Wise Sages, All (With a Side Note On Why Ann Coulter Remains a Cunt):
Of course, after National Guardsman Thomas Wilson (of Knoxville, TN) queried Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld about the need for the proper armor for vehicles, the right wing media was stumbling all over itself to spin the story in favor of the Bush administration. Even before Chattanooga Times Free Press reporter Edward Lee Pitts was revealed to have "worked with" Wilson on the question, the bumblefuck apologists that masquerade as pundits were making excuses and frothing forth spittily on the subject.

Over on Fox "News," the December 9 "All Star Panel" took a break from the massive Fox effort of trying to convince us that the U.N. Oil-For-Food "scandal" is soooo fuckin' important to weigh in on Wilson's Rumsfelding. Fred Barnes, a man who must have stock in Chapstick for all the blow jobs he gives to conservative politicians, opined that the problem isn't as bad as all that - the real problem is that National Guard members and Reservists are whiny pussies: "It was surprising, at least to me, that these guys would have spoken out, as they did so critically at a public event where the secretary of Defense was. But they were National Guardsmen and Reservists. And a lot of them are unhappy with extended duty there . . .When I was in Iraq, the one thing among other things that I did there was talk to a lot of actual regular Army soldiers in the field in Iraq. And I was amazed. They were not the types -- they knew what the mission was, they were there to complete the mission that's why they joined the Army. And they were not the types complaining about armor or anything else." Barnes then scoffed at the notion that Donald Rumsfeld's misconceptions about the military were not at fault: "To blame this problem on the reorganization or the re-invention of the military that Don Rumsfeld wants, I think is not correct." Then Barnes took out a nearly empty tube of Chapstick to get his lips nice and lubricated to head over to the Pentagon. (Meanwhile, the frighteningly over-made-up visage of Charles Krauthammer claimed that Rumsfeld's remark about being blown up in a tank was "sort of a light-hearted answer." Oh, my, how the delighted titters of soldiers must have floated throughout the hall. And Mort Kondracke blamed Bill Clinton for the "production" problems. Really. He blamed Clinton.)

Over on CNN, Bob "The Toady" Novak also chimed in that this was a problem with bitch-ass hick Reserve members: "Reservists are not happy. The Tennessee reservists, they're not happy being there. I don't think you'd get that kind of a reaction from the regulars." This myth, that the bad-ass regular army motherfuckers wouldn't punk out like this, is belied by the fact that, back in September, a Washington army squad was bitching about the hillbilly armor. Novak is a worm of a man, a craven, desperate-to-be-loved, power mad stenographer who uses information like a caveman uses a club.

A couple of days later, when it came out that Pitts had helped Wilson articulate the question, there wasn't enough blame to go around. But, in that cute "gay people are my neighbors" way of conservatives, even while criticizing the asking of the question, they all admitted that the question was legit as a way to cover their asses. While calling the question legit but "creepy," Ann Coulter, a woman for whom the word "creepy" was invented, used the occasion to hand job Sean Hannity while clawing the haunted face of Alan Colmes, saying, "I would say I find it a little silly disputing whether or not the troops have enough armor from the people who were just supporting the guy who didn't was for more military spending." You see where this is going? Now, because on one vote, John Kerry disagreed with the way that the President was recklessly spending America into oblivion and thus voted against the bill the President wanted, if you voted for John Kerry, you have no business being outraged about the lack of protection for the troops. Sean Hannity jumped on this point, eating out Coulter's sphincter (watching to make sure her ass bones don't poke his eyes out) and bitch slapping Fox "Analyst" Kristen Johnson, saying, "You have no moral authority, anybody on your side, at all, to raise this issue about -- more specifically, because you guys just voted for a guy who voted against every major weapons system that now comprises our current military."

Is there any goddamned self-awareness on the right? Let's get this straight: you vote for John Kerry, who, despite Hannity's lies, voted for every major weapons system that now comprises our current military, and you have no "moral authority" to "lecture" about "what we ought to be giving the military." But if you voted for Bush, who lied about and was blatantly wrong about the reasons for the war, the reasons the soldiers have to even worry about their armor and equipment, and you have all the moral authority in the world? Does voting for the guy who opposed the 9/11 commission mean you lack the moral authority to talk about the commission's recommendations? Does voting for the guy who didn't want a Department of Homeland Security mean you have no moral authority to talk about the failed appointment of a petty thug to head that department? Hannity and Coulter, both horrid jizzbags for the Bush administration, are like people we used to lock in rubber rooms, screaming at phantoms, blaming everything they can fantasize for their ills except themselves.

Around and around the story spins, like a carousel where you can ride the tiger or the pony. Coulter and Novak both talked about how soldiers always complain, in all wars (which, in Novak's case, actually contradicts his own statement that this was merely a malcontent Reservist). The "blame the production" spin was blown out of the water pretty quickly when the company that makes the armor said it could easily speed up production, if it had been fucking asked to by the Pentagon. We all, all, all know who is to blame. And it ain't Clinton and it ain't Kerry or his voters. Sure, it's Rumsfeld - his head should have been on a pike outside the White House a couple of years ago. The problem, of course, is that there's no way to hold anyone accountable anymore. And if your "experts," all, all good sage bitches, are merely quiescent vessels and apologists, then we are, as you know, fucked.

But not as fucked as the soldiers. Not as fucked as the Guard and Reserve members.