Spin That Reality:
The Rude Pundit's not sure, but at his press conference yesterday, did President Bush threaten to fuck other countries who don't adhere to some vague notion of "freedom"? Bush said, "I firmly planted the flag of liberty, for all to see that the United States of America hears their concerns and believes in their aspirations," heightening the effect with a mighty flag-planting gesture, much like the placement of a little banner in the eighth hole at the Crawford golf course. So, like, he's fucked Iraq and Afghanistan with his lil' Flagpole o' Liberty. Who's next? Iran? Drop yer panties, Tehran, 'cause George is gonna hoist his mighty flag and plant it right in yer ass.

The press conference was the usual revolting display of arrogance and paranoia. Is Bush right that elections in Iraq with a modicum of openness and threat of overwhelming violence are preferrable to being raped and tortured by the thugs of a dictator? Yeah, sure, leaving our own raping and torturing out of the equation. It's like asking if you, as an American, would rather be imprisoned for dope possession in Pakistan or in the United States. Either way, you're gettin' fucked, beaten, and sold for cigarettes, but, hey, in the U.S., at least your family can visit you.

There was the President's bizarro answer on race issues in American: "Civil rights is -- is a good education. Civil rights is opportunity. Civil rights is home ownership. Civil rights is owning your own business. Civil rights is making sure all aspects of our society are open for everybody," followed by the re-assuring "I believe in the promise of America." The obvious response is, "And that applies to gay people how?" But more troubling is that Bush is just lumping all minorities into one big category of colorful Otherness: blacks, Latinos, Asians, Indians, recent immigrants. Everyone who is not-white and not-Condi is simply an undefined entity whose specific concerns are so much bullshit in the shadow of big damn America and its "ideals."

Bush's platitudes are endless. He "believes" in the most obvious things: "I firmly believe that free societies are peaceful societies, and I believe every person desires to be free . . . I believe this country is best when it heads toward an ideal world . . . I believe freedom is necessary in order to promote peace . . . I believe that it is possible to do big things in Washington, DC . . . I believe that what I said was important." It's like saying he believes in frogs, central air conditioning, and cancer. Who the fuck's gonna argue with him?

And there's something the President wants you to know, and it's that he's not a stupid fucker, you know. Here's Bush, whining like a fat baby who needs tit-milk now: "As I said in my speech, not every nation is going to immediately adopt America's vision of democracy, and I fully understand that . . . the story today is going to be very discouraging to the American people. I understand that . . . Social Security has been an issue that has made people nervous. I understand that . . . I fully understand the power of those who want to derail a Social Security agenda by scaring people . . . I fully understand developing a democratic society in the -- adhering to the traditions and customs of other nations will be a work in process . . . I fully understand some people are concerned about whether or not this is affordable . . . I fully understand that accounts is not the only thing that will be necessary to make sure the system is permanently secure." You get it? He understands, he doesn't need anyone explaining it to him, he's smart, real smart, smart and strong, he's strong, man, watch him tear this budget bill in two, he's so smart and strong that he has comprehension of the things he believes.

And you know what, doubting motherfuckers? He'll make sure you and people all around the world see how smart he is: Seniors? "And so one of the things you'll hear me constantly doing is reminding our senior citizens that nothing will change and that we have a duty to act on behalf of their children and grandchildren" The Chinese? "I will constantly remind them of the benefits of a society that honors their people and respects human rights and human dignity." Pooty-poot? "I will remind him that if he intends to continue to look West, we in the West believe in Western values." Us? "I remind people that our own country is a work in progress." Other world leaders? "I will constantly remind them about our strong belief that democracy is the way forward." Us again? "I am going to continue to speak directly to the American people about this issue and remind them about the math; and remind them that if you're a senior, nothing changes." And again? "I want to remind people that family values do not stop at the Rio Grande River." He's not just the President of the United States, he's also America's nagging mother, standing there in his housecoat and curlers, telling us, like he's told us a hundred times already, to clean our fuckin' rooms.

Having just heard that 30 Marines had been killed in a helicopter crash in Iraq, one might have expected Bush to mention such a tragedy in his opening remarks. Instead, like a dung beetle trying desperately to roll his shitball home, Bush plowed on in with his usual blather about freedom and who the fuck cares what else. When he was asked about the deaths, he dismissed it with a curt, "I know that it's being investigated by the Defense Department. And, obviously, any time we lose life it is a sad moment," as if someone had just had their old, incontinent cat put to sleep.

Yes, yes, it was a useless 40 minutes or so, demonstrating the vicious Sherman's March to "victory" in Iraq, to "reform" of Social Security, and to whatever monomaniacal goals this administration decides to cram down the throats of an apathetic populace. Burn Atlanta, motherfuckers, the sea awaits the arrival of the armies of the cruel.