Family Research Council on California: It's the End of the World as We Know It:
Man, you've never seen a bunch of drama queens like the whiny fruits over at the ultra-Christian Family Research Council (motto: "Our non-stop focus on the nailing of Christ to the cross is so not sublimated homoerotic urges"). Now that the state of California has said that gays and lesbians can get marriage licenses and the benefits and detriments thereof, the FRC is in full-bore prayerturbating meltdown. Here's FRC President Tony Perkins on the crisis: the gay marriage decision "threatens to undo thousands of years of natural marriage...triggering five months of social chaos that could wreak havoc on every state in America." That five months is the ever-optimistic queer bashers' hopeful end date when they have faith that the good people of California will overturn the decision in a ballot initiative. Can someone tell these deluded bastards that history has left them behind?

Now the FRC is fighting back: "our ads in Sacramento and Orange County are reminding voters what the California court has now done to injure families and undermine the well being of children." And, truly, those ads are gayer than a Fire Island feather fag whose semen-slickened teeth are glistening in the mirror ball light. Here's the text of the Father's Day ad (and this is real): "Beginning Monday judges are removing the word husband from California marriage certificates. The next step will be to remove the word Father from birth certificates. Enjoy this Father's Day...it might be your last. Every child deserves a Mom and Dad."

Now that's an ad that's directed at stupid people, the same ones who believe it when flaming conservatives screech that gay marriage is the same as allowing a man to marry a dog. It's the logical equivalent of saying that because a lesbian likes the feel of the vibrator her lover uses on her clit, she may as well fuck guys. Umm, no. It's a pretty foundational misunderstanding and deliberate attempt to mislead the aforementioned stupid people.

Like this guy, the ironically named Chris Gacek (please, let it be pronounced "gay-check"). In his prissy analysis, Gacek asserts the same "what about the children" line: "Public schools will teach the fully equal status of homosexual and heterosexual conduct based, in substantial part, on state marriage law. Those who object may find themselves on the wrong side of the law." Quel horreur. You mean if the law says people are equal, you have to say that the law says that? Damn, that'll put a damper on all those public school classes on how missionary-position sex is way better than anal.

By the way, in a completely unrandom poll of a friend's 9 year-old and his group of friends, the reaction ran from "What's gay?" to "What do you mean two men can't marry? I want to marry Jesse." The kid's'll be just fine.

Meanwhile, out West, in San Diego, the first couple to be married had been together for 15 years. Former Marine Bob Lehman wed Tom Felkner. The ceremony was performed by Lehman's brother, another former Marine. Let's see the FRC try to fuck with them. We'll discover who becomes whose bitch.