions.

The only good thing about today is that we can finally move past the dread of a Trump presidency to discovering what exactly we're going to be up against in the coming years. This sad day has come, sadly attended, and now we can finally start counting down the days until this detour into stupidity and self-destruction ends.

Oh, and, hey, we don't have any ambassadors right now around the world. There are very few people actually working in the executive branch. And the president is in violation of the Constitution he swore to uphold. The best we can hope for at this point is that Trump is so out of his depth that he can't get it together to hurt the country too much before, perhaps, the 2018 midterms fuck his world up.