Welcome to the Monkeyhouse, GOP:
Hey, GOP, welcome to your new reality. You decided to mainstream the deranged and mentally handicapped in your party and you let them in your Congress and now you have to deal with the consequences of them dumbing things down for everyone. Yeah, it was really a big bag o' fun back in November, when fucktardation was all the rage, when candidates who couldn't tell a stimulus project from pig's ass and who thought that the weather's fucked up because because Jesus has gas won elections across the scared shitless nation. Hoo, boy, what a big time it was, with even supposedly moderate Republicans telling audiences that a black man was gonna murder their white grandmothers by slitting their throats with his razor of health care. Yeah, riling up the bloated sign scrawlers and geriatric cart-riders was just so easy to do when you tell 'em that their jobs are being given away by a Kenyan Muslim who wipes his ass with the Constitution, when, in reality, if someone were to test that skid mark, it'd show Republican DNA (and corporate semen) on that founding document. Ho, man, it seems so long ago when a nasally, four-eyed twat and a paranoid, screechy, Mormon dick were viewed as legitimate voices in the national dialogue. Good stuff, motherfuckers, good stuff. And so very 2010.

Now, in a House of Representatives filthy with the loons and mongoloids of the right, the GOP is attempting something like legislating. But, lo, if you plant fruitcakes, the fruitcakes shall bear fruit: the neo-libertarians of the Tea Party actually said, "Um, fuck, no," to extending parts of the Patriot Act. See, Majority Leader Eric "Boehner's Boner Buddy" Cantor and Speaker of the House John "Look, There's Cantor on My" Boehner thought they could once again manipulate the procedures of the House and bring up the Patriot Act provisions on surveillance under a suspension of rules, which limits amendments and debate and is usually used when someone wants to officially honor something, like National Turtle-Fucking Day or some such shit. Except it requires a two-thirds majority. And when 26 Republicans defected and joined liberal Democrats, the bill failed, which, as we now know, qualifies as a major Boehner. (High five, anyone?). Then it happened again on a bill where the leadership wanted to take money away from our United Nations dues to pay for new security measures for the, you know, United Nations building, which New York GOP Rep. Peter King (who blissfully did not take off his shirt for a photo) said was a stupid idea since New York City needs, well, security. Then Boehner just fucking bailed on a trade bill.

Here's the deal: there's a reason that a nation run by its betters is a better run nation. The problem is that what we equate with "better" is often bullshit. You made a lot of money at something, like, say, car alarms and insurance fraud? Well, fuck a duck, that means you must be good at making decisions that affect the lives of millions of people. If you yelled louder than your opponent and were crazy anti-government, even though you were ironically running for a position in the government (which is a little like saying, "I'm a hardcore environmentalist. Now watch while I drill this new deepwater well for BP"), then you were seen as somehow sane enough to be elected. A nation that legitimizes corruption and incompetence through its electoral process is a nation that deserves the shitty government it gets.

It's not just Boehner and whatever speck of intelligence is left in the GOP that's in trouble. Remember: these fuckers are gonna pass shit. They're deeply invested in making abortion illegal (which, ironically, would eliminate a lot of jobs), no matter who's hurt. Hell, at this point, attacking Planned Parenthood's funding just seems like another part of the war on the poor that the Republicans are engaged in, taking it out, as usual, on women and children, especially, for the goal of somehow, someway cutting shit for the sake of saying shit was cut.

A wise White House would exploit this dissent, not try to work with it. And certainly not try to abet its savage excesses.