Rick Perry Sucks Off Strange Wang:
Today at the National Right To Life Convention (motto: "Making women's lives hell since 1968") in Dallas, Texas, Governor and serial amnesia sufferer Rick Perry spoke to a small group of shut-ins, crazies, and, apparently, the members of Monty Python in old woman drag:

Perry's speech contained some odd statements, like mourning "nearly 80,000 lives lost before taking their first breath." You might think that "breathing" might be a requirement for, you know, "life," but then again, you probably want to kill fetuses with your bare hands. You don't want what Rick Perry wants: "The ideal world, of course, is a world without abortion," even though there's never been any such thing in the history of forever and never will be.

The Governor used the occasion to bring up State Senator Wendy Davis's filibuster of an anti-abortion bill that will, when finally passed, close 37 of 42 women's health clinics in Texas by forcing them, among other things, to have admitting privileges in hospitals within 30 miles. In Texas. Big fucking Texas. Of Davis, Perry said, "In fact, even the woman who filibustered the Senate the other day was born into difficult circumstances, the daughter of a single mother and a teenage mother herself. She managed to eventually graduate from Harvard Law School and serve in the Texas Senate. It's just unfortunate that she hasn't learned from her own example: that every life must be given a chance to realize its full potential; that every life is precious."

You get his magnificent logic there? Davis is a hypocrite because she didn't abort her child and look how great she did. Isn't it kind of Perry to pat Davis on the head? Shouldn't all women strive to be Wendy Davis? Except, of course, Davis had addressed this very thing in a speech at a rally for Planned Parenthood in March.

Said Davis, "I had a child when I was very young, and I was a single mother struggling to try to make my way into an education arena, starting at community college and, fortunately, making my way from there to TCU and then Harvard Law School...None of that would have been possible had I not been able to exercise decision-making about my own family planning in the future...Planned Parenthood — the clinic on Henderson Avenue in Fort Worth — for 4 to 5 years, was my only health care...Think about the women in Texas today who have relied so much on Planned Parenthood to provide those same services, women who we know now do not have that access."

You get that? Davis is saying that if you actually give a shit about women and children, you would give a shit about the clinics that provide them with health services, including, yes, sometimes abortion. Instead of helping women, Texas Republicans want to make sure that they suffer rather than be allowed a choice in this life. Rick Perry says, "Every life is precious" until the moment it breathes its first breath. Then fuck it.

After the speech, Perry had his bodyguards bring him to the Hidden Door, his favorite gay bar in Dallas, where a man can enjoy a drink in blissfully manly surroundings. After a couple of beers and a couple of shots, Governor Perry told the leather-clad bartender, "You know, I feel like sucking some dick. Tell some of the other fellas I'll be in the bathroom." He winked at his bodyguard, who rolled his eyes, knowing he'd have to stand there with his back to his boss, crammed into the stall, while Perry went at it. The bartender walked around to the scattered patrons, most of whom looked at who the cocksucker was and demurred out of a sense of self-respect, but a few strolled over to the back to at least have a look at what the action was.

Rick Perry sucked over half a dozen dicks today before he had to head back to the airport and back to Austin. One of the guys wanted to cum on his hair, but the bodyguard stopped him, saying, "No one touches the hair. Besides, the Governor's a swallower." Yeah, Rick Perry gobbled hard knobs for a good hour, suckin' all the chowder he could from big ones and little ones, from hairy ones and bald ones, even one from a dude who wouldn't put down his beer while getting blown by the governor of Texas. One wanted to fuck him in the ass, but Perry said, "No time, no time. Now fuck my face." For the dudes in the bar, it wasn't surprising. Everyone knew who Perry really was. Everyone knew that the conservative cowboy schtick was just a beard. Everyone knew what a sad, stupid man Rick Perry was. It just happened to turn on a couple of the patrons to do that guy.

When he finished, the guard blocked the door so Perry could jack off in private before washing his hands and face, adjusting his tie, checking his hair (perfect), and walking out. There was a special session starting Monday to strategize about and women who needed to be put in their place.