Photos That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Pierce His Flesh With American Flag Toothpicks:

Ron Paul is your god, dear, demented Republitarians, All worship Ron Paul. You anointed him your loser king at CPAC, the nutzoid right-winger gay blood orgy this past weekend, beating out Mitt Romney and who the fuck cares. It caused conservative spoogebucket Kevin McCullough to fan himself frantically and declare, after squealing "Oh, my stars and garters," that Paul's victory in the presidential straw poll "exposed the radically disrespectful element of the libertine." Because, says McCullough, social conservatives are where it's at (and they have much tighter assholes).

But know, foolish, sweet, innocent, silly teabaggers, that you cannot worship Ron Paul the way he would wish to be worshiped. Indeed, he mocketh you on Morning Starbucks with Joe Scarborough. Paul spaketh, regarding Tea Party members and budget cuts, "They don’t want you to touch Social Security. They don’t want you to touch anything but Obamacare. Some of them are real Republicans and they wouldn’t dare touch Bush’s increase in medical care costs, you know, prescription health programs. They treat the symptoms and they don’t look at it philosophically." Of course, a coherent philosophy to a teabagger is like gravity to a beached whale.

Ron Paul has been elevated to god status, yes, by the libertine and the ignorant and the crazy. But he is not a god. He is a mad trickster whose anarchic beliefs will end up kicking you in your balls if you attempt to agree with him. But, hey, if you want to smoke dope and shitcan Medicare, as, apparently, a number of CPAC members want, crown this motherfucker while his eyes are still spinning strongly.