Fuck You, Steve Scalise

Before he was shot and nearly killed in June, Representative Steve Scalise was a motherfucker on cultural issues. How much of a motherfucker was he? His security detail as Majority Whip in the House of Representatives included Capitol Officer Crystal Griner. Griner and another officer, David Bailey, were injured saving Scalise, with Griner being shot in the ankle. Scalise released a statement specifically thanking the two: "I am especially grateful to Crystal and David, who I have been blessed to have by my side day in and day out in my job as Majority Whip. I would not be here today without the bravery of Crystal and David. They saved my life, and are my heroes."

That's right. For three years, since he was elected Majority Whip, the Louisiana Republican has had Crystal Griner by his side. Griner, as you may have heard, is a lesbian who is married to, wait for it, a woman.

Being a nutzoid Christian, Steve Scalise has spent a good chunk of his career blocking the rights of the woman who put her safety on the line for him and, as he said, saved his life. On his official congressional web page, it brags, "Congressman Scalise has worked diligently throughout his career to protect traditional marriage. Scalise has co-sponsored legislation to amend the Constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman. As a member of the Louisiana State Legislature, Congressman Scalise authored a similar amendment to the Louisiana Constitution that protects traditional marriage."

So he was being protected by someone whose happiness he sought to prevent. That's how much of a motherfucker he was. And now, after the shooting, after he was saved by Griner, he's even more of a motherfucker because he's going right back to fucking mothers.

One of his first big public appearances will be at the hategasm known as the Values Voters Summit. That's a gathering of homophobic Jesus-fellaters who rant for a couple of days at a DC hotel about how fucked the nation is, how much they hate libtards, the poors, and the darks, and how Donald Trump's shit tastes like delicious chocolate pie. It's sponsored by the mad Family Research Council (motto: "Proud to be labeled a hate group"), whose "Human Sexuality" page makes you think that LGBTQ Americans are essentially Isis in better clothes and that the Obergefell decision legalizing same-sex marriage is the day God puked.

Yeah, in a royal "Fuck you, my real savior," Scalise is gonna speak to these dipshits.

And before you say, "Oh, wait, he might say something about a change of heart."

After I stopped laughing at how adorable you are, I'd point out that in his first post-hospitalization interviews this week, Scalise has said that his being shot and all those people in Las Vegas being killed has only strengthened his desire to stick his dick into a shotgun barrel and fuck it.

On Fox "news," Scalise was firm about his bullshit, dangerous interpretation of the 2nd Amendment: "I think it's fortified it because first of all, you've got to recognize that when there is a tragedy like this, the first thing we should be thinking about is praying for the people who were injured and doing whatever we can to help them, to help law enforcement. We shouldn't be first thinking of promoting our political agenda." And then, like so many fucking idiots talking about guns, he brought up how law enforcement has guns, which no one is saying should change: "Frankly what I experienced was when there was a shooter, luckily we had Capitol Police there with their own guns. Every single day in America regular citizens that just have a passionate belief in the Second Amendment, who have their own guns, use guns every single day to protect themselves against criminals...that's a different side of the story that I think is important. People use guns way more to defend themselves against criminals than criminals use guns to hurt people."

Oh, go fuck yourself with your own shattered pelvis, you fucking blind shitheel. First of all, Griner and Bailey didn't have "their own guns." They had department-issued guns. And, you dumb motherfucker, guns harm more people than they help, as study after study after study has shown. And you can't just compare crimes committed versus crimes stopped; you better throw in accidents, suicides, and more in there or you're just a lying son of a bitch.

Did anyone really think that Scalise, who comes from a gerrymandered district in deep red Louisiana, David Duke country and the creepy-ass area where the first season of True Detective took place combined, would gain wisdom and perspective from learning what exactly bullets can do to a body? C'mon. He could have taken ten bullets and watched his whole family be shot and all of them saved by a group of gay EMTs and not a goddamn thought of transformation would enter his depraved fucking head. A bought and paid for whore knows that he's gotta keep working for his pimp. He gets no sympathy. He doesn't get a pass for his pain when he wants so many others to suffer.

Welcome back, Steve Scalise, and fuck you endlessly.