The Mueller March: Conservatives Head to the Barricades

Look at this crazy-ass shit right here: "Now, you’ve heard that the Washington Free Beacon and Paul Singer were the first to hire Fusion GPS. This is true. And I will explain this in due course. But that doesn’t mitigate in any way the involvement of Hillary Clinton, the Democrat National Committee, and Marc Elias, the law firm of Perkins Coie, it doesn’t mitigate or erase their involvement in any way." The fuck? That seemingly drug-induced string of words was heard today on Jiggles the Clown's Masturbatorium of Lies, spoken by Jiggles himself, Rush Limbaugh.

Jiggles was droning on Limbaughishly about special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation that led to the indictments of former Trump campaign manager and Moscow's "Man Most Likely to Drink Polonium If He Turns," Paul Manafort, and Rick Gates, Manafort's boy wonder and another Trump adviser. Limbaugh's approach to defending the Trump administration is distraction ("Look! Hillary!") and obfuscation ("Here's a bunch of shit I strung together and made it sound eeevil").

Today, the Trumpanistas and the conservatives who are seeing a giant expiration date on their movement have rushed to the barricades to try to keep the Visigoths of Justice (yes, totally great metal band name) from storming their nice, racist empire.

In addition to the crazed conspiracies involving Hillary Clinton, the corpse of Lenin, and, hell, the Necromonicon, why not, you've got the right-wingers who are dismissing the Manafort indictment with a wave of their hankies.

Like Andrew McCarthy over at the National Review (motto: "Remember when we were against Trump? No? Good"). McCarthy thinks it's all bullshit, smoke, and mirrors. He says, "Mueller’s case, at least in part, seems shaky and overcharged." And he accuses Mueller of using "an abusive prosecutorial tactic that flouts congressional intent" in the false statements charges. Inadvertently, McCarthy actually does get at what Mueller is doing: "It’s not so much a serious allegation of 'conspiracy against the United States' as a dubious case of disclosure violations and money movement that would never have been brought had he not drawn attention to himself by temporarily joining the Trump campaign."

Okay, listen, Manafort didn't just "join" the Trump campaign. He wasn't handing out fliers; he was the fucking guy in charge. And that's the goddamn point, isn't it? Manafort was a money-laundering scumbag who didn't give a shit who paid him.

Honestly, the only thing that makes the last year or so make any sense is if the Trump campaign was really a giant money-laundering operation and the Russians were just fucking with the American public to make sure that Hillary Clinton would be a weak president and they all bumblefucked into Trump winning, which was never part of the plan. It'd be a farce if Trump's actions didn't cause actual harm to actual people.

So, of course, if you thought Trump would lose, you'd get involved in the scam to clean your filthy Russian and Ukranian payoffs.

Maybe. Who knows really at this point.

But conservatives sure as shit want you to think it's nothing. Or, as Laura "My Soul Left Me Several Decades Ago and You Are Seeing My Human Husk" Ingraham put it, "It's a nothing-burger." Ingraham defended her Trump god, "The idea that this is a bad day for Trump because it in any way alludes to a collusion with Russia — you’ve got to be living on another planet if you think that. That’s just not what this is about...They don’t have anything on Trump. If they had something on Trump, that would be the indictment today. They would have something on Kushner or any of these other characters, but they don’t. So they go for Manafort and Gates." Which is counter to everything anyone who has ever been a prosecutor of big cases has said today. You go for the low-hanging fruit first and get them to turn on those on the higher branches who think they're safe from picking.

That's where we are with the pants-shitting conservatives. Clinton conspiracies, attacks on Mueller, and declarations that Trump is totally not involved. It's gonna be a wild and woolly ride from here on out. Gird yer loins, motherfuckers. Shit's gonna get nasty.

And, of course, Sean Hannity is going batshittier than usual tonight, having called Hillary "President Clinton." Goddamn, we wish, you dumb asshole. We wish.