James O'Keefe: Lowering the Bar to Subterranean:
When you think about it, at this point, wannabe CNN-punker and "journalist" (if by "journalist," you mean, "preening liar jerk-off," which, sadly, often it does) James O'Keefe deserves to be raped by a polar bear and left to rectally bleed out on an ice floe that's drifting into the Arctic sea. As the darkness starts to creep into his eyes, the last thing O'Keefe deserves to see is the illusion of douchebag polar bears high-fiving each other and waving good-bye to him. That's absurd, though. Chances are, he'd be broken in two by the rape and then eaten.

But until O'Keefe decides to do a major "story" about the North Pole, the pasty-faced bag of shit who used his frat house's Final Cut of doom to create a poor asshole's Borat about ACORN, thus leading to a media feeding frenzy to destroy an organization that helped the poor, is free to do the cretinous work that his Breitbarting masters expect of him.

Like his latest attempted prank: to lure CNN reporter Abbie Boudreau, who is doing a documentary for the network about young conservative activists, onto a yacht filled with sex toys and "pretend" to seduce her, all the while filming the events. It's like O'Keefe saw the movie The Virginity Hit and thought, "Huh. Maybe I can finally get laid, too."

If you read the excerpts of the planning document O'Keefe and his associates created, you can see into the dark heart of a wannabe rapist. It's like these pillow-biting fuckwads thought assault was a joke. They call it a "Caper," and list things to have on the boat, like "posters and pictures of naked women" and "dildos." 'Cause that shit's funny, yo. There's even a spec script of how they thought the whole thing would happen, with Boudreau presumably acting like a complete idiot instead of like the adult in the room, saying swooning damsel shit like "James, this is not professional." Then, "If she is pulling away, withdraw and pull her back in. If she's unsure, comfort her and reassure her. Vacillate between somewhat serious interview and the come-hither persona as needed in order to confuse her judgment and also keep her on the boat." How many times do you think O'Keefe has jacked off to this scenario?

Creeped out yet? How about this, from the script that O'Keefe would say as an intro to the video: "I'm going to seduce her, on camera, to use her for a video. This bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who comes on at five will get a taste of her own medicine, she'll get seduced on camera and you'll get to see the awkwardness and the aftermath." You got it? Motherfuckers sure know how to quote Don Henley, no?

Oh, wait, there's also the mention that they want to make sure they have lots of early video of the "seduction" before so as "not proverbially 'shoot your load' before the catalytic moment" of revealing it's a hoax. The rape threat, even if not acted on, was implicit.

That's not citizen journalism. It's coercion and stupidity. Luckily, the "bubble-headed-bleach-blond" is not who they think she is. She's a seasoned reporter who probably would have told O'Keefe to go fuck himself, which, you know, would have had to have been edited out for the sake of the "story."

God help brave O'Keefe assistant and, until then, abettor, Izzy Santa, who tipped off Boudreau because something about it just made her queasy. Damn bitches. Always fucking up the boys' fun. Advice to Santa: don't take any drinks from O'Keefe anymore. Actually, that should be advice to everyone.