Erick Erickson and the Right Are Tap Dancing as Fast as They Can:
This morning, the Rude Pundit's radio went on, as it does, early, piercing the tequila-induced fever dreams that generally involve things like him starving to death on a raft in the middle of the ocean with Colin Farrell and Scarlett Johansson, trying to figure out the eternal question, "Fuck or eat?" Eeny-meeny... Anyways, slamming into his brain was a whiny-voiced bastard in the middle of NPR's Morning Edition. "The hell?" he wondered. "Erickson? Who invited that creepy doughboy on the show?"

Yes, it was RedState.org's Erick "Erick" Erickson, a rape-eyed blogger who somehow has been granted a microphone, talking all about how Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney (campaign motto: "Vote for Mitt or Kolobians are gonna invade your puny planet") should embrace his secretly recorded statements about 47% of Americans being parasites who will not be pried from their host. Oh-ho, oh-ho, Erickson wants you to know that he didn't like Romney, oh, no, until now. As he said on CNN just a little later, "This is so discombobulated for me to be here defending Mitt Romney. It's just not my natural state." 'Cause we all totally know how absurd that is.

On RedState, Erickson listed all the right-wingers who are so down with Romney taking on the freeloading 47%, all doing their jigs and leaps in order for it to be a net positive. They're making sure we know that Romney was totally misunderstood, speaking as he was in off-the-cuff koans and proverbs. Erickson told CNN, "Well, the 47 percent number also equates to people who don't pay income taxes. Now I don't think he was actually talking about all those people, but I don't think it matters." And he'd be right, except that it totally matters.

Back on that well-designed toilet bowl, RedState, after reminding us all that he is, for some stupid reason, still a CNN commentator, Erickson wrote, "What I explained to them and what I think the media misses is that many of the people the media would claim Mitt Romney described as 'victims' weren’t who Mitt Romney was speaking about. And those people intrinsically know it. They may technically fall into the category Mitt Romney described as government dependent victims, but they know he’s not talking about them. He’s talking about the people they also are talking about."

And that, right there, is pretty much a word picture of a nude, sweaty, baby-faced Erickson, slow-motion dancing, his loose flesh moving in undulating waves across his torso, the mesmerizing contortions attempting to distract you from seeing that, truly, he really is shitty at this.

Right now, Erickson's argument is that people are too stupid to know that Mitt Romney was insulting them. Back on CNN, Erickson continued, "There are a lot of people out there who technically are in the demographic of don't pay income taxes and government benefits who actually would agree with Mitt Romney on this issue." And that's why Republicans keep getting elected to fuck things up.

One last beef with Erickson comes from the following phrase he wrote: "Back when I was running political campaigns..." He uses this to give him some kind of street cred. Is he talking about when he ran for the city council of Macon, Georgia, a position he quit, Palin-like, in his first term to be on the radio? 'Cause whatever wisdom he got from appealing to rednecks and racists probably ain't enough for him advise anyone.

Actually, scratch that. It is enough to keep advising today's Republicans. And they deserve Erickson.