The State of the Union Is Boring Bullshit

There was a moment at last night's State of the Union address when President Donald Trump's delivery had gotten so lugubrious that it threatened to grind to a complete halt, like the batteries in his voluminous ass had worn down and it was time to put him into storage to recharge until Fox and Friends started in the morning. In that moment, Trump was slurringly inrroduching Herman Zeitchik, a World War II soldier who had helped liberate the concentration camp at Dachau. Zeitchik and the two Holocaust survivors seated near him looked concerned, like they thought Trump might be having a stroke up there.

No, it only felt like that because Trump had taken the audience and the nation on a bipolar journey between deep hatred and fake hope. It was a speech filled with lies and false promises. It was utter bullshit, and, except for the parts where he spoke with spite about some topic, it was completely fucking dull. Honestly, the whole event had the feeling of watching a man who didn't want to be there, who knew he shouldn't be there, who was trying to sound like what stupid people think a leader ought to sound like, but who couldn't be bothered to really commit to the part, like he's just sick of all this shit and wants to get back to porking Russian prostitutes and playing golf and yelling at Eric for not getting a Moscow tower deal done.

His list of "accomplishments" is mostly shit he didn't fuck up yet. Unemployment down for different groups? Yeah, just like it was under Obama. Trump didn't fuck it up yet. More jobs added? Yeah, just like it was under Obama. Trump didn't fuck it up yet. Economy expanding? Yeah, just like it was under Obama. Trump didn't fuck it up yet. The nation producing more oil and gas? Yeah, that happened under Obama. Trump didn't fuck it up yet. (And, really, no one should be proud of that.)

Trump was elected to third base and he's hopping around on it, declaring he hit a triple. And his loyal taint-lickers in the GOP and his idiot hordes keep braying that he's a great batter. Shit, with the failure of his tax cut and tariffs (and just about everything else),  with his declaration that he wants to end wars while threatening a war with Iran, he'll get picked off and still declare he scored.

Meanwhile, the few seemingly positive and bipartisan things Trump proposed are all goddamn lies and smokescreens. He declared, "I am also proud to be the first President to include in my budget a plan for nationwide paid family leave." Yeah, that proposal is to take money away from a parent's Social Security retirement fund to pay for the leave and then have to postpone their retirement or have a reduction in benefits. In other words, it's not "paid family leave." It's borrowing against your retirement for something that pretty much every other country in the world guarantees. That's the conservative way, figuring out how to dick you over and pretending they're doing you a favor with the dicking.

As for the funding to research childhood cancer, sorry, but $500 million over 10 years is nice, but it ain't exactly a moon shot. Let's not even talk about the hypocrisy of Trump saying he wants to end HIV/AIDS when he joyfully gutted the Affordable Care Act, attacked trans people, and allowed Medicaid waivers in states that want work requirements (40% of all patients with HIV or AIDS are on Medicaid).

Mostly, though, all the happy clappy shit, all the honoring of World War II veterans (which is probably the most Trump ever thought about that war, including while he was a student), all the bragging about every little thing as something unprecedented in the history of the universe, Trump wanted to tell us once again that Democrats are motherfuckers. They're motherfuckers because they don't want to join him in "ending illegal immigration and putting the ruthless coyotes, cartels, drug dealers, and human traffickers out of business" by building a wall. To prove his point that "illegal immigration" causes violence, he paraded the family of an elderly couple shot by an undocumented immigrant in Reno, Nevada, allowing the savage Republicans to bask in their pain. And then he lied about the crime rate in El Paso because the only way he can prove his point is to lie.

And Democrats are motherfuckers because they want to murder babies. In the bloodiest red meat for the evangelical fucknuts he desperately needs, Trump, who has paid for a few abortions in his life, went full crazy on third trimester abortions, throwing in with the worst conspiracy-mongers: "Lawmakers in New York cheered with delight upon the passage of legislation that would allow a baby to be ripped from the mother’s womb moments from birth. [Note: it wouldn't.]  These are living, feeling, beautiful babies who will never get the chance to share their love and their dreams with the world.  [Note: they're not.] And then, we had the case of the Governor of Virginia where he stated he would execute a baby after birth."

No, Ralph Northam didn't say that. He said that if a woman went into labor before she was able to have an abortion for a baby that would be born with severe medical issues that would prevent it from doing anything but suffering before dying, it would be delivered and put on life-support so that the parents could decide whether or not to continue those measures. It's mercy, you ghoulish anti-choice cockholes, not murder.

Democrats are motherfuckers, especially so, because they want to investigate him. To use a phrase he would, Trump was begging like a dog for Democrats to stop probing his businesses, his finances, his family, his campaign, his fucking loser life, saying, "If there is going to be peace and legislation, there cannot be war and investigation."

Fuck, Stephen Miller must have given a high-pitched giggle of glee when he came up with that rhyme, yelling in triumph at the children he keeps in a pit in his basement, masturbating with the glove he made of a kitten's fur. And when it was greeted with laughter and mostly silence, Miller punched himself in the groin repeatedly, telling himself he didn't deserve kitty's touch anymore.

Goddamn, what a nightmare of a speech, veering between brutality and tedium, between self-glorification and exploitation, all delivered in sleepy tones by a sociopathic dullard.

The only saving graces of the evening were the awesome Democratic women in Suffragette-honoring white, from Nancy Pelosi to Ayanna Pressley, refusing to play along with this cynical game, erupting in a party at one point and showing the nation that it's possible for there to be in-yer-face joy in resistance. Between that and the humane Democratic response by Stacey Abrams, we could remember when we hoped together for better times and, perhaps, could see a light at the end of this orange tunnel.