Advice to Senate Democrats: Just Fucking Seat Burris:
Let us say, and why not, that U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald decided not to pull the trigger yet on his office's investigation of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. And let us say that Blagojevich, who had to know the noose was tightening, decided to say "Fuck you" to Rahm Emmanuel, Harry Reid, and everyone else trying to get him to decide on a Senate appointee, even saying, "Fuck it" to his idea that he should get an upfront reward, and he appointed Roland Burris. Now, remember, as far as the rest of the country goes (and much of Illinois), at that point Blagojevich is, at best, just that guy with the helmet hair and unpronounceable name, and the defender of workers at a windows and doors plant, and not the stupid fucker who thought he and his wife deserved to win the graft lottery. And, even if Emmanuel, Reid, Obama, Durbin, and anyone else involved knew that at in the near-future, Blagojevich was going to be frog-marched, they couldn't say a thing that would compromise the investigation. Yeah, this is getting fucking complicated. But you get the idea.

Now, what would everyone be saying about Roland Burris? Reid and Dick Durbin would be stumbling all over themselves to praise him. Hell, even some Republicans would be offering muted enthusiasm because at least it wasn't Jesse III. First African American elected to statewide office in Illinois? Second black attorney general in U.S. history? C'mon. In non-Blaggy circumstances, Reid would be jacking off Burris on the Sunday blabfests. Sure, Burris wouldn't be the ideal pick, the best pick, or the most-qualified pick. Welcome to the world of appointments. But there wouldn't be a single discussion about not seating him.

The point of this is not that Rod Blagojevich, still being governor of Illinois and not convicted of anything or impeached (however much of an unethical, corrupt fuckwad he has shown himself to be), had the right to choose Burris. Of course he did, by the fucking state constitution of Illinois. And the point is not that, other than being picked by a corrupt fuckwad, there's nothing that would have made the Democrats block Burris. No, the point to Harry Reid and other Senate Democrats is this: get the fuck on with it. Stop wasting our fucking time with this inside baseball bullshit.

Because, see, if you wanna take a fight over Burris to the Supreme Court, and he's seated anyways, you've wasted a big fuckin' pile of credibility. And on what? On the fact that you think the governor sucks balls? Fine, he sucks 'em. He should have resigned. But he decided to play the prick card. And if the Senate Republicans decide to get all litigious and filibustery over Al Franken, which, they being motherfuckers, will probably do, Democrats will have lost some of the high ground in the battle. No, you didn't get who you wanted in the Illinois seat (which is what this is really about). And?

In fact, the entire Congress just needs to fucking get on with the job of doing their jobs. We learned what happens when Congress acts like self-indulgent little children back in the late 1990s: progress stalls so that they can have their shit fit. Not now. The economy is collapsing faster than an old porn star's dick. The Middle East is flaming again, and, hey, there's 150,000 U.S. troops still in a barbecue of simmering coals just waiting for some extra lighter fluid. There's rights to restore, investigations to be done, and more.

And, Democrats, you're gonna waste time and political capital on whether or not to seat a liberal black guy for a couple of years? Or, Republicans, you're gonna debate whether or not the legally elected comedian gets to fuck with you in person? Or, some members, you're gonna wonder whether or not Caroline Kennedy is qualified?

Are any of these questions in any way more important than the work that's gotta be done? Will any of these people actually cause harm? (Well, that question's not to you, Republicans, because you're just a bunch of fuckin' low rent drama queens who think everything is gonna cause the end of the world.) No? Then you have the answer to whatever internal debate's going on.