John Boehner's Big Gavel Is Flaccid:
So the demonstrably unstable Speaker of the House, John Boehner, took his new position from Nancy Pelosi by requesting a comically large gavel. Overcompensating to the hilt, he held his surrogate penis aloft and made a speech that left the Rude Pundit wondering a few things.

1. Boehner said, "The American people have humbled us. They have refreshed our memories as to just how temporary the privilege to serve is." It's a constant, repeated thread in all Republican statements now, how the "people" have spoken, how the "people" want to change the way things are done in DC. So here's the question: How will Republicans react when Democrats, in the Senate and, you know, the Presidency block them from enacting the very things they campaigned on? What if Democrats are able to create lies about any modest bill Republicans want to pass and thus get masses of people active in turning on Republicans because of those lies? In other words, of course, what if Democrats acted like Republicans did during the last time the "people" voted for a monumental shift in power way back in, you know, 2008? (Note: Democrats won't do it because Fox "news" will be mean to them.)

2. Boehner said, "We will dispense with the conventional wisdom that bigger bills are always better; that fast legislating is good legislating; that allowing additional amendments and open debate makes the legislative process ‘less efficient’ than our forefathers intended." Where does it say that shorter bills on complex issues are somehow preferable? Doesn't that just mean shit's open for interpretation if everything isn't laid out with absurd detail and clarity? And here's a funny one: why does it seem there will be no amendments allowed on the health care reform repeal? Is it because everyone knows the vote is just a symbolic act of worthless protest that they just want to get over with as soon as possible? A waste of time, money, and energy in order to toss a bone to the new teabagger representatives? (Hint: Yes.)

3. Boehner said, "To my colleagues in the majority, my message is this: we will honor our Pledge to America, built through a process of listening to the people, and we will stand firm on the Constitutional principles that built our party, and built a nation." So why is one of the first things Republicans are doing is crawfishing away from one of the pledge's planks on cutting spending? Is it because the whole "Pledge" bullshit was just a way of hoodwinking teabaggers into voting for the GOP and now having to actually act on it is going to prove impossible? (Hint: Yes.)

So, cool, the shiny, new House opens with a series of lies and hypocrisies, with the craven traditional Republicans trying to keep the lid on the just-elected nutzoids so they don't fuck up 2012. As for Boehner, he walked out of today's boring-ass reading of the Constitution to have a press conference. And there's all you need to know about how very serious these serious new people are in their symbolic gestures. A giant, novelty gavel, after all, is just a giant, novelty gavel.